to think its controling if dh comments on what i eat or drink and its pissing me right off

[FestiveFox]

I'm not overweight or anything before anyone tries to bash me

only just sat down at 21.30ish ffs

so got myself a drink a sugar free vimeto
we normally have two cans a day, one at lunch one for tea

then rest of time drink water or squash or tea

anyway went in kitchen got drink opened it
dh heard it and said bloody hell foxy are you on three cans a day now

that was it, I had a massive go at him for being controlling about food, its not the first tie wew have had rows about him making comments about food or drink
hes been like this years

can't fucking stand it

yes I've only just fucking sat down, yes I fancied a sf vimto
so fucking what a lot of people have a couple of beers in the evening or a glass or two of wine
so what

Wow Math do you live in Downton Abbey?

You don't seem to understand that none of these things are said in a nasty or angry way - more a jokey/teasing style. Pretty normal IME! Have you had previous experience with someone who tried to control you in a nasty, aggressive, banging way or something, because I don't and I can tell you that any "commenting" done in our relationship is done in a totally nag-free way and causes no offence.

If Dh saw me picking my nose he would be just as likely to enquire if I "picked a winner", so yes, our "input" into each other's habits are totally equal. And FWIW if he did comment on my personal habits he would do so in a way that would probably make me laugh or roll my eyes - not cry or sulk. In a healthy happy relationship all sorts of things can be discusses without being offensive IME.

It's true all sorts of things can be discussed, but I hardly think remarking on someone scratching himself or picking his nose or being told off for drinking a Coke is 'discussion'. It may well happen by mutual consent, but it is still mutual nagging.

And the OP has said that she resents being nagged, so for her H to continue to criticise her is controlling. It isn't a sign of dysfunction on her part to resent being nagged no matter how right or wrong she may be about what she is doing. It's always better to be kind than to be right in my books, when it comes to dealing with those we love.

Oh Math, you simply need to accept that you're not understanding my and Dh's relationship - you really aren't! I don't know why you are so insistent on finding nagging where none exists. You seem rather determined though, so I'll just leave you to it.

Just to clarify - we do not fit this definition at all:

nagging
?nag??/Submit
adjective
1.(of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something.
"a nagging wife"
2.persistently painful or worrying.
"a nagging pain"

As I said from the start, I would never do what the OP's husband does - he sounds rude and disrespectful. She is clearly upset by his remarks which seem to be said with the aim of criticising her and putting her down.

You probably overreacted a little but I can't believe he actually commented about a can of diet drink.

I genuinely could not work up the energy to comment about whether or not another adult has 2 cans or 3 cans of diet drink. I'm sure it is bad for you but given that all your major organs are still functioning, who actually cares?

Weird. Hopefully you've shocked him into keeping his mouth shut next time.

Surfsup If your DH told you that he did not appreciate you passing comment every time he drank a can of fizz or consumed anything else you consider unhealthy - would you stop?

Don't listen to the bull about aspartame. There is no scientific proof whatsoever that it is harmful, nothing at all.

Just some scare mongering that people take as gospel without actually researching reputable websites. It is not the devil, it is not going to kill you and I laugh when people talk about the evilness of aspartame because nothing, absolutely nothing bad about it is proven.

I live on pepsi max. People often joke about it but I have never had even one filling or any problems with my teeth. I am not overweight and so far haven't had any health problems and I think I would have done by now as I have been doing it for over 15 years.

Your husband is being unreasonable and if mine commented every time I had a fizzy drink he would be swiftly told where to stuff his comments.

I don't police what he eats or drink. As a grown adult I can eat and drink what I like without comment. If I was gaining loads of weight then maybe he can comment politely once, but that is it.

I don't smoke or drink alcohol and eat reasonably healthy.

My only vice is pepsi max. Yes I am addicted but I don't think it is going to kill me any time soon or shorten my life too much ;)

Very sensible comments from U2TheEdge IMO, OP I think your comments to DH were very clear and measured, hopefully he'll take them on board and stop commenting. It might be worth having a think in advance as to how you'll respond if he doesn't. Personally I don't think your were out of order when you had a massive go at him as described in your original post but if that didn't help you and just got you more wound up then perhaps you could think about reiterating some of what you said calmly or walking away.

Same u2, although it's diet Coke for me.

Never touched a cig or any other illegal drug. I have perhaps 4 glasses of champagne a year at weddings and a couple of baileys at Christmas; I just don't really like alcohol! I exercise daily and eat fairly well.

And I drink diet coke by the bucket. No issues with my teeth, though - I think I just have naturally strong and healthy teeth to be honest, and I think teeth are down to luck as much as diet.

