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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That part of me feels like a failure for wanting a cleaner?

109 replies

Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 21:08

I'll try to be brief. I work part time, but do school hours Monday to Friday so I do all the school drop offs and pick ups for DCs who are 8, 6 and 4. DH works away on a fairly regular basis and often has to leave very early or gets back late when he's not working away. I do all the cooking and cleaning, most of the laundry, take the children to various after school activities, listen to them read, and basically arrange everything to do with DCs' social and school lives.
I have recently struggled to keep on top of the cleaning, I feel like all I ever do is rush around and once the DCs are in bed on an evening I'm exhausted. I do try to do some housework after school pick up when they're not at an activity but often find I have to break off for them, or to make them dinner and also I feel guilty for not spending time with them. Weekends are often busy with more extra curricular activities which take up all of Saturday morning so it feels like we don't spend much time together as a family at all. I have recently decided to enquire about hiring a cleaning company to come in once a week.
I made the mistake of mentioning it to a few people who have been quite negative about it. One friend actually said "Well I've never needed a cleaner and I have three DCs". It has made me wonder why I can't seem to keep on top of everything and other people can? DH isn't against the idea but he's not exactly supportive. I always said I'd only get a cleaner if I worked full time again. Oh dear, that wasn't brief at all! AIBU?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/09/2014 21:57

I think that might be more about how you feel about it usual rather than what people mean. We all do things instead of being with our children; hobbies; friends; cleaning; work; working out... Doesn't mean that we don't love them, don't spend time with them or we aren't great parents.

budgiegirl · 26/09/2014 21:58

I used to feel guilty about having a cleaner. I got over it !! It's wonderful

Kittykatmacbill · 26/09/2014 21:59

Your 'friend' is just jealous. Loads people have cleaners,certainly most of my friends with kids do. Ours comes every fortnight for a couple of hours it makes a huge differance and keeps the peace between dh and I!

magicpixie · 26/09/2014 22:00

"It annoys me because it's implied that if you don't have a cleaner you spend all your time scrubbing and ignoring your kids"

no it isn't!!!

I'm a sahm so spends loads of time with my dc, v lucky, but if I had a cleaner, that time would be even more enjoyable
I certainly don't spend all my time scrubbing I do the bear min tbh

but I waste/spend a lot of money on other thinngs and perhaps for me that money would be better spent on maling everyday that little bit nicer, rather than sayig blowing loads on a holiday or a v expensive weekends away and days out etc

I'd be vvvv happy to have a cleaner for two hours once a fortnight
that would do me
and my low standards

Ruhrpott · 26/09/2014 22:01

A lot of the tesco delivery time slots around here are only £1. The most expensive slot is £5. I would start online shopping if I were you and get a cleaner.

Your helping the economy and helping keep other people in a job.

usualsuspect333 · 26/09/2014 22:01

I live in a different world to MN. Having a cleaner is not the norm in my world.

Honsepricesarecrazy · 26/09/2014 22:02

I work part time and have a cleaner 4 hours a week. She does 3 hours cleaning and an hour ironing Including Dh's shirts. I never feel guilty, just relieved that I don't have to do it. I used to have her twice a week when I was a SAHM with pre school children, I needed her far more then than I do now.

usualsuspect333 · 26/09/2014 22:03

I'd rather have a messy house and a holiday TBH

OP, get a cleaner if it makes your life easier.

RiverTam · 26/09/2014 22:04

so? That doesn't mean that many people in 'your world' wouldn't like to have a cleaner and appreciate the benefits it brings. I don't have a cleaner, I would love to have one, not because I don't spend much time with DD, more because I hate cleaning!

magicpixie · 26/09/2014 22:06

yeah holidays are pretty awesome too

bloody love holidays!

Siennasun · 26/09/2014 22:08

If we didn't have a cleaner we'd have to do the cleaning at the weekend. So we can spend more time with DS because we have a cleaner. That's just how it is, it's no judgement on people who don't have a cleaner

usualsuspect333 · 26/09/2014 22:09

And saying you hate cleaning is an honest reason for getting a cleaner

magicpixie · 26/09/2014 22:10

doesn't everyone hate cleaning?

well apart from the odd? oddball

no offense oddballs out there

magicpixie · 26/09/2014 22:12

maybe a lot of people in your world do have cleaners, but they keep them as dirty secret

RiverTam · 26/09/2014 22:13

but surely any reason is an honest reason? Just different people have different reasons, and their reasons are theirs alone, they are not a judgement about what anyone else is up to.

Stuckonthebaby · 26/09/2014 22:13

Flip it on its head and see it as a mark of how far you've come (financially) that you can afford one ;-) And yes I have a cleaner once a week and I am a SAHM. I'd never feel like a failure for not wanting to clean the bathroom or polishing! And it's not like I don't do any cleaning every other day of the week. I'd have her everyday if I could

vindscreenviper · 26/09/2014 22:13

DH & I have talked about having somebody to come in and do for us but I can't get past the idea of a stranger in my bedroom and bathroom.

kormasutra · 26/09/2014 22:17

I love cleaning!! I should set up a cleaning business really.... with some sort of gimmick.
Dragons den here I come:)

But I totally get why some people don't have time/don't like it etc and have a cleaner.

If I won the lottery I would love my own personal chef ( but no cleaner )

Morloth · 26/09/2014 22:22

I have a cleaner 4 hours a week.

She is the bomb.

You have the money and the need, someone else has the capacity and wants the cash. Everyone happy.

Original poster

Lovestosing · 26/09/2014 22:31

Cleaner it is then! Thank you, oh wise MNers!

OP posts:

FloraPost · 26/09/2014 22:40

Good decision.

bikermouse1 · 26/09/2014 22:48

Bravo!

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 26/09/2014 22:52

Geez maneez I am (mostly) a SAHM with 1 DC and I have a cleaner. I would rather have her than wine although luckily usually I get both.

If I could afford it I would have her every day. I wouldn't feel guilty about it AT ALL.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 26/09/2014 22:52

Oh phew. Glad you have decided yes!

Topaz25 · 26/09/2014 23:00

Never feel ashamed of reducing stress in your life. You might want to also reduce time spent with judgey friends who turn parenting into a competition. I bet your friend with 3 children is secretly knackered and wishing she could climb down off her high horse and call a cleaner. My cleaner is a lifesaver. There is nothing to feel guilty about, you get to spend more time with your family and you are helping someone earn a living, it's win win.

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