to not believe people when they say

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

I don't care what people think... I hate sayings such as This is me. Here I am and if you don't like me then it's your problem.
We all care what others think of us don't we. Well I certainly do.

I used to care what people thought of me far too much.

As I have got older I have realised that I am never going to meet the standards of most people. I am common, brash and a bit lazy. Most people are going to judge me and be a bit sniffy and it is too late for me to make huge changes. So with most people I don't care. Not because I am rude or unfeeling but because it is a path to misery.

Yanbu. Everyone cares what people think, it's human nature and if you genuinely don't I'd argue you have a personality disorder.

It's different if you don't care what certain individuals think. I don't care what people I don't like think of me at all but people in general, yes of course I care. Do I want them to think I'm a slob? No. Do I want them to think I'm a horrible person? No. I make an effort with my appearance and if someone I liked or maybe even someone I didn't know very well were to insult me yes, that would bother me a little because I am a human being and it's insulting to be insulted.

The people who say shit like this are most often the most insecure and secretly are extremely bothered by what everyone thinks.

Or they realise that they are content within their own lives but will probably always fail in the eyes of others, so we learn not to care.

Caring what people think changes with age, imho.

I suspect that poolo isn't as old as me.

I used to care, a little. Now? No. I've become cynical and gained confidence. I've too much living to do to give a monkeys about what people think of me. Who are they to judge anyway?

I don't consider myself to be insecure. I genuinely do not care how other people perceive me. I am happy in my skin and that's what matters. You will never be able to please everyone and why should you try?

Fully agree Poolo. "The take me as I am brigade" probably give more of a shit than I do.

Yes hooby I think age does come into it.

I used to be like you. Caring soooo much about what people thought about me. Had a run-in with the PTA - god it frazzled me emotionally for week, months. The other party?? Probably forgot about it in days.

Have recently had counselling - and lots of stuff re my self-esteem came up. My parents were old-school spare-the-praise type. Good school parents evening - "well why can you not be like that at home?" Good report? THey would pick up the one average or vaguely critical comment and focus on that - never on the good stuff.

So a lot of my (as someone put it upthread) crippling anxiety and my worry about what others thought was down to me, as a child, still, still, trying to get that approval I never got from my parents (even on my wedding day "You'll do I suppose" when I asked how I looked). I didn't care who it came from boys (big flirt as a teenager) bosses (working over and above what was expected of me) anyone. Just worrying about them thinking bad shit. Wanting them not to think bad shit. And a bit of positive feedback was heaven.

So where am I now? Now I have realised I really am not important enough for anyone (of the random "people" anyone) to really think that much about me. They are not my parents. They will barely give me a second thought. IF they do - well it maybe "I like those shoes". "Oh she has straightened her hair today" . "Opps, grey roots are showing." So why, why, why should these nano-second thoughts of random people bother me?

What do I think of other people? "Nice shoes." "Wish my legs were that long." "Oh poor thing has babysick on her shoulder." These thoughts may waft into my head...and waft out again. More often than not they do not even get headspace. I am thinking "Do I need to go to the supermarket, must remember to book the dog into the vets, I wonder where I put the rugby folder, Ooooo bugger, forgot to do the gas meter reading!"

So a long winded way of suggesting you

1. Try and work out why other people's opinions are important
2. Try and watch what you think about. If you are finding yourself a bit judgy of others - then pull yourself up and stop. Think nice things instead. If you are judgy of others then work out that actually, even the odd bichy thought doesn't really (I hope) shape how you think about someone in reality
3. Accept you really are not that important to them.

Then you may find your anxiety does drop. You will start to not worry about what other people think. And if they are thinking nasty things about you - well that says wayyyy more about them than it does about you.

And then, you may get to the point you do not worry.

bitchy

Everyone cares what people think, it's human nature and if you genuinely don't I'd argue you have a personality disorder

The people who say shit like this are most often the most insecure and secretly are extremely bothered by what everyone thinks

Or they realise that they are content within their own lives but will probably always fail in the eyes of others, so we learn not to care.

I guess I am a failure with a personality disorder. PMSL at these.

Hooby I agree with you. I too am guessing Poolio is younger than me.

Other than close family, no, I really don't care.

It's not a 'personality disorder'. It's called being fucking mature.

I'm 54 and I still care. Not about appearance but I want people to like me, think I'm an ok person. If that's 'fucking immature' so be it.

I genuinely to not care what people think of me. Honestly!! I try to be a nice person because it's nice to be nice bit if someone doesn't like me or what I do. I really don't care

For me it depends on the other person. If its someone I like then yes, I care very much what they think of me. If not then I'm not really bothered.

This is quite a recent thing thoug, I used to worry what complete strangers thought of me but not now. A couple of years ago I was desperately concerned about what a particular person thought of me (which wasn't much) until it dawned on me they she really wasn't a nice person at all and her opinion shouldn't matter to me. I'm actually quite surprised by just how little I give a shit what she thinks now.

If we're talking quotes - 'Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business'. Like that one.

I'm 54 and I still care. Not about appearance but I want people to like me, think I'm an ok person. If that's 'fucking immature' so be it.

I take it from that post that you don't actually care what people think about how you feel then?

Sorry to be so crass

But if you don't feed me , fuck me or are family I dont care what you think about me

I think Wilbur adds some needed balance. I care about what some people think, but not everyone.

In my youth I wanted everyone to like me and even be impressed. I was desperately unhappy by the fact that other women who spotted me as a wannabe fraud at a mile off. I tried to copy their accents, their hobbies and their clothes because I really wanted to fit in.

The truth is that there is always going to be a sector of society that will sneer at somebody like me and I don't care. In fact I quite like it because it means I am being true to myself.

I don't need validation from other people to feel happy. Obviously if I like them and respect them I will listen to their opinions so I do care about what they think up to a point. However, I don't care what random strangers or people I have no respect generally think of me as I live my life.

I do know lovely people who constantly worry about what others think of them even if those people they are worrying about are idiots. It causes them internal turmoil which I don't consider to be healthy.

How can you be genuine and true to your convictions if you are concerned with what everybody thinks of you?

A man just called me a dirty scruff to his wife loud enough for other people to hear. In front of my son. I wish it hadn't really upset me but it did. Then you've got to act all normal because otherwise it'll upset your child too. Really wish i didn't care.

ithought that says more about him (he is a ignorant tosser) than you. Try and rethink it - would you rather be you, wearing/looking like you did at that point (and I am sure it was fine) or a loudmouthed, rude and horrible man?

I would rather be sitting in the pub or park with you than him.

Depends on the context. It's hand in hand with that saying "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best".

There's a fine line between a person refusing to change for someone, and a person who needs to be pulled up on their behavior.

In the healthy context, you shouldn't try to be someone your not. That's a good thing. If you're outgoing don't pretend to be shy, don't refuse to speak up to please people, don't give up passions or interests for people, all in the name of getting people to like you. It's good to have the confidence in yourself to know you can be yourself and that not everyone will like you, and that's fine.

More times than not though, I just see that stupid phrase as an excuse to refuse to change tactless and rude behavior.

Thank you myfirstname that's so true you do have to just think about these things in a different way sometimes. Otherwise you'd never leave the house!

I wonder how old you are OP? 20s?
I think people care less and less 'what other people think ' as they get older

Mine is getting worse as i get older