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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be tired of teachers exaggerating

454 replies

onarailwaytrain · 29/09/2014 22:19

Dd and DS (twins) in year 11 at the moment and all we have heard is how they have to get their GCSEs, their lives will be ruined if they don't, they will never get to college and never get a good job. Etc.

Dd in particular is unlikely to get many cs or above. AIBU in thinking the teachers should back off a bit?

OP posts:
Original poster
onarailwaytrain · 29/09/2014 23:12

Midnite it's said to the class not the DCs personally.

If it was said to them personally I probably would complain to be honest although I never have before.

But since it's said to the class I've explained to DC that the teachers have to try and motivate children who aren't as hard working as they are.

But thank you for explaining some of the stress, which I understand and I hope I have explained I do sympathise with. But at the same time if you have a quiet boy or girl in your class tomorrow, it would be nice to tell them you really appreciate them. Not their work - them :)

OP posts:
Original poster
onarailwaytrain · 29/09/2014 23:14

Ds should manage his maths.

I don't know. It would depend on the job I imagine. Owning own garage probably - valeting them probably not :)

It's all very well saying you need English and maths but what are the children who can't meant to do then? I didn't pass GCSE maths and it hasn't held me back. Probably because I didn't have far to go!

OP posts:
slothage · 29/09/2014 23:15

Our world has gone crazy. These days you are seen as a failure unless you have a rack of qualifications and go to university and have a profession. Society still needs cleaners, shop workers, bin men, ordinary jobs that ordinary folk thirty years ago did and didn't think twice about doing, there was no stigma attached.

Most major cities now have immigrants doing these sort of jobs, especially London. Nuts.

FlowersForAlgernon · 29/09/2014 23:16

Do you realise there's a word for having such severe problems in maths? It's called dyscalcula (sp?). And is like dyslexia but for maths.

I still really think you should be talking to the SENCO about both your kids. Even if she can boost them one grade it's worth it.

You also need to talk to someone at school about how worried and distressed they are.

Snapespotions · 29/09/2014 23:19

I didn't pass GCSE maths and it hasn't held me back.

I suspect there are a lot of parents who feel like this. I agree with you that there are opportunities without GCSEs, but I also think times have changed - so many more people go to university now, and so many more get post-16 qualifications. I think the goalposts have moved, and what worked for previous generations might not work now.

You seem very sure that they aren't capable of getting a decent range of GCSEs. Are you 100% sure that you're not underestimating them?

Original poster
onarailwaytrain · 29/09/2014 23:20

I wouldn't have thought so flowers, she has had pretty intense intervention but it was fairly counter productive as it was increasing anxiety and distress, ironically she works much better when the pressure is off. She quite likes reading, younger age group like Jacqueline Wilson and so on but she got quite into twilight so read a few vampire novels. She may well get English but maths is going to be very tricky.

DS does have support but he is still making very elementary mistakes like confusing dog and god, and getting bs and Ds mixed up. So anything with a big written element will be very hard and unlikely to result in a C. Verbally he's just fine.

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WineWineWine · 29/09/2014 23:21

The brainwashing of people into believing that if you don't get 5 C grades GCSEs, you will be on the scrap heap, is dreadful.
There is still work and opportunities for kids who don't get those marks and it doesn't mean they will end up in KFC.
I hate this sausage factory approach to education. It damages kids my telling them repeatedly that they are failures, just because they can't pass a very narrow set of exams.

There are so many things that children can still be exceptionally good at if Maths and English are not for them.
Piling loads of pressure on kids will not make them more successful.

Original poster
onarailwaytrain · 29/09/2014 23:21

We've been through this snapes :) it isn't that I'm underestimating them, I just want them to be confident they are more than their GCSEs. If they did get good grades I'd be delighted for them but based on past performance it's unlikely.

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FlowersForAlgernon · 29/09/2014 23:22

Verbally he's fine - so with a reader and a scribe for his exams he might pass loads of them.

SpringBreaker · 29/09/2014 23:23

My stepson left school at 14. He has no qualifications. However at the age of 29 he now owns his own very successful business. Employs half a dozen people, has a mortgage which is almost paid off, and more money than anyone else in the family.

He achieved this through determination, confidence and bloody hard work.

A lack of academic skills in school does not put someone on the scrap heap for the rest of their live. Some kids flourish and thrive once they are away from the rules of being in school.

Original poster
onarailwaytrain · 29/09/2014 23:24

Flowers thank you but he has had support from the senco and has help he's entitled to. This is the problem, people insisting that actually they can pass, when they probably can't.

It's so unfair and damaging to self esteem for DCs.

I'm sure you know plenty of people who are verbally fine who couldn't pass GCSE English :) even the Jeremy Kyle show can express themselves, DS can but hopefully doesn't swear as much, he doesn't in front of me but you never know outside the house!

OP posts:
Original poster
onarailwaytrain · 29/09/2014 23:25

Thank you spring, I will share that story with DS. :)

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Snapespotions · 29/09/2014 23:26

We've been through this snapes it isn't that I'm underestimating them, I just want them to be confident they are more than their GCSEs. If they did get good grades I'd be delighted for them but based on past performance it's unlikely.

