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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ear stretchers AIBU?

64 replies

Weathergames · 26/09/2014 17:24

17 yr old DS is at college lives at home supported by me. He is lovely.

Got his ear pierced about 8 months ago and is going through an "Emo/Being into metal bands I have never heard of phase" it makes me feel ancient even though I am only in my late 30s Grin - and is "experimenting" with different looks - some more successfully than others but I never really say a lot or take the piss. He does still
sometimes ask if he/his hair looks ago to which I am always tactfully honest.

Wanted to stretch his ear when his earring came out to which I said I would rather he didn't as I have known of young people needed to have their ear lobes operated on to close up the holes. I said this could affect his job prospects and be permanently appearance altering.

He agreed to wear a fake one I thought that was that.

Turns out he has gone ahead and been wearing one and his ear already has a gaping hole in it.

We had a discussion about it this morning and I said the ear stretcher and him going ahead anyway are two separate issues and yes it is his appearance and his body but I would prefer him not to do anything permanent to himself as he is still only 17.

He did pay for it himself but I said while he is living here he has to respect my rules.

He said he hadn't taken it as a rule as apparently I said I would "prefer" him not to.

WIBU? ARGH!!!!!

OP posts:
InternetFOREVER · 26/09/2014 17:28

Unfortunately he's right that you "preferring" something doesn't make it a hard and fast rule! In regards to the ear stretching, I think there's a certain size up to which they will shrink back down, beyond that it's surgery. I know several people who's ears have split leaving dangling lobes, not a good look. Having been a fairly alternative teen myself I never thought I'd be one of those middle aged people tutting at youth fashion, but there you go!

Nanny0gg · 26/09/2014 17:30

I'd be devastated (yes, really, before anyone comments). I hate them anyway -can't actually bear to look at them.

I do not understand the permanent disfigurement that people subject their bodies to and it could definitely have ramifications on his future career.

Any idea what he does actually want to do when he leaves college?

Fairylea · 26/09/2014 17:30

My dh had very large holes in his ears when I met him. I loved it but as he's gone for more senior jobs he's had them repaired - cost £1000 and you'd never know there was ever a hole (lots of tattoo and piercing studios do lobe repair now).

You can also get flesh coloured plugs to make them less obvious.

I'd let him get on with it. One way or another it will all be fine..

Original poster
Weathergames · 26/09/2014 17:33

Hmm he is VERY squeamish to (was amazed he managed to get it pierced in the first place!).

Maybe some image research is required!

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 26/09/2014 17:38

Yanbu I personally think they look revolting and would think something I seriously wrong for someone to do that to themselves.
Anyway he will probably end up repairing it if he wants to be taken seriously in a professional career.

supermariossister · 26/09/2014 17:38

dp has got loads of them certainly hasn't affected his job prospects and if any large meeting come up he can cover them with skin coloured plasters. Im not really a huge fan of them but it was his choice. I think he's old enough to make his own decisions on this one

Mouthfulofquiz · 26/09/2014 17:40

I'd be devastated too. At least daft teenage tatoos can be hidden from view. Your ears are unfortunately attached to your face.

Original poster
Weathergames · 26/09/2014 17:50

There is no hope in roping his father in either as he is covered in tattoos.

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 26/09/2014 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Weathergames · 26/09/2014 17:54

The massive ones have to be sewn up.

OP posts:
LumpenproletariatAndProud · 26/09/2014 17:57

They do shrink back. They don't all end up as big gaping holes.

I know people who had huge flesh tunnels and successfully took them out and let them shrink back. They look like cats arse holes for a few weeks which is very amusing for everyone around them. except perhaps their mum?

I have stretched lobes and they look good, you don't have to stretch them the size of a dinner plate.

Canyouforgiveher · 26/09/2014 17:58

not being unreasonable. I am not a big fan of tattoos or piercings myself but wouldn't think twice about them on another person- but those ear stretchers actually make me feel ill to look at. the thought of flesh colour plugs is almost worse. There is a lovely helpful guy at one of the shops I go to but I never go to him for help because his ears make me queasy.

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 26/09/2014 17:58

Alpaca - they are stitched up.

Fairylea · 26/09/2014 17:59

Smaller ones will shrink back to normal size but larger ones have to be sewn up under local anaesthetic.

Ear stretching may be associated with emo and rock culture in the UK but it is possibly the oldest form of body modification in the world with many, many cultures doing it since the dawn of time. Some cultures find elongated earlobes very attractive. ....!

It's not something I would do myself but I think it is far more mainstream now than it ever has been.

WheresTheHoneyMummy · 26/09/2014 18:08

My DS (19) started stretching his ears when he was about 15, he went up to 12mm but has gone back to 10mm now. He also has a couple of tattoos and he's never had any trouble getting a job, he's currently working in retail. He's also a part time musician so I think the plugs and tattoos are part of his image.
I don't mind when he has plugs in but tunnels or nothing at all...yuk!!!

Dawndonnaagain · 26/09/2014 18:11

Generally speaking anything less than 12mm sorts itself out. Otherwise a minor operation will do it.

AudacityOfHuge · 26/09/2014 18:15

Yep, you can stretch back down if you stop at about 12. I stretched mine at 16 and still have them in now, love them.
For the rude people posting, I could find things I don't like about other people's appearance and express how revolting I find it but I don't agree with being that rude.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 26/09/2014 18:18

YABU

I can totally see your point of view, and I do agree with you but it is his body and his choice

My house my rules is great to a point but I don't think you can use it in a situation like this, the only one it affects is him so it can't be a 'house rule' as such

It sounds like you have a good relationship with him but at that age that can change massively over things like this. You gave him your opinion, he disagreed and your opnion (in this) doesn't trump his

abouttobeevicted · 26/09/2014 18:22

I'm 37 . I stretched mine a few years ago. DONT go past a 12. mine are now normal again after 2 years of nothing.

xalyssx · 26/09/2014 18:23

If he can fit his baby finger through it then it will pucker as it closes.

13Stitches · 26/09/2014 19:01

DH peaked at around 14mm and though they're a bit cats-bum-like now he's a professional, with no problems getting there.

Also still well into his metal 'phase' at 30+!

13Stitches · 26/09/2014 19:03

Fairylea mentioned about it being a bit mainstream now, which I agree with. Loads of 14 year olds have them, and most people have terrible tattoos now. It's far more "alternative" to be under 25 without these things!

(I'm old, aren't I!)

Nanny0gg · 26/09/2014 19:10

For the rude people posting, I could find things I don't like about other people's appearance and express how revolting I find it but I don't agree with being that rude.

Why is it rude? If I came up to you in the street and told you what I thought, that would be rude and personal.
But discussing such things in the abstract and giving opinions is just that, not rudeness.

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 26/09/2014 19:13

Tell him to keep them to 10mm and under and they will heal without a hitch:)
My son did his at 16, I didn't like it but figured that making a fuss would make him more determined so kept quiet. When he got a p/t job he had to take them out, and a few times forgot to put them back in and they started to close very quickly. By 18 he had given up and you can't tell at all now!

ouryve · 26/09/2014 19:17

The deputy head at one of my boys' schools has one :o He wears a very sharp suit and has very well kept facial hair. And a stretched ear.