to think its controling if dh comments on what i eat or drink and its pissing me right off

[FestiveFox]

I'm not overweight or anything before anyone tries to bash me

only just sat down at 21.30ish ffs

so got myself a drink a sugar free vimeto
we normally have two cans a day, one at lunch one for tea

then rest of time drink water or squash or tea

anyway went in kitchen got drink opened it
dh heard it and said bloody hell foxy are you on three cans a day now

that was it, I had a massive go at him for being controlling about food, its not the first tie wew have had rows about him making comments about food or drink
hes been like this years

can't fucking stand it

yes I've only just fucking sat down, yes I fancied a sf vimto
so fucking what a lot of people have a couple of beers in the evening or a glass or two of wine
so what

I like MrsWinnibago's idea. If he doesn't get the message after that, you need to trade him in for a more reasonable model.

Cross posted with your last post, DH family's behaviour explains a lot! Well done you for confronting your MIL and protecting your DD from this, I think his comments are one issue but compounded by his seeming inability or unwillingness to take on board what you've said about this previously. Would you consider some couples' counselling through an organisation like relate? I wonder if that could help.

He is BU to comment on what you're drinking in this context.

YABU to have overreacted so much, and also to be drinking so much fizzy shite.

I'm sorry, but I don't care if I was actually drinking poison, I'm a grown arsed adult who is allowed to vote on who will be the Prime Minister; I'm fit to raise a child; I manage to hold down a job and go to it every day.

I am more than fucking capable of deciding what I want to eat and drink.

And to those saying the OP's husband has a point. Umm, no he doesn't. The Op didn't ask 'is this healthy?' Or 'fizzy drinks aren't bad for you!'

She is an adult who is perfectly within her rights to have a can of drink without a load of unwanted, unasked for, passive aggressive comments from her partner.

you're an adult.

if you wanted to drink 15 cans it's your decision.

it'd be adumb one, but none of his business.

i'd open 2 cans if he commented, and give the cans left a bloody good shake for good measure for when he comes to drink his.

HIBU.

I think it's a bit much to say the OP is unreasonable for drinking fizzy drinks, you may not choose to do it but she's a grown up, it's up to her.

Hell, 2 or 3 cans of fizzy pop is not my choice but it's probably better for you than 2/3/4 or more cans of beer or cider or a bottle of wine which many mumsnetters drink nightly. As an adult, your belly, your choice.

YABU for drinking Vimto. The smell makes me want to barf. Are you Northern?

Well my youngest is only a baby so im pretty shattered and tired

The reason I went off at him is because like I say hes been lke this years even though ive told him firmly many times to stop
I will not accept him trying to control me

Hesays its not trying to control me and that some one that said no you cant have that is controling

I said no your trying to make me me feel bad about it
In order to try n stop me doing it next time

Cant stand him trying to control me
But I really dont fancy drink ten cans justto piss him off

Why iyo is dh saying this then?

He is trying to control you.

OP, this is actually the cause of most arguments in our house - whether it's said at that particular time or not.

I've been 'dieting' on and off for years and DH has always been supportive. However, one of the things he's always done is comment on whatever I eat or drink, it reminds me of the fact I'm not the weight I want to be which upsets me. Once I'm upset I then lash out, which causes an argument and then things just go from there.

I've asked DH several times and in many different ways to stop doing it because it makes me feel bad about consuming anything, healthy or otherwise, but he's says he's not doing it to be 'controlling' as I put it but just doing it through habit. So, if eat chocolate out of the cupboard he will always comment on how much and then question when I 'managed' to do that. This almost certainly tells me he thinks I eating in secret which pisses me off more than anything. He'll do the same with grapes, "oh Blink, how many grapes have you had?" Or "what? More grapes?".

Although I'm slightly over weight I am healthy and have a healthy relationship with food. I don't eat take always but I do go a bit heavy handed with the biscuit tin. DH is very thin and so are the rest of his family, they barely eat anything and consume around half the amount that me or my side of the family would eat at a meal. For instance, I would eat a tin of soup as a meal and have a slice of bread with it but they would share the soup between 2 or sometimes 3 of them and have a piece of bread each.

To look as us it would seem that I have an issue with food and DH doesn't because I am the larger one of us. But I have to remind myself that it's actually the other way round. When DH is commenting on what I'm eating it is not because I'm eating excessively, it's because he has an issue with food. If he is thinking about what I'm eating then he must.

It is controlling when it affects how you feel, I'm not as bothered as I used to be but I don't know how to make him stop, aside from hitting him with something every time it happens.

FWIW, 3 cans of diet drink would do no harm if it was a one off.

are you northern funniest comment on the thread.

Op my late great aunt used to day to me when they interfere just say arse hole to them kid

That has stood me well over time.

I hand the phrase to you.

"are you northern" excellent.

OP, I'm with you, I had an ex who did that, every Fucking time I ate, I used to lose my shit and in the end had to end it as he was just horrible through and through.

DH wouldn't say shit cause he doesn't notice such things. I've scoffed terrible things in his presence and he barely registers unless it's cheese, he loves cheese so snaffles with me

You didn't overreact.

That is the reliable counter accusation of a controlling arse when told he is being controlling and you won't stand for it.

Since you have had this problem for years then he is trying to assert his right to keep on making you feel you are accountable to him for what you eat or drink.

Do you do the cooking and laundry?
Do you cook and wash for him?

I have no idea what Vimto is but I assume it's some sort of soft drink?

To be honest I could never see DH drink a can of Coke or something without commenting - not because I want to control him, but because I love him and I care about him and I find it astonishing that he could know what's in that shit and still drink it.

I don't comment on his other eating habits though unless he brings it up (verbally that is!)

Anyone else fancy a Vimto now or is it just me? Not had one in years!

Have you ever had anybody at work do they same thing!

I had a Macdonald's lunch at work once and a co-worker actually said 'Macdonalds AGAIN Begging?'

I couldn't remember having a macdonalds there before either. Seriously who does this? I was a skinny Malink then as well, I'm a huffalump now

Yes it's rubbish food, they aren't every bodies cup of tea, but I wasn't snorting coke off the work bloody counter or eating it over your keyboard.

Rude, rudey mcruderson.

Begging I read that as "Snorting cake" rather than coke.

"Snorting cake off the table" That's what we move on to when we become parents.....no crazy nights with class A's.....just snorting afternoon tea off the side table.

Ha snorting cake! If I could find a way to drip feed myself savoury snacks I would.

I think it boils down to people feeling like they have the right to comment of other peoples choices, whether its food, or clothing or lifestyle.

Our mates quite often comment on our house when they come in, 'Ooo you have a LOT of furniture...'

Ummm ok? You would comment if I had one chair and made you sit on the floor!

It's a HUGE pet peeve of mine, maybe should head over to the small unreasonable things thread

Have you asked him why he cares? I mean, I know that you have told him to stop and told him you find it controlling and it is ridiculous that he hasn't stopped, But have you actually, when he says it, turned round and calmly said "Why do you care if I have a can/that food/whatever?

What is the reason he gives for commenting?

I'm just thinking that if you put him in a position where he has to explain why he chose to comment but is not busy being outraged by being called controlling (he is being, btw!) then you might get more out of him.

I've had similar sorts of conversations with my husband.

Why do you care?
erm, er, well, because...
but how does it affect you? What's the problem? can you explain why this bothers you, etc etc

Calm and interested works for me.

He tells me that he doesn't have a reason why he said something.

I say that nobody says anything without a reason. Every time someone opens their mouth, there is a reason and I would like to know yours. You chose to say this. Why?

If you haven't already tried that, give it a go, see if it helps. It might not, it's just an idea.

Surfsup genuinely interested into why you feel the need to comment if your DH has a can of coke.

You say you don't mention any other time he eats food, so why is the coke different?

Would you be ok if he pointed out the fat content/calories/sugar/anything else every time you ate a cake, or a chocolate bar, or a glass of wine?

I just don't get these people who seem to think that what other people eat or drink is in any way their business.

I love Vimto. Mix it with gin for a cheap Pimm's a like.

so after going to bed on this row and it being frosty between us this am

I said to him, look I don' t like bad feeling betwetween us, but I've told you about this before many many times
si im telling you now calmy and firmly do no do it again
I do not like it
I find it controlling
I do not find it acceptable
it was 930 and I'd only just sat down
and I can eat and drink what I like
its none of your business
and I do not want you to comment

and he nodded and said yes

so we have left it at that

hopefully he will listen
he seemed to take it n board this am

hes not controlling about other things really
just got food issues

my fav comment on thread is

"Bloody hell, X, are you still an arse?"