Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That part of me feels like a failure for wanting a cleaner?

109 replies

Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:08

I'll try to be brief. I work part time, but do school hours Monday to Friday so I do all the school drop offs and pick ups for DCs who are 8, 6 and 4. DH works away on a fairly regular basis and often has to leave very early or gets back late when he's not working away. I do all the cooking and cleaning, most of the laundry, take the children to various after school activities, listen to them read, and basically arrange everything to do with DCs' social and school lives.
I have recently struggled to keep on top of the cleaning, I feel like all I ever do is rush around and once the DCs are in bed on an evening I'm exhausted. I do try to do some housework after school pick up when they're not at an activity but often find I have to break off for them, or to make them dinner and also I feel guilty for not spending time with them. Weekends are often busy with more extra curricular activities which take up all of Saturday morning so it feels like we don't spend much time together as a family at all. I have recently decided to enquire about hiring a cleaning company to come in once a week.
I made the mistake of mentioning it to a few people who have been quite negative about it. One friend actually said "Well I've never needed a cleaner and I have three DCs". It has made me wonder why I can't seem to keep on top of everything and other people can? DH isn't against the idea but he's not exactly supportive. I always said I'd only get a cleaner if I worked full time again. Oh dear, that wasn't brief at all! AIBU?

OP posts:
Ron99 · 26/09/2014 21:14

Hey if you can afford it go for it and don't feel a failure. I'm just jealous - don't tell other people and relax xxx

PiperIsOrange · 26/09/2014 21:14

I would love a cleaner, but not to do general cleaning as the easy once I have tidied up.

It's the jobs like under sofa, behind kitchen appliances and under beds and kitchen cupboards ect.

Charitybelle · 26/09/2014 21:17

Please don't worry about what other people do/think. If you can afford it and it will improve the quality of your family life and time together, the. Go for it. The naysayers are prob either jealous or martyrs!

FloraPost · 26/09/2014 21:17

YABU to feel like a failure. DP works long hours, I work part-time in central London and we have 2 pre-school DC. If we didn't have a cleaner then either the house would be an utter tip or we would spend lots of our family time cleaning and tidying. What's the difference between having a cleaner and buying in any other service like takeaway food, taxis, etc? We pay ours directly to make sure she gets a decent wage btw. Go for it.

PoppySeed2014 · 26/09/2014 21:18

Your friends sound jealous and weird. Almost all my friends have cleaners and it's normal. I think it's a bit weird if someone can afford a cleaner and doesn't have one! (I really, really hate cleaning and am rubbish at getting floors clean Blush)

MsVestibule · 26/09/2014 21:18

Well, you are pretty much working full time, aren't you Confused. It's not as if you finish work at 3, then sit down for the rest of the day. Who cares what your friend does? Perhaps she doesn't prioritise family time over cleaning. Just get a cleaner! I would if I was in your position. And unless your DH is prepared to do at least 50% of the cleaning, he doesn't get a say, either.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/09/2014 21:18

I'm a SAHM and I have a cleaner. I can afford it, that is the only justification I need to make.

PoppySeed2014 · 26/09/2014 21:19

It's "normal" in my world. I understand that lots of people don't have cleaners and that's "normal" too. I am also not super rich but can afford £20-30 a week to keep me sane!

magicpixie · 26/09/2014 21:22

think of it this way, you I'd feel more guilty NOT getting a cleaner

because you can afford one and getting one would allow you to spnd precious time with your children and have fun times as well

they won't be children forever so don't miss the chance to soak uo the fun times

go for it

and just don't tell anyone
not their business

kukesi · 26/09/2014 21:22

You should feel great that you are putting hours towards someone else working!

PiperIsOrange · 26/09/2014 21:23

You are going to be paying for a service you need.

This helps the economy, because you are paying somebody to do your cleaning.

Do you feel like a failure sending your children to school, after all you could HE.
Why have your bins emptied by someone, after all you could take it to the tip you're self.

Is your boss a failure for hiring you, why couldn't he/she do it themselves.

