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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I got my boss arrested

123 replies

HelpMe123 · 23/09/2014 14:51

I know this isn't the right board but I have no idea where to put it.
I'm nervous about sharing any details but the general gist is that I called the police on my boss after overhearing them beat one of their children.
Social services have called me asking for all details of them previous to this and they asked so many questions and didn't seem to believe me - asking why I hadn't reported before (boss has been bad before) etc.
I'm really worried that they don't believe me (even though I have evidence) and that I lost my job and part of my sanity for nothing.
If anyone on here is a social worker - or knows a social worker - could reassure or advise that would be great.
I'm sorry for the vagueness but I don't want to make things worse.

OP posts:
PansOtherPeople · 23/09/2014 15:05

Doesn't matter how wealthy he is. CP social workers will not be afeared of that, nor any investigating police officers.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/09/2014 15:05

Good thinking about the photos. Poor you, what a shit situationSad

furcoatbigknickers · 23/09/2014 15:05

Wheres the mother

HelpMe123 · 23/09/2014 15:05

Boss can be really good too - lots of presents etc. Though never spent time with them, just gave them a computer to play/watch and then went away. Kids love Boss.

(sorry for the bad grammer, I'm just trying to avoid genders etc. I'm super paranoid)

OP posts:
HelpMe123 · 23/09/2014 15:07

Boss's spouse is around, engaged but doesn't defend them. Spouse was outside the room when it happened and didn't comment on the marks. I suspect spouse is also a victim.

OP posts:
PansOtherPeople · 23/09/2014 15:07

As has been said - stick to your evidence and tell the truth. And if you are from an agency, make sure you tell them as well?

fromparistoberlin73 