Teeth are definitely down to luck/genetics imo.

I have five children, one has problems with his teeth although he has the exact same diet as my others. My siblings have never had fillings either.

I am glad there is enough drinker of fizzy by the bucketload! I always feel alone on these thre

Pressed send accidentally..

I always feel alone on these threads.

When someone can prove to me that it is going to kill me, shorten my life, give me cancer, brain tumours etc then I might listen.

The only websites I have had thrown at me so far are from fear mongering ones or ones with no scientific evidence to back the claims up.

I had hoped that internet urban legend would have died out by now.

U2 I completely agree with you about teeth. I do think it's genetic. Brushing and good dental care obviously help but I do think some people have weaker teeth than others.

I brush my teeth twice a day everyday, always have. Excellent brushing etc, flossing. I have lost 4 teeth to decay (thankfully back ones!) And had 3 root fillings. I'm 34 and my front teeth are starting to erode at the edges! I never ever drink fizzy drinks and have a good diet.

My dh.... well he drinks dr pepper like it's going out of fashion. At least 1 big bottle a day. Sometimes forgets to brush his teeth if he's working late. Never flosses.

He has perfect teeth. Not a filling in sight.

All his family are the same (he is one of many).

My dad and I have the worst teeth ever! (Thanks dad!)

whattheseithakasmean

Absolutely! And he would never knowingly say things that upset me!
We could never have such a relaxed, open relationship if either of us felt in any way injured by the other.

JumpingBarney thank goodness I'm making sense to someone!

If I was married to you, then I wouldn't make the jokey comments and risk upsetting you - everyone has different limits and sensitivities. My uncle and aunt tease each other so mercilessly that they leave me a bit shocked some times, but they are perfectly happy together and they don't do it to hurt each other at all.

Earlier on DH popped out for a paper and as I'm slightly hung over I asked him to get me a nice, cold tin of lemon and lime pop.Have just opened it and thought it was off as no opening fizz to be heard and a tentaive sip revealed that it was flat WTF? Anyway,on reading the jazzy writing on the tin,turns out that it's sodding Iced Tea, lemon and lime flavour < bleurgh > He's now gone out and I have no one to moan at.Ah well I suppose water is better but I wanted fizzy,sugary crap that tastes nice.Do you reckon that it was a genuine mistake or could it be mature onset passive aggressiveness?

Perhaps it was a caring act maras2 - just thinking of your health.
It reminds me of DH (who is a a tad controlling) on holiday, on our last day, we had a few Euros left between us and I was desperate for a coffee. He was equally desperate for me not to spend any of the Euros. He got all narky and said wasn't it a bit unnecessary and unhealthy to have a coffee. Obviously I told him to fuck off. Can't stand being told what to do.

majestic

My friend's controlling arse of a husband dictates what she eats, drinks, wears - they even "share" an email address.
There are tv progs she is "allowed" to watch and certain music she is "allowed" to listen to.
He didn't start out like this - he seemed quite a reasonable bloke when they first met but give them an inch and some of these prats will take a mile.

Nip it in the bud OP and tell him to mind his own fucking business.

Marriage does not include an entitlement to comment/criticise every choice an individual makes.

Good for you op! Not on for him to tell you what you can and cant drink.
( i love vimto, especially the still vimto!)
I also love pop! I drink loads of sugar free squash but love squash. My bf drinks loads of coke and if I'm with him ill have several glasses a day. Don't feel bad at all!
Also love pepsi max, as i don't believe all the hype about aspartame either.
Glad there are some people on here who drink more than one odd can of pop, people talk about it like it's the devil!
I don't drink or smoke and have mobility problems, lovely pop is all i have!!

If you are drinking lots of the full fat coke etc i would get your blood sugar chrcked for diabetes.
It can be raised no matter how thin you are.
Is there a link fizzy drinks pancreatic cancer?

I do nag a bit. DH is overweight and we had fertility issues (they cant confirm/deny if it affects male fertility. So i think that is my business a bit at least.
It doesnt make much difference bug helps me feel im doing something.
2 cans of fizzy drink sounds a lot to me. Especially long term. Dont think i could cope with that much laxative.

In our house we have a saying that started when my DD jokingly once said "i'l do what i like i'm 16"
It is now used when anyone tries to tell each other what to do, in an amusing manner, but it reminds each other that we are equals!

Iv pin pricked with a needle more times than a pin cushion! No my blood is perfectly fine.
Everything seems to be linked to cancer these days.
If i gave up soft drinks id be even more depressed than i already am!i eat healthy most of the time not willing to give up my coke