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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That part of me feels like a failure for wanting a cleaner?

109 replies

Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:08

I'll try to be brief. I work part time, but do school hours Monday to Friday so I do all the school drop offs and pick ups for DCs who are 8, 6 and 4. DH works away on a fairly regular basis and often has to leave very early or gets back late when he's not working away. I do all the cooking and cleaning, most of the laundry, take the children to various after school activities, listen to them read, and basically arrange everything to do with DCs' social and school lives.
I have recently struggled to keep on top of the cleaning, I feel like all I ever do is rush around and once the DCs are in bed on an evening I'm exhausted. I do try to do some housework after school pick up when they're not at an activity but often find I have to break off for them, or to make them dinner and also I feel guilty for not spending time with them. Weekends are often busy with more extra curricular activities which take up all of Saturday morning so it feels like we don't spend much time together as a family at all. I have recently decided to enquire about hiring a cleaning company to come in once a week.
I made the mistake of mentioning it to a few people who have been quite negative about it. One friend actually said "Well I've never needed a cleaner and I have three DCs". It has made me wonder why I can't seem to keep on top of everything and other people can? DH isn't against the idea but he's not exactly supportive. I always said I'd only get a cleaner if I worked full time again. Oh dear, that wasn't brief at all! AIBU?

OP posts:
nailslikeknives · 26/09/2014 21:34

Do what is best for you. Don't tell people who wear judgy pants Grin

usualsuspect333 · 26/09/2014 21:36

So people without cleaners don't spend time with their children then?

I hate that argument for having a cleaner.

rallytog1 · 26/09/2014 21:36

You're not a failure. Competitive martyrish parenting is just the worst.

Getting a cleaner is the best thing I've ever done. It's been liberating. I don't stress about the house, so I can focus more on work and be more available to my dd. You're not just paying for the clean house, you're paying for more quality free time as a family. If other people want to judge you because they're more overworked than you, more fool them!

TheRealMaryMillington · 26/09/2014 21:36

And those with the snide remarks can do one. What business is it of theirs anyway or would they just prefer you were as miserable and harried as they are?

Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:37

Erm, I do the shopping molesbreath as i can't be arsed to listen to DH whining about the delivery cost!

OP posts:
gincamparidryvermouth · 26/09/2014 21:37

I barely keep on top of the cleaning and I have no kids. Hire the cleaning company and feel no guilt.

furcoatbigknickers · 26/09/2014 21:38

Save your guilt. Its fine

usualsuspect333 · 26/09/2014 21:40

Yeah just make those of us who can't afford cleaners feel guilty for not spending 'quality' time with our kids instead.

Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:40

Well I have never had a cleaner usualsuspect and I spend time with my children. I'm choosing to neglect the housework though, which is making me very stressed! I don't know, I guess life for me is very busy at the moment and something has to give.

OP posts:
Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:42

I'm a little confused, usualsuspect, is this aimed at me?

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 26/09/2014 21:44

I can understand you wanting a cleaner and if you can afford it then go for it.

Put the posts on here about you can spend more time with your kids annoy me a little.

usualsuspect333 · 26/09/2014 21:45

No it wasn't aimed at you.

RiverTam · 26/09/2014 21:46

no-one's making anyone feel guilty. If you feel guilty that's up to you.

Mutley77 · 26/09/2014 21:46

Just ignore them. You can see it clearly makes sense for you and your family! I made the mistake of being honest with people about what we are looking for in a new house and the reality is we do need a lot of bloody space due to our family circumstances but I can see people thinking I'm a princess because they manage with less... Anyway don't justify it or worry about other's opinions, if you want one and can afford it its only your business. I used to have a cleaner when I worked part time, my dc aren't dissimilar in ages to yours and it is exhausting.. Even getting dinner cooked after school can be tricky if they need you for other things and my 9 year old is up until 830 often needing a chauffeur, a homework tutor or a shoulder to cry on over her friendship issues so there's no way I would be cleaning after 3pm any day of the week and weekends aren't for cleaning in our house!

SomeSunnySunday · 26/09/2014 21:47

I'm a SAHM (2 DC and one on the way) and I have a cleaner! She comes in once a week for 3 hours, and is a godsend. As far as I'm concerned it is money well spent. My house is always clean (if not always tidy), and with little children there is is still plenty of housework to do for the rest of the week should I feel the need. Honestly, if you can afford it go for it. You will be helping the economy by providing employment.

Mrsgrumble · 26/09/2014 21:49

op I think it's a lesson.. Don't tell people too much of your business. Get one and don feel bad.

Mutley77 · 26/09/2014 21:49

Ps you Def need online shopping too (when do you fit that in!) and waitress deliver free...

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/09/2014 21:50

Huh ususal? Surely anything that saves your time, means more time for other things, including family time. That isn't to say people without a cleaner don't spend time with their children. I work. If I didn't, I would spend more time with my DD. It's just a fact, not a judgement.

magicpixie · 26/09/2014 21:50

usual why does it annoy you, it will enable op to spend more time with her children in a relaxed manner

FloraPost · 26/09/2014 21:51

I definitely spend more time doing nice things with my DC since we got a cleaner. There are only so many hours in the day and something has to give.

RufusTheReindeer · 26/09/2014 21:53

If I worked even vaguely part time hours I would have a cleaner

Or I'd have one now if I had loads of money

If you can afford it go for it

Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:54

Until very recently I was not in a position to hire a cleaner. I'm not going to go into details but money was pretty tight. I was in a poorly paid job working horrible, unsociable hours so I could be there to take the DCs to school and pick them up, as we couldn't afford childcare on our combined income. I was exhausted, but was lucky to be at home most of the day so I could both spend time with youngest DC and keep on top of the housework. By some stroke of luck I came across the job I'm in now, and I got it. My intention is not to make people feel bad about not being able to afford a cleaner, this time last year I hadn't had a haircut in almost 12 months, I was wearing bras that no longer fit me but I couldn't afford to buy new ones! I do know what it's like. And why on earth would I think that anyone who does their own cleaning and works neglects their children? I'm probably really slow at cleaning, that's all!

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 26/09/2014 21:54

It annoys me because it's implied that if you don't have a cleaner you spend all your time scrubbing and ignoring your kids.

RufusTheReindeer · 26/09/2014 21:55

Sorry when I say part time I mean 12 hours or more

Just in my head...not making a judgement on some one who works 6 hours and has a cleaner!!!!!

Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:56

Oops! It took me so long to write that post that I missed your post usualsuspect! Sorry. I think part of me also feels guilty that I can now afford it! I'm determined to feel guilty no matter what!

OP posts:
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