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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that the doctors would tell you if you nearly died.

73 replies

Isthiswierd · 27/09/2014 00:12

Apologies in advance because this is long. Apologies for all the details but they are relevant. Oh and I've name changed for this because I don't want my friend to be doxxed. There is a too long/didn't read at the bottom.

This is about Person A and their close relative, Person B, who appears to be a bit odd.

Person A is pregnant and the same complications arise two times, basically a kidney infection that requires hospitalisation four around 4 days. Person A cannot eat because of excessive vomiting and needs antibiotic drip and pain killers. So two hospital stays of around 4 days.

While in hospital, Person A is apparently considered well enough to get out of bed and move around at will, go to the toilet on their own, collect own dishes for providing urine samples, wonder around to the breakfast room and so forth. Person A's baby is monitored for an hour one morning during this. This only happens once during the two stays. The baby is totally fine, normal heart beat and movement etc. No other testing, other then the vitals which everyone has to do anyway, are taken during this stay.

Person A is told that the reason for the hospital stay is that there are ketones in the urine samples and that these need to fall to an acceptable level before Person A will be allowed to leave as these are indicative of state of health of kidneys.

Person A almost never sees a doctor during either of these visits. Midwives are calm and appear unconcerned about Person A's health. Person A's buzzes for attention often go unanswered for over half an hour, so Person A does not appear to be at the top of the priority list. Person A reviews her own notes which seem totally routine and non alarmist and Person A recovers full health.

During this hospital stay Person B visits Person A and is perfectly pleasant and appears to be calm but concerned.

Person A is not considered to have an at risk pregnancy despite these complications, is not sent to see a specialist of any kind and does not receive any special attention during labour. Person A delivers a perfectly healthy baby, on time with a very good birth weight.

This is where it gets weird

Person A walks away from the whole experience believing that while annoying, these complications where fairly routine and non life threatening.

Some months later, Person B tells Person A that she shouldn't attempt a second pregnancy. Person B claims that he/she spoke to a midwife whilst at the hospital and that this midwife tells him/her that Person A and Person A's baby nearly died in the night and that they came close to loosing both of them.

Person A has never suspected this. In Person A's opinion her treatment while in hospital and her notes show nothing of the sort.

Also Person A's husband, the closer relative, was never informed of this supposed near death experience and Person A's husband was not called to the hospital this night, or any night which it seems like he should have been had Person A and Baby A been at deaths door.

Person A also believes that, given that Person A was conscious and mentally sound the whole time, surely the doctors or someone would have revealed their concerns to Person A herself.

Person A believes that Person B might be making this 'near death' thing up for their own strange reasons, which are unknown.

TL/DR

Person B told Person A that they nearly died during a hospital stay when pregnant. Person A thinks this is not true as she was not told this. Surely the hospital would tell you if you nearly died?

OP posts:
NameChangerNewDanger · 27/09/2014 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coppertop · 27/09/2014 00:16

I find it hard to believe that a midwife would have told Person B such confidential information about Person A, especially if this person isn't even the next of kin.

Person B is lying.

RubyGoat · 27/09/2014 00:16

You say Person B is a bit odd. How reliable are they?

Presumably Person A could speak to her doctor about the possibility of a second baby, see what they say.

Annarose2014 · 27/09/2014 00:17

Person B is not only a stirrer of shit, but full to the brim of said shit.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/09/2014 00:19

Maybe Person A should order a copy of their labour and delivery notes and have a read through? They may contain indicators of any concerns leading up to delivery?I wonder also if it is possible to have copies of your general stay notes?

Is Person B related or next of kin to A? If not, that is a massive breach of confidentiality. Id be tempted to call.Bs bluff and say I was lodging a complaint against the hospital.

7Days · 27/09/2014 00:19

nah, B is a fantasist, or a dramatist or a plain old liar. Why should A believe them?

HarrietSchulenberg · 27/09/2014 00:19

Either Person A has had her memory modified or Person B is lying to deter Person A from having another child, and is therefore Not Very Nice.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/09/2014 00:20

Person B has misunderstood something either unintentionally or intentionally.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/09/2014 00:21

Is person B person As mother in law?

7Days · 27/09/2014 00:21

I wouldn't even bother engaging with B, calling bluffs or anything like that. just use a bored, dismissive tone whenever they bring it up.

TsukuruTazaki · 27/09/2014 00:24

B obviously talking BS

Stopmithering · 27/09/2014 00:26

Is B jealous of A's baby-making ability?

TeracottaTurtle · 27/09/2014 00:31

Although it sounds too much to be true, I could actually believe it based on an experience I had.

When I had ds1, I had 3 hours of pushing followed by a ventouse delivery. Ds1 was fine, but I had a bit of bleeding afterwards. I knew there was a lot of activity around me, a few Doctors were called, mw was compressing my stomach etc. But nothing seemed that concerning to me, or to dh. Eventually the activity died down, I was sewn up (episiotomy) and went to sleep.

When I woke (feeling awful, but didn't know if that was that odd as first dc)up a MW told me I needed a transfusion because i'd had 'a bit of bleeding'. So I did...I had 3 (which meant nothing to me at the time).

2 weeks later I had to go back to the hospital for a check up...again, I didn't realise this was not the norm after giving birth.

I spoke to a Consultant that had been called to see me after I gave birth. After she'd examined me and asked a few questions, she made a comment along the lines of it being touch and go for a while but clearly i'd pulled through fine and was doing well.

I think my Hmm face surprised her, so she went through my notes from the birth. Apparently i'd had such a huge amount of bleeding straight after the birth that they'd called every available person straight away...because I was pumping out blood at such a rate they thought at one point they were going to lose me before they could even get me into surgery. For the first day in hospital after the birth i'd been listed as critical.

Nope, no one thought to tell me, or dh, or anyone.

KnackeredMuchly · 27/09/2014 01:52

Similar happened to me Teracotta, they are incredible at their job of keeping you calm aren't they? I remember batting my hands at one woman who was pushing down on my uterus. "I've had enough now!"

juniper44 · 27/09/2014 01:54

Maybe person B dreamed it? I sometimes have very vivid dreams that I find hard to distinguish from reality...?

StripyBanana · 27/09/2014 01:56

Similar here. I remember the hands on stomach before I passed out. Woke up in intensive care with no baby and no explanation...

Trapper · 27/09/2014 02:04

That resonates terracotta. My wife lost a lot of blood, had a blue light transfer, went into shock and needed a giant hot-air blower thing under her blanket to bring her temperature back up. I had to sign forms consenting to a hysterectomy if they were unable to stem the bleeding whilst in surgery.
She was completely oblivious most of it (dispute being conscious throughout) and knew nothing about the form-filling until three years later when we were 'reminiscing'.
I do think a debrief after childbirth (or indeed other procedures) would be a good thing for those involved, as there can be massive gaps in perception.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 27/09/2014 02:11

I think what certainly makes it a load of old bollocks is a random member of staff telling person B anything

It's conceivable that things were more serious than A realised but why on earth would person B know anything about it let alone more than A and As husband?

Person A needs to tell person B to stop being so ridiculous and that even if things were that bad deciding to have another baby has nothing to do with anyone other than A her husband and if needed hcp's

Isthiswierd · 27/09/2014 02:16

Thank you for the replies everyone. I am going to try to answer a few questions/points raised.

Apparently Person A does have reason to suspect that they might be a fantasist or lying, but believes that jealousy over baby making abilities is unlikely to be an issue. Ironically Person A isn't actually interested in having a second baby, it's more about the personal issues between A and B.

Person A read her notes after having been discharged at the time of the illness as they related to the hospital stays, in her opinion there was nothing alarming in them. Person A did not see notes relating to her labour - but that progressed normally anyway and the baby was fine. I will suggest asking for a copy of the notes. Unfortunately Person B didn't raise the issue for a while so the chance to get these notes might have passed.

Regarding those posters who were not told of near-death illnesses themselves.

First of all, what terrifying stories! Shock I hope you are all recovered now and that all is well with your families! Flowers

I do believe however that Person A's situation was different. These appear to have been emergency situations during labour, which Person A's wasn't.

Person A was not in labour at the time of the supposed incident, was never unconscious and there was no bleeding. Person A was never rushed anywhere and never got much medical attention at all and she says she never felt that she was an emergency case. Her labour was fine and at no point was the baby ever ill. Person A was also never called in for a follow up to the hospital stays, not even by the midwife other then the routine check ups. She only received the routine check ups after the birth as well.

On that particular night Person A slept relatively comfortably except for waking to vomit once. Person A doesn't recall any monitoring other then the routine vital signs.

Not one medical professional breathed a word of this near death experience to
Person A, either during the hospital stay or afterwards not even to her husband who was visiting, or after her labour.

Personally I'm leaning towards Person B having either dreamt it or having an interesting relationship with the truth in this particular incident. I think Person A is too.

Thank you to all who have read and/or contributed. Thanks

OP posts:
runawaysimba · 27/09/2014 02:17

I had a similar experience to these posters - touch and go, didn't realise it till later.
But the point is that (a) it was, like these posters, something that happened during childbirth so there was already plenty of drama going on and (b) not something my midwife just told a random relative about rather than me.
The OP's situation sounds totally unlike that. Person B is definitely a drama queen/fantasist/evil witch.

runawaysimba · 27/09/2014 02:18

Massive x-post Grin

missingmumxox · 27/09/2014 02:54

On surveying the evidence above, me lord I conclude B is a massive bull shitter and I say this as a lady who looked at my own blood pressure during birth and concluded happily it was not conducive to life, and then had a crash call 5 days later. (I was an ICU Nurse at the time)
Basically you or DH will have witnessed something, even if you where unconscious at a point then the hospital should have informed your DH, if friend B was there and nothing in the notes... And she is not BSing then she stood and watched friend A nearly due and not report it... Sounds far fetched to me.

missingmumxox · 27/09/2014 02:55

Nearly die that should read

MiscellaneousAssortment · 27/09/2014 03:12

Person B has changed reality to suit whatever odd need she has to create drama/ control person A in some way ...

UpUpAndAway123 · 27/09/2014 03:42

Person B full of shit.
If you had a near death experience, even if you didn't realise the enormity at the time, you would know that you would have been extremely ill and doubt you would have the capability to potter around a ward after nearly snuffing it.
I know it does happen, but professionally nurses and midwives are not allowed to give such information out anyway to random relatives (disciplinary offence) and why would they when the patient was alive and kicking and could give the information to their relative if they wanted to? Information of this sort would really only be given to next of kin if the patient was too sick to communicate it themselves e.g. ventilated on ICU.

If person A does want to check her notes then she can do. Tell her to contact the hospital. There is a charge and think it takes about a month to process.

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