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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by husband's comments?

59 replies

twosmallones · 29/09/2014 15:52

My husband was away working in France last week. I noticed that he posted a few photos of him and a very attractive (French) client on Facebook and felt insecure about it.

Here is the slightly embarrassing part in my side...I decided to check his text messages Blush

There were no messages from the French woman but there were texts back and forth to his friends saying how 'hot' and sexy the client was and how all French women were like this and that he was very impressed etc.

AIBU to feel really upset by this? Or is it just boys being boys?

OP posts:
Original poster
twosmallones · 29/09/2014 17:23

Worraliberty - maybe that's what I needed to hear. 1 thing I would say is that my husband wouldn't find anything like that on my phone. Ever.
Branleuse - I think your first comment is spot on.

OP posts:
Original poster
twosmallones · 29/09/2014 17:25

Sheep - I like your second comment, maybe I need to do something ridiculous like that to get his attention. Or tell him that a creepy man took a photo of me and sent it to his friends?...

OP posts:
Charitybelle · 29/09/2014 17:41

YANU to be upset, I would be too. I'm not naive, of course my DH finds other women attractive, as I do men, but the act of writing it down and discussing with friends is very disrespectful IMO and a bit immature. Not much you can say without admitting you were snooping, which in itself is a massive betrayal of his trust. Do you have good communication with him? Maybe next time you're having a heart to heart, you need to discuss his attitude to women (it does seem very objectifying) and your relationship in general sounds like it needs strengthening (if that's what you want)?

phantomnamechanger · 29/09/2014 17:49

Or tell him that a creepy man took a photo of me and sent it to his friends?

^ good plan!

TheAwfulDaughter · 29/09/2014 17:50

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AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 17:51

Why play games ?

Can't you talk to him ? Tell him you are disgusted with him ?

TheAwfulDaughter · 29/09/2014 17:54

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WanderingTrolley1 · 29/09/2014 17:57

YANBU.

My DP would have lost some of my respect if he acted in such a way.

happygirl87 · 29/09/2014 18:34

But was it a "sly" photo? Or was it posed, I.e she knew a photo was taken? If the former it's creepy. If the latter, it's fine- I am female, and quite often gossip with colleagues about men we work with who we find attractive, and if someone was talking about someone abroad we would def ask if they had a picture.... I see nothing wrong with that.

SpaceStation · 29/09/2014 18:42

Joking to his mates that the women are fit - I think that's OK, I can certainly imagine women doing that too, and it being OK.

The photos - not so nice, especially taking them on the sly.

Metalgoddess · 29/09/2014 18:51

YANBU it's very disrespectful to text about it! I would be upset about it

BramblePie · 29/09/2014 18:56

Anyfucker - i assume she doesn't want to talk to him directly about it because she will then have to admit she looked at his phone.

notagainffffffffs · 29/09/2014 18:57

Oh no :( got your fingers a bit burnt there! He has been a prick. And I get you, its not not knowing whether, if sexy french lady made a move, whether he would have gone for it or not.

morethanpotatoprints · 29/09/2014 19:02

Several nice ladies threw their underwear at my dh last night, nothing new.
He always tells me and it is no big deal as we are both used to it now.
I would be bloody mad if he had singled one out as fit and told colleagues on fb. He just wouldn't do it.
He knows it would be embarrassing for me to read and insensitive to say the least.
I think your dh is out of order tbh.

firesidechat · 29/09/2014 19:05

I can't imagine my husband ever doing something like this and I would think less of him if he did. It all seems a bit immature and unprofessional.

However I've also been told by mumsnet that my husband can't be a real man because he doesn't look at porn every 5 minutes ever or make smutty comments about young girls, so what do I know.

What I'm trying to say is that YANBU to be upset by this.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 19:10

morethan...is your husband magic Mike ? Grin

AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 19:11

< ahem > firesidechat, not everyone on MN will tell you that

firesidechat · 29/09/2014 19:16

Oh I know that. It was for dramatic effect in a weak moment, but can you tell that it still rankles. To be absolutely fair it was a man who said it too.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 19:21

Just checking Smile

Downamongtherednecks · 29/09/2014 19:24

fireside my dh would never do anything like this either. He doesn't ogle young women, and his idea of porn would be the Apple Store online. Plenty of us on MN think that that is how NORMAL men behave well apart from the Apple-porn
OP YANBU and your DH is being an idiot.

Wadingthroughsoup · 29/09/2014 19:25

Apologies, as this doesn't really answer your question, but during holidays in my parents' holiday home in France, my Dad always used to return from the boulangerie with a spring in his step saying 'French women really take care of themselves don't they? They're always so well turned out.' He had a little crushette on the lady that worked there. He never took a photo of her though, nor called her sexy, as far as I know. Still, my mum was a bit affronted about it whenever he mentioned her :)

firesidechat · 29/09/2014 19:27

My husband does hifi porn. You should see the mags. Grin

Original poster
twosmallones · 29/09/2014 19:35

Thanks for responses. It seems that I may NBU to be upset but vU to read text messages.
To be clear, the first instance was a photo of a random woman and she did not know the photo had been taken. I found out because our iPad is linked with his iPhone and so I saw the image on my iPad. So in that instance, it was easier to confront him. There has/is communication problems in our relationship, I will admit.

I am really quite embarrassed even recounting it all because reading it back, I can see how he does sound disgusting. But generally speaking I do think he is a good man and father.

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Original poster
twosmallones · 29/09/2014 19:36

And yes, there is the horrible wondering of what could happen if she expressed an interest in him.

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AnyFucker · 29/09/2014 19:43

A good and a good father. With a penchant for creepy behaviour.