to be upset by husband's comments?

[twosmallones]

My husband was away working in France last week. I noticed that he posted a few photos of him and a very attractive (French) client on Facebook and felt insecure about it.

Here is the slightly embarrassing part in my side...I decided to check his text messages

There were no messages from the French woman but there were texts back and forth to his friends saying how 'hot' and sexy the client was and how all French women were like this and that he was very impressed etc.

AIBU to feel really upset by this? Or is it just boys being boys?

good man

If he's tagged her in the photo and it has a live link, then he is also FB friends with her, surely?

I can understand why you feel upset. Yes we all privately think other people are attractive but him telling all his mates about it suddenly gives those passing thoughts more significance and it's disrespectful to you and the other women too. You are not asking that he doesn't find other women attractive you just don't want him to mercilessly flaunt it. It must be hard for you when he goes away and it won't make it any easier if he's testing your trust in this way.

From what you say though there's nothing to indicate he's intending to be unfaithful. I think his actions say more about his relationship with his friends than his relationship with you. He is desperately trying to appear as a "lad" in their eyes and these women are just what he uses to create this image of himself. Quite often when men become fathers they feel the need to prove to outsiders that they are still hot blooded men and this can often really in them resorting to quite juvenile behaviour. However in your husband's case it has backfired. He's ended up hurting you and potentially this could get him into further trouble if he gets caught.

I think you do need to address the issue with him. He needs to understand how you feel and how a woman feels when she is objectified in this way. I strongly advocate open communication rather than game playing in a relationships but maybe some of the other posters are right - as a last resort a tiny taste of his own medicine might get the message across.

Wow, notsoyummymummy1, thank you for your reply. Are you a counsellor?! I think you're right about how he still wants to be seen as a 'lad' (we're fairly young parents and the first in our group to have kids).
And yes, I don't object to him finding others attractive but it is the noting of it and discussion if if with his friends. I actually don't even mind him watching porn etc. it is the fact that he is in close quarters with the colleague and that she is not just a fantasy, as such.
Thanks again. I think I might have some 'fessing up to do as I don't even feel like I can fake being loving and affectionate to him at the moment.

OP the posting of the photos on FB is v disrespectful, but the sly photo of random woman is another level of creepiness. I'm not sure I could continue to have a relationship with the kind of slimeball that does things like that, would put me right off.

Not sure if it is the 'done thing' on here or if anyone is still following but I thought I should update. I confronted my husband (admitted checking messages) and told him what I thought of his behaviour. Luckily, there was no blaming of me or excuses. There has been an apology, deletion of the texting group and promises to move forward. Thank you everyone for your advice.

Good to hear. Glad you were able to discuss it with him and move forward. Wishing you the best.

That's really good to hear, so often concerns like this aren't taken seriously. Hopefully having a think about how his behaviour affects you will help him grow up a bit.