to think its controling if dh comments on what i eat or drink and its pissing me right off

[FestiveFox]

I'm not overweight or anything before anyone tries to bash me

only just sat down at 21.30ish ffs

so got myself a drink a sugar free vimeto
we normally have two cans a day, one at lunch one for tea

then rest of time drink water or squash or tea

anyway went in kitchen got drink opened it
dh heard it and said bloody hell foxy are you on three cans a day now

that was it, I had a massive go at him for being controlling about food, its not the first tie wew have had rows about him making comments about food or drink
hes been like this years

can't fucking stand it

yes I've only just fucking sat down, yes I fancied a sf vimto
so fucking what a lot of people have a couple of beers in the evening or a glass or two of wine
so what

LalyRawr

Because I care about him!

If he started drinking too much (he has done from time to time) then, yes, I would mention his alcohol intake.

He eats pretty healthily and isn't overweight so I have no need to be concerned about calories etc. If he felt I was doing something that was harmful to my health, then I hope he'd care enough to raise it with me! (He did actually when I used to smoke).

I put a lot of effort into making sure that my family eats nutritious meals, organic as much as possible and has a good understanding of the importance of nutrition, so if I saw DH drinking a Coke I'd be pretty disappointed in him and the example he sets for our boys - and that's why I'd mention it.

My DP can get a bit funny with my food because I'm trying to lose weight but he makes me feel guilty for even looking at treats. He's a bit overweight too and he thinks that we should both be crying into lettuce leaves until we're at a healthy weight and me having a bit of what I fancy is selfish because it tempts him. He's a grown man! We eat really healthy, home cooked food every day and if I want a bit of chocolate I'll have it!

Also, I have one can of sugar free pop a day and I drink 2L of water with sugar free squash because it's the only way to get water into me. Plain water makes me feel sick so I'd rather drink "evil" squash than dehydrate.

I just don't get these people who seem to think that what other people eat or drink is in any way their business.

It IS my business, because I intend to grow old with him and I'd like him to a) grow old, and b)be as healthy as possible for as long as possible. His health plays a huge role in our future happiness.

I wouldn't put up with it.

If you were a child and he was the parent he might just have a point.

Surfs no it's not your business because YOUR intentions are not something which can leach into his personal life. They are YOURS. He may want the same thing...to grow old together but that does not give ANYONE the right to "Police" their partner's lifestyle!!

Your desire to share a life with him do NOT trump his desires to eat as he chooses. You are not him.

Surfsup, your attitude is weird and controlling. You're be disappointed if he drank a coke? Wow.

This thread is amazing.

I work in a shop and if you could see the total crap people came in and bought on a daily basis you would not be worrying about a coke or even 5 cans of sf vimto a day!!!

Isn't everything bad for us and how exciting would a life of organic veg and mineral water really be?

He is being an arse
[adds Vimto to Ocado shopping order]

Do Waitrose sell Vimto ?

But what's the point of living to an old age if you can't actually enjoy that life?

Do you stop him from doing any activities that may hinder his long and healthy life? Do you stop him going in cars in case they crash? If he wanted to do a bungee jump would you stop him in case the cord broke? If he wanted ice cream would you scream 'Noooo' while running in slow motion to knock that unhealthy, life reducing cone out of his hand?

If he eats so healthily, then really, what is one can of coke going to do?

It depends what you're used to, doesn't it?
DH and I both eat well, aside from perhaps a weekly takeaway, and both exercise daily. We don't have any biscuits, chocolate, crisps, etc in the house - not because we're obsessive about what we eat, but just because we're healthy, we're broke, and we'd rather not spend money on junk food when neither of us are bothered about it.

So, if I were to find DH drinking a can of coke I'd certainly comment on it because it would be so odd. I'd probably presume he was hung over, or feeling faint after a hard run, and say something jokey, along the lines of "why are you drinking that shite?!"

Commenting on people's eating/drinking isn't always being judgmental, though that said, in the OP her DP sounds like he's disapproving of the amount of soft drinks she consumes.

As he drinks the same, he hasn't got room to criticise. But I would be flabbergasted to discover someone I love drinks two cans of fizzy pop a day (or indeed, eats two Mars bars/ drinks two bottles of Smirnoff Ice/ scoffs two bags of crisps...as its rubbish).

As a one off, yeah fine, everything ib moderation. But every day? Maybe, OP, your DP wants to start living a healthier lifestyle and this was his (really tactless) way of broaching it. Or maybe he was being an arse...

I would NEVER comment on anyone's eating habits. Only my kids'. Unless it was an alcoholism issue with someone I was close to. I have a co worker/friend who drinks way too much pop and eats almost exclusively sweets like Haribos and fruit pastilles, never proper food, she is very thin and probably under nourished but I DO NOT ever feel the need to say to her 'look your eating habits are awful you're gonna damage yourself' because she's a grown woman who can choose to eat what she likes. A lot of eating disorders are caused from a single comment of disapproval. Now if she came to me wanting support because she realised she had a bit of an issue and wanted to change id be there 100 percent.

Telling grown ups they can't have a can of pop is bonkers, it is. I don't care how healthy and fabulous and thin you are. That's your business, the stuff they paid for that's going into their mouth is their business.

Surfsup, there are more ways of guaranteeing you will not grow old with someone than drinking Coke.