Siennasun · 26/09/2014 21:23

YABU and so are your friends. I also work part time. I have a cleaner because DH and I would rather spend our time off doing fun stuff with DS than cleaning the house. What sane person wouldn't? Your friends are weird Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/09/2014 21:23

I have never understood why some people, often women, compete with each other to be the biggest martyr. Think of it this way...

  1. More family time
  2. Happier Mother
  3. Cleaner house
  4. Employing someone in a time of high unemployment
  5. Less resentment about people pitching in

I can't see any guilt...

ALittleFaith · 26/09/2014 21:25

I do! We have a cleaner once a fortnight. We have one DC and I work 23 hours a week! I do have a bit of guilt but I simply wasn't coping (house still needs quite a bit of stuff doing to it and I could only just manage the basics). DH works long hours (I work shifts). It boils down to my mental health - DH said there's no point in me getting stressed out (I have anxiety) for the sake of £30 a fortnight!

magicpixie · 26/09/2014 21:25

its interesting to know why so many people, like mrs t says, mainly women, feel guilty about things like this

why do you think that is??

Comito · 26/09/2014 21:26

Christ no, it's not a failure at all. We have a cleaner and we don't even have DCs. It's just that we both hate housework and got sick of arguments about whose weekend it was to clean the bathroom.

Go for it!

magicpixie · 26/09/2014 21:27

whats the minimum you could get away with having a cleaner for in a three bed two bathroom house

how many hours would you have to pay for to get both bathrooms cleaned only only a shower room, the kitchen cleaned and the floors vaccumed

could you get away with 2-3 hours once a fortnight?

I'd be happy with that!

elvislives2012 · 26/09/2014 21:28

I just got a cleaner and I'm so glad I did! I spend £20 a fortnight for two hours cleaning. I've got two DC and I'm on mat leave. I would rather play with my new baby than piss about cleaning. To pay for it I reduced my phone contract from £45pm to £15. Fab! Keeps me sane and so glad I've done it. Who cares what people think?!

Original poster
Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:28

Thanks all. I do feel like I'd have to spend most of my weekend cleaning and that would be to the detriment of our family life. I'll really try not to feel guilty, and as a lot of you rightfully point out, I'll be helping the economy! Grin

OP posts:
CatKisser · 26/09/2014 21:29

This'll make you feel better - I'm a single person living alone. When I finish paying off a loan in two months time and am a fair bit richer each month, I'm getting a cleaner in twice a week.
I don't feel in the slightest bit guilty. I fucking hate house work and never stay on top of it. It gets me down to have mess around me and I work long hours. I can't wait.
Look forward to your lovely clean house!

molesbreath · 26/09/2014 21:29

Gosh I really don't get why you are so undecided about this.

You want something - it's affordable - get it or don't, your choice.

Do you have the same angst about getting your shopping delivered ?

TheRealMaryMillington · 26/09/2014 21:31

Just do it
And do not look back
On what planet/which decade is deciding not do the dusting with your own fair hands a failure?

Carpediem2007 · 26/09/2014 21:31

I only have one DC and work 4 days a week, so I am either stressed at work or busy running the house and DC.
DH does not do much at home but tidies once a week so that the cleaner can clean. Tbh, we got a cleaner to make DH tidy up his mess . But don't tell him that!
I don't mind cleaning, I just d rather spend my non working time playing and reading with DC than scrubbing the house.

I had a friend who was full time house mum who got a cleaner too and she taught me that her time with her DC was better spent with them than cleaning for them.

If you can afford it, just get it, it saves my marriage and allows me precious minutes with DC.

RiverTam · 26/09/2014 21:33

who gives a stuff what other people want/need? You want and need a cleaner. If you can afford it, get one! God, I hate cleaning and if I had the money and didn't work at all I'd still get one, and I wouldn't feel a failure.

Original poster
Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:34

You make a good point, magicpixie, if I knew the house was going to be given a thorough clean once a fortnight I'd be happy. I don't know any women feel guilty about so many things, I guess we feel we should do everything? DM certainly did, although I did help her quite a bit as an older child and teen.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread