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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I got my boss arrested

123 replies

HelpMe123 · 23/09/2014 14:51

I know this isn't the right board but I have no idea where to put it.
I'm nervous about sharing any details but the general gist is that I called the police on my boss after overhearing them beat one of their children.
Social services have called me asking for all details of them previous to this and they asked so many questions and didn't seem to believe me - asking why I hadn't reported before (boss has been bad before) etc.
I'm really worried that they don't believe me (even though I have evidence) and that I lost my job and part of my sanity for nothing.
If anyone on here is a social worker - or knows a social worker - could reassure or advise that would be great.
I'm sorry for the vagueness but I don't want to make things worse.

OP posts:
SimplyRedHead · 30/09/2014 19:27

Thank you for reporting him.

You did the right thing.

Gruntfuttock · 30/09/2014 19:31

"Thank you for reporting him."

Him? How do you know? Have I missed something in the OP's posts?

VeryStressedMum · 01/10/2014 00:03

What an awful situation for you and obviously the children. I have a feeling the boss and the abuser is the mother Sad Sad

Aeroflotgirl · 01/10/2014 00:13

Yanbu, I echo what everyone else has said on here, that you did the right thing.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/10/2014 01:37

If I was looking to replace my nanny I would be far more likely to employ one who had left her previous job due to reporting child abuse than one who hadn't.

It would send an instant message to me that my children would be safe from any form of physical chastisement and would have one other adult prepared to disadvantage them self in order to protect them. I would fall over myself to keep that nanny happy and in charge of my children

PurpleSharpie · 01/10/2014 08:17

Even if no criminal charges are brought, you have done a rare thing indeed. You have sacrificed your own comfort to protect a child.

This, a thousand times over.

Original poster
HelpMe123 · 02/10/2014 09:27

NeedsAsockamnesty that'sgood to hear. though i have just had not 1 but 2 job offers withdrawn beccause of it Sad

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 02/10/2014 09:43

Well done OP.
Go speak to your GP if you are struggling. X

AWombWithoutAFoof · 02/10/2014 09:55

Is there nothing your agency can do to help regarding the references? Or is there a way of mentioning that you weren't the only nanny who has reported this boss, so a prospective employer is very clear that you weren't making a false allegation?

Original poster
HelpMe123 · 02/10/2014 10:44

One of my agencies really dropped the ball with it I think; its a hideous situation that no one really knows how to handle

OP posts:
Tiptops · 02/10/2014 13:02

Oh help I really feel for you. You absolutely did the right thing, the new families have been very short sighted. Your employer really does need to be advocating for you.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/10/2014 13:16

Are you telling the potential employers why you haven't got references, or just saying you haven't?

Could you do some small jobs, babysitting etc where references aren't asked for, to get references?

Original poster
HelpMe123 · 02/10/2014 15:00

I have at least 7 other references from the past 3 years or so - all excellent, but both families this time round happened to ask to check my latest references. The agency emailed them explaining about a legal case very vaguely but it made it sound like I was in trouble. I ended up calling the family I really liked to explain and they sounded really supportive but then I heard nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpMe123 · 02/10/2014 15:00

When asked about why I left my last job I just say "they were moving" which is true. It seems pretty heavy to get into at interview stage!

OP posts:
LittleBairn · 02/10/2014 15:09

Helpmel I'm sorry you are finding it tough to find work, I would look for jobs myself without an agency that way you can explain in person and use your previous references.
I was in a very similar position last year, I'm a nanny too, it was a temp job so didn't imact on my CV but it was emotionally draining. Even if it doesn't feel like it you did the right thing. My boss got away with it then basically went on the run but I've never regretted it.

LittleBairn · 02/10/2014 15:10

Personally I think you need to be upfront, good people will understand why you made the call misleading them only makes you appear untrustworthy.

Original poster
HelpMe123 · 02/10/2014 15:12

That's true. It just chips away at me, every single time I have to explain it and answer all the questions again. I'm also not 100% sure about the legalities of sharing it with families as it is still ongoing.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/10/2014 15:16

I think being upfront is the only way to deal with this. Most families will want to know about your most recent job. I think you can answer this question frankly and then off 2 of your other recent references.

IrianofWay · 02/10/2014 15:18

Well done! You should be proud x

I had to report a friend of mine to SS once. I have never been more scared and unsure of myself - I sat on it for 48 hours before I had the courage to make the call but in the end there was no choice. Children need people who care to stand up for them when they can't.

LittleBairn · 02/10/2014 16:28

helpmel you don't have to give details just facts you left due to abuse you witnessed its now in the hands of social services. Maybe also give a vague name on the CV like Brown that way they aren't identifiable.

redjumper · 02/10/2014 19:53

Well done you for reporting this. The world needs more people like you. It's actually the law under the Children Act for all of us to report suspicions of child abuse, however many people turn a blind eye. You have done a great thing. Try not to worry too much about the short term problem of references, you will get another job one way or another. And don't worry about SS sounding like they weren't taking you seriously. I've made quite a few referrals to them over the years as it's part of my job and they nearly always sound disinterested initially. I'm not sure why. They will take it seriously though, it's their job and they have no choice.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/10/2014 21:15

What you've done (a lovely, brave thing) should be a positive in an interview. I'm surprised the first two families didn't see that.
'Im ever so sorry, I do not have a reference from my last employer, because they were abusing their children, which I reported to ss. I obviously lost my job over it, but that was a small price to pay for the safety of the children in my care. You are very welcomed to hear from my previous 7 references.'

Original poster
HelpMe123 · 02/10/2014 21:17

2 interviews tomorrow - I'm going to steal that arethereanyleftatall Smile

OP posts:
Itsfab · 02/10/2014 21:26

6 months work without a reference shouldn't be an issue if other references are okay.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/10/2014 21:31

Good luck!