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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by husband's comments?

59 replies

twosmallones · 29/09/2014 15:52

My husband was away working in France last week. I noticed that he posted a few photos of him and a very attractive (French) client on Facebook and felt insecure about it.

Here is the slightly embarrassing part in my side...I decided to check his text messages Blush

There were no messages from the French woman but there were texts back and forth to his friends saying how 'hot' and sexy the client was and how all French women were like this and that he was very impressed etc.

AIBU to feel really upset by this? Or is it just boys being boys?

OP posts:
Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 29/09/2014 15:56

To be honest op if he was up to anything surely he wouldn't put it on FB but it's very unprofessional.

I would assume this female colleague wouldn't have been very impressed at this.

Fabulassie · 29/09/2014 15:59

I would be upset, too. That doesn't mean he's done anything in particular, but I would still be hurt.

Original poster
twosmallones · 29/09/2014 15:59

I'm quite reassured that there is nothing going on between them...it was more the fact that he was texting his friends to tell them how attractive she was. Meant to say, his friends requested a photo and he said he would take one with her and post it on Facebook.

OP posts:
CarrotAndStick · 29/09/2014 16:00

Banter between men (and not his finest hour).
No issue re the client as long as she is aware about it. Otherwise utterly unprofessional.

But really there is no need to be upset by it. He wasn't cheating on you in any shape or form.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 29/09/2014 16:00

It's one thing to say that 'all french woman' are hot (I would still be offended that my DP thought this needed mentioning to all his friends) but it's quite another and IMO a bit creepy, for him to point out that a client he is working closely with is sexy. Not professional and disrespectful to both you and his client.

My DP works closely with women at times and I don't think twice about it, but if I saw messages like these I would be very suspicious that he is not treating them the same way he would a male client/colleague and I would be unhappy about him working away from home if his attitude towards female co-workers was so blatantly looks-focussed.

Original poster
twosmallones · 29/09/2014 16:00

Thanks Fabulassie, glad it isn't just me. Makes me feel insecure and resentful towards him.

OP posts:
CarrotAndStick · 29/09/2014 16:01

Are you thinking sometimes that X who works with you is very very nice looking? Never had any fantasy about a man you met once before through work/a party?

SmilingHappyBeaver · 29/09/2014 16:02

I'd be more concerned about why he is putting pictures of clients on Facebook... totally unprofessional. Does his company and the client in question know about it?

I think you are right to be concerned, maybe not to do with this particular women but because he is being a twat in general. "Very impressed"...WTAF? Impressed at what, exactly? Impressed at the quality of her business acumen, or her fit body? FFS.

sheeplikessleep · 29/09/2014 16:05

Would upset me too.
There's one thing noticing somebody is attractive, we are all human. But to text his friends about it seems a step too far.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 16:07

I would be disappointed that the man I married turned out to be no better than a horny 15 yo swapping pics of fit girls with his mates

How very juvenile

Original poster
twosmallones · 29/09/2014 16:08

They work in social media so posting selfies etc. on Facebook and other outlets would be acceptable/encouraged so I suppose that is not really the issue. She is tagged in the photos so she is aware that they exist so he was not doing it without her permission.
However, I have caught him with a photo on his phone of a random woman that had obviously been taken on the sly. Same story, for the benefit of his friends to 'rate' her.
I feel so confused because he is a wonderful husband overall and a great father.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 29/09/2014 16:08

I agree with sheep, 100%

it was not a fleeting "she's nice" thought, it was the bragging to his mates and showing her picture round to prove it

disrespectful to both you and her, OP

AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 16:10

"rating women" ?

You stay in a relationship with a man like this ? I don't really know what you expect then Confused

phantomnamechanger · 29/09/2014 16:12

sorry but if he is snapping random women without their knowledge to pass round his mates to rank them, he is an immature creep! have you got daughters? would he want them treated as objects for men to leer over?

sounds like the berk who was on twitter (on another thread) going to post pictures of a hot chick getting her tits out to breastfeed.

RiverTam · 29/09/2014 16:19

has no-one ever discussed the hotness of their colleagues? Gosh, we used to all the time, we had top 5s. I was in DH's, he was in mine (this was before we started dating). There was one very fine bloke who didn't work with us but in the same industry, he came in for a lot of comment.

The random woman one is pretty creepy, though.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2014 16:21

I'd be really offended and furious if I found my DP had done this. And that poor woman. To have her pictures plastered over facebook and drooled over. Horrible!

Original poster
twosmallones · 29/09/2014 16:28

See this is where I am torn RiverTam because I have heard male colleagues banter about attractive clients and not really batted an eyelid. So I'm questioning myself because does it just seem more offensive as it is written in black and white?
Phantom - we have an infant daughter but I am sure he hasn't made the connection if you see what I mean.
I suppose I wonder whether I should confront him (and admit my text message reading) or accept that this is some form of escapism for him?

OP posts:
Rusticated · 29/09/2014 16:30

I would not have a lengthy conversation, far less a relationship, with a man who 'rated' women.

(And yes, certainly I've worked with attractive men. What I haven't done, not being a horny fifteen-year-old with a timeshare in a brain cell, is given them marks out of ten for hotness on social media. )

sheeplikessleep · 29/09/2014 16:33

Op, this really isn't normal behaviour : for a grown man to take sly photos of women to rate? Seriously, that's something I would expect off a teenager. Even then, it's not nice.

I would be having a serious conversation. Not to talk it out, but to find out his reaction, does he really think its acceptable? His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

Branleuse · 29/09/2014 16:36

hes talking bullshit and trying to impress his mate, but actually all hes done is upset his wife by being such a tosser

sheeplikessleep · 29/09/2014 16:37

Either that or when you're next out and about with him, look up every red blooded man you see up and down and make some comment to him after they've passed "he was hot, did you see the bum on him? Hold on, let me just get my phone out so I can send Claire/Tracy/Jane a picture" whilst you scrabbling for your phone.

ithoughtofitfirst · 29/09/2014 16:39

My dh is a bit like this. It's the kind of thing he would do.

Don't let it upset you OP. even the nicest of respectable people have moments like this.

Jengnr · 29/09/2014 16:41

I would talk about fit blokes with my mates too.

I would be upset if I saw that but he hasn't really done anything wrong there.

^this is what I was going to say until I read the creepathon random woman pic post. That's just horrible!

WorraLiberty · 29/09/2014 16:43

I can see how it might be upsetting

But on the other hand, look at all the 'Phwoaar how sexy is he' you read on MN threads?

People do find others attractive and if you go digging through people's private text messages, you'll obviously find things that weren't meant for your eyes.

Branleuse · 29/09/2014 16:44

and french women are no different to any other women, unless hes comparing Paris to some backwater of Great Yarmouth.