Just to make myself perfectly clear, one of those ways is killing the relationship by nagging or controlling.

josh personally I'd never eat a take away every week

so, everyones idea of moderation is different I guess

DH does this on occasion. MIL does it a lot - always commenting on what I'm eating, what I'm wearing, "are you eating chocolate again?" type of shit, to which I always reply "yes, what of it?". She never has a decent response to that (probably because I'm doing the expectant stare at that point), just a vague "oh, well, I just wondered...."

Sometimes she makes a comment to the DC such as "is mammy being greedy?" if I so much as sniff a Bourbon biscuit. I've taken to doing the same to her and she doesn't bloody like it, but she might finally get that it's fucking rude one day.

I've had it out with DH before, and also done the same to him to drive my point home. He rarely does it now, and does at least understand how I feel about it. The only time he comes out with such judgemental shit is when MIL has been round. Actually, the last time was at Christmas, when DS2 was 12 days old. I gave him both barrels of a hormone induced rant and he's never mentioned my eating habits again.

I am in my late 30's and I will eat what the fuck I like. Yes I'm a bit overweight, and if I cared enough about it right now I'd sort out my diet and get fitter. Right now I don't. My main priority is to get some bastard sleep (sadly lacking thanks to small DC), and sort my non-diet related health issues. I don't need people being "disappointed" in me for having a bit of cake or can of pop.

I am bemused by the people on the thread who would comment on their partners eating habits! unless him indoors or myself were so fat that we needed to be craned from our living room and driven away in a reinforced ambulance, I would absolutely never comment on his foot or drink intake! And yes, I drink the fizzy shite, I also eat chocolate and crisps and crappy food whenever the heck I like. That might be every day for a week or once in a blue moon but at 35 yrs old with my own income and half a brain cell I will decide that myself ta.

Just to make myself perfectly clear, one of those ways is killing the relationship by nagging or controlling.

Just to be clear then, I don't nag and I'm really a very chilled out person.

If I saw DH drinking a Coke I wouldn't be nasty about it I'd probably say something along the lines of "Seriously hon, that shit is terrible for you!" and leave it at that. I would never, for example, do what the OP's husband does - that's just rude.

I love how on other threads a husband is reported as describing his wife as a nag and she's told that he's an absolute dick-wad, but here I can be descried as being a nag for trying to look after my family's health?! Wow indeed!!

Maybe it's hard to understand if you don't really think anything of eating junk-food, but frankly IMO it's exactly the same as smoking, drinking excessively, taking cocaine etc. Would you say I was nagging if I saw Dh smoking and said the same sort of thing? Yes, he's an adult and can choose to smoke if he wants, but surely if I care about him I should say something!?

MrsWinibago They are OUR intentions - it's not something I dreamed up without any consultation!

IMO taking care of each other is a big part of a marriage and sometimes that can involve commenting on things that the other is doing the could harm him/her.

Some people seem to be under the impression this is an ongoing thing that I "do". But I would say I've only ever said anything along these lines a couple of times in our whole 10 year marriage. (Other than when I gave him a good stern talking to about his drinking getting out of control and if you think that is controlling rather than caring then frankly I think you're mad!)

Queen you would genuinely wait until your DH had a life-threatening situation before mentioning to him that maybe there was a problem? How is that caring for your family?

If he drinks two cans a day as well, then yes, he's being weird.

However, if I was going out with somebody who drank two cans of fizzy vimto each day, I'd probably mention how bad it is, in a lighthearted way.

My cousin used to drink the squash vimto and she had several teeth removed and several fillings. The dentist she saw said vimto is really really bad for your teeth. (I'm not lecturing. I'm a chocolate addict, so definitely not one to preach.)

Do you say that every time you see your H having a Coke? Presumably he is a grown man and knows how much sugar he is imbibing along with all the rest of the chemicals.

If that is your approach you really are nagging, and then you should instead accept that he is choosing to have the Coke for reasons of his own that he is entitled to have.

You should ask yourself who you are to question the decision of a grown adult every time you see him making that specific decision.

You are asking to be judged according to your intentions here. That is not fair on the target of your repeated criticism.

And fwiw, I never eat junk, or smoke, and hardly ever drink. But I am not the junkfood, drinking and smoking police just because I care about someone who likes junk, drinks and smokes. Nobody elected me manager of their better interests.

Surfsup, I can kind of see your point, but if your DH drinks coke very rarely (a handful of times in your ten year marriage, you say) then is it worth pestering him?

FWIW, my gran used to do this re coke and anything else which the daily mail says is cancer causing. I dreaded eating/drinking in front of her because I just knew she would say 'I read an article the other week...' She doesn't do it anymore, but she did go through a phase of being v OTT about it. I'm certain it's because she cares, and not because she likes to wind us up, but it was irritating either way.

I don't have a bad diet by any means, and very rarely drink coke. I perhaps eat too much chocolate, but I exercise and eat properly as well. I don't want to be told off for enjoying food.

I don't pester him!! Honestly!!

If I saw him pick his nose or scratch his balls I'd say something about that too - I hostly don't think that's nagging!

Nobody elected me manager of their better interests.

I'm not saying that everyone has to be like us - every marriage is different - but in our marriage taking care of your partner's better interests is part of the deal.

You would say something if you saw him pick his nose or scratch his balls?

In my book that is nagging.

How much input does this man get into your habits?