Yes, of course they are worth more than their GCSEs - much, much more! And you're a great parent for making sure that they know that. I guess I just feel that it wouldn't hurt to be a bit more positive about their chances.

Surely your DS could have a scribe for his exams?

ReallyTired · 29/09/2014 23:26

I would encourage your daughter with KFC as its a source of a good reference. A good reference from KFC could enable her to get on to a chef training course/ apprenticeship. Even if she was to work at KFC she could progress in managment.

One of dd's friends father is the manager of a large macdonalds and he earns enough to support his family. A lot of these organisations like supermarkets or large restuarant chains do offer career opportunities. In those type of jobs the ablity to get on with other people is more important than GCSE results.

Hannahabbott · 29/09/2014 23:27

Push for a reader for your son op, it may do him the world of good. However remember the teachers addressing the class need to stress the importance of those grade Cs. Most apprenticeships, college courses and A-levels require English and maths and will make your doc resit if they don't have them. It's not the teachers who are to blame it's the system!

Original poster
onarailwaytrain · 29/09/2014 23:31

He has all the help he's entitled to and I'm not going into any more detail on that if no one minds just because sometimes DC can have all the help and more besides and still struggle.

The help means he can actually read, and write, he's not illiterate, he can cope and function but pass GCSE English, a boy who writes bab for dad, I'm not so sure about.

But it doesn't matter to me or the people who love him. This is what I am trying to say, he's more than exam results, and it won't ruin his life, he's handsome, lovely and hard working and healthy and he has a LOT to offer the world!

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Trollsworth · 29/09/2014 23:31

You know what, don't panic. Elderly care does not require gcses, and you can work towards a good vocational qualification once employed. I'd advise your daughter aims towards a foundation health and social care qualification for post sixteen education, as she cannot work in a care facility until she is eighteen.

As for your son, the man who fixes my care and is on £27000 a year is dyslexic and dropped out of school at 14. I know, because he's the same age as me and I knew him then. He now manages a garage for a large company.

Mumsnet is populated by educated people. They spent a huge amount of time of their education and cannot fathom other people not holding it to the same high esteem, but employers simply do not see it that way. They value attendance, a pleasant demeanour, a positive attitude, no neck tattoos and the ability to not swear if its not appropriate. Gcses come second to these traits.

Your kids both sound very very nice, and like they would be a pleasure to have as an apprentice.

NerfHerder · 29/09/2014 23:32

It's not really about C grades any more, it's about making 3 or more levels of progress from end of KS2.
And when I have children in Y7 telling me they just sat next to level 5 children for their SATS papers so they could get through them Hmm I don't really have much hope of 3 or more levels of progress for them.

CheerfulYank · 29/09/2014 23:33

Exactly what Sloth said.

I firmly believe that the world contains all kinds of people with all kinds of brains for a reason.

We need cardiologists and mechanics. Lawyers and child care workers. Bin men and business people.

Not everyone is academically minded. There is a reason for that. Because they have other skills! My father hated school and never went on to further education, but he is a skilled tradesman who has done well for himself. His skills are needed and he is no less than anyone else. (He's better than most if you ask me Wink)

I would love to see more apprenticeships for young people to learn a trade.

OP it's lovely that your DD wants to work with the elderly. We visit a care home frequently (my MIL works there) and there are a lot of young women working there who haven't been to higher education. Almost without exception, they are lovely, caring girls. They truly care for the residents and it is reciprocated.

I don't know much about GCSEs as we don't have them or anything like them in the States, but best of luck to your DTs op. They sound lovely. :)

Coolas · 29/09/2014 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlowersForAlgernon · 29/09/2014 23:36

Sorry I said the wrong thing. I didn't mean to.

Yes your twins will be as amazing the day after their exams as the day before.

No one knows what the future holds for anyone.

And I hope they survive school and have a happy adulthood

strawberryangel · 29/09/2014 23:40

I teach English to bottom sets for a living OP, and I agree with you. I see many wonderful children who haven't a hope in hell of '5 A*-C grades' yet they have to listen to the same 'motivational' assemblies as everyone else.

Your children are worth more than GCSEs, and have attributes that will be valuable in any job. Lots of my past pupils are now doing things they enjoy. Conversely, lots of the people I went to uni with are not.

Ignore all those saying they need to work harder- I'm sure as their mum you know they're doing their very best. Good luck to them in whatever they do- I'm sure they'll be fabulous!

ithoughtofitfirst · 29/09/2014 23:44

I agree with you OP if my ds doesn't turn out to be particularly academic i will not be pleased if his teachers make him feel like a lost cause. It's kind of tough shit on the teachers actually when this happens. Your children sound lovely and you sound very proud of them aaaaand rightly so.

ddubsgirl77 · 29/09/2014 23:54

My ds1 isnt academic he is now in 2nd year off college he passed his course and now doing a 2nd course he is dyslexic & dyspraxic

BlackeyedSusan · 29/09/2014 23:58

they both sound lovely. life is about more than academic achievement. and the value of a perso n is more than the grades they achieved at GCSE yes they need to do their best, but it can be demotivating to be so far off the standard that they give up trying altogether and therefore don't achieve their best.