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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ear stretchers AIBU?

64 replies

Weathergames · 26/09/2014 17:24

17 yr old DS is at college lives at home supported by me. He is lovely.

Got his ear pierced about 8 months ago and is going through an "Emo/Being into metal bands I have never heard of phase" it makes me feel ancient even though I am only in my late 30s Grin - and is "experimenting" with different looks - some more successfully than others but I never really say a lot or take the piss. He does still
sometimes ask if he/his hair looks ago to which I am always tactfully honest.

Wanted to stretch his ear when his earring came out to which I said I would rather he didn't as I have known of young people needed to have their ear lobes operated on to close up the holes. I said this could affect his job prospects and be permanently appearance altering.

He agreed to wear a fake one I thought that was that.

Turns out he has gone ahead and been wearing one and his ear already has a gaping hole in it.

We had a discussion about it this morning and I said the ear stretcher and him going ahead anyway are two separate issues and yes it is his appearance and his body but I would prefer him not to do anything permanent to himself as he is still only 17.

He did pay for it himself but I said while he is living here he has to respect my rules.

He said he hadn't taken it as a rule as apparently I said I would "prefer" him not to.

WIBU? ARGH!!!!!

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 26/09/2014 19:24

There's the door, GET OUT!

And if you add facial piercings you can STAY OUT and I'm not paying for you to go to university!

You will gather I don't like them.

indigo18 · 26/09/2014 19:28

I think they look vile so I would have probably been more forceful in setting rules in the first place.

HangingBasketCase · 26/09/2014 19:31

Flesh tunnels are becoming more and more mainstream. They used to be seen more on alternative/emo types, but I've noticed that lots of the contestants on this series of the X Factor have them in their ears.

BettyFocker · 26/09/2014 19:35

I'm on the fence here.

YABU to say that as he lives under your roof then it's your rules. I don't think it's fair for that rule to apply to how he looks. You can't dictate what an almost-adult looks like because they live in your house.

BUT you should encourage him to keep them under 10mm so that they will shrink back to normal pierced ear size. And tell him not to stretch them too quickly otherwise his ear lobes can get blowouts which are really sore and will require taking them out until they heal. And also clean them daily with a cotton bud because they fucking stink can get a bit smelly otherwise.

I'm 26 and both my ears have been 16mm for about 5 years. I've been stretching them since I was 19.

Only1scoop · 26/09/2014 19:39

Yanbu

They also look gross and it would concern me about his job prospects,

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 26/09/2014 19:43

I think also piercing holes look bad and make me feel queasy.

Size of the hole is irrelevant. It's still a hole.

Meh.

Petallic · 26/09/2014 19:47

At least it's not a tattoo (yet) and the holes can be sewn up. If he's otherwise a decent lad and doing okay in college and has future plans/goals then u would turn a blind eye.

theoldtrout01876 · 26/09/2014 21:29

I dont know what size they were but Ds2 did his till they were big enough to fit the neck of a 2l coke bottle through. He now has huge flappy bits and a giant hole after 3 years without them in.

I take the buggers

cherrybombxo · 26/09/2014 22:17

I'm 24 and I've had my ears stretched to 10mm for ten years now. I briefly let them close up a year ago but I missed them so I stretched them again. I have a good job and a decent salary with stretched ears and 24 tattoos of varying sizes, including a full chest piece that stretches from shoulder to shoulder. It's quite often on display and no one cares.

My mum was worried that I'd never find a 'proper' job but she soon shut up when I got a professional customer facing role. She actually advocates for modified people and got into a big argument with someone who said that they'd never hire a tattooed person and used me as an example of someone who looks like a colouring book but is great at their job. She has certainly changed her tune! Grin

TracyBarlow · 26/09/2014 22:23

I thin it's obviously up to the individual and I wouldn't judge anyone who had one, but they do make me feel a bit queasy. It's just a visceral reaction rather than any kind of judgement. Also, the words 'flesh tunnel' make me feel ill. In fact, just looking at them typed out gives me the collywobbles.

poolomoomon · 26/09/2014 22:37

I had mine stretched to 20mm, took them out and now have normal ear lobes. I can get earrings in them and it just looks like a regular pierced hole now. Maybe I was just lucky... It did have a lumpy bit that resembled a cats arse for the first year or so after removing them Grin but nope, no surgery necessary for me.

A lot of the time surgery has to happen when people stretch too quickly and tear the lobe or if it's pulled too hard and tears.

Anyhoo I think yabu. In the grand scheme of things a stretched ear is probably one of the better things he could come home with. Now a facial tattoo I'd understand the devastation but not an ear plug.

OrangeFluff · 26/09/2014 23:14

YABU to tell someone who is almost an adult how he should look.

YABU by calling the way he expresses himself a phase.

DH and I are still in our "phase" at 30 years old. Both have good jobs. Both have had facial piercings and my DH used to have a stretched ear, but he lost his plug and never bothered to replace it. You wouldn't even know he'd had one now, just a slight dimple if you look really close.

RJnomore · 26/09/2014 23:19

He's 17, what can you do.

I'm not adverse to body mod but I don't like the stretchings, they make me feel a bit queasy somehow. I wouldn't let my 14 yo as it is, past a point, reasonably permanent in that it required surgery to repair, but by 17 then there surely has to be a point where you accept that it's their body and they can use it as they want.

Original poster
Weathergames · 27/09/2014 08:51

In my defence he has been through a lot of "phases" throughout his entire life and never ever follows anything through so IANBU to call this "a phase".

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 27/09/2014 09:17

Dd is now early 20s she did her ear at 17 she only went up 5mm (ithink) did it properly over time and it wasn't huge or dangly and it has shrunk back to size she can wear earrings I quite liked the disc things she wore . If you say to him dont go to big they will go back

Mrsjayy · 27/09/2014 09:20

One of dds friends have those dermal things in her arm it gives me the heebie gebbies [shudder]

SaucyJack · 27/09/2014 09:20

If it was tattoos/piercings/anything else I'd say YWBU.

But..... I think they're grim too. Why oh why would anyone want bigger ears ?!

Mrsjayy · 27/09/2014 09:24

My dd got a job with hers young man in my bank has plugs (remembered they are not called disc things) cant see how people can't have a professional job

KatieKaye · 27/09/2014 09:52

I personally wouldn't stretch my ears and don't particularly like the larger ones, but at 17 I'd discuss it with him and ultimately let him make up his own mind. There are rules for household harmony, teaching independence etc but body autonomy is different.

Mrsjayy · 27/09/2014 10:27

I agree with you katie there has to come a time when we dont have control over our children and what they pierce tatto how they dress . And at 17 he is old enough to have his ears how he wants them.

Branleuse · 27/09/2014 10:39

its up to him, its his body.

Both me and dp have them. There is a limit how far you can go before they wont shrink back, but they will usually shrink back a certain amount, even if they dont fully.

I cant imagine it would make much difference job wise in the UK. You get piercings, tattoos, dreadlocks etc in pretty much all professions

MH2015 · 29/04/2015 14:04

This reply has been deleted

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KateSpade · 29/04/2015 15:57

I really dislike stretched ear lobes, so I agree with that point, but in favour of your son, my mother would never let me get anything pierced & I hated her for it!

It ended up that I did it anyway, lips? Nose, tongue, nipples & I would have liked her support! So I do think you should support him in what he wants to do, but with regards to stretchers, inform him that tastes do change & in 10 years, he probably won't want them anymore - not to change his mind but to just stop him going too large!

lemonyone · 29/04/2015 16:06

Aaaaaaghh! The words 'flesh tunnels' just made my arsehole disappear so far up me I thought I might be swallowed by my own bum.

They make me queasy too, even after all this time of looking at them. I don't think it's rude to say that you just don't want to be looking through a part of someones head that you don't normally see through. It's the juddering dangly thin bit of earlobe that looks so vulnerable that gets to me. Did you see that bloke on TV who has stretched his lips and cheeks too? made me feel ill.

OP - I have no real help for you, other than to say that I would be quite reassured by the fact that these modifications seem to not be an impediment to some jobs, but that I'd be disconcerted that they may put some employers off.

MrsGrimes · 29/04/2015 16:11

I'm sure 7 months on from the OP, the situation is resolved.

hates when old threads are pointlessly dragged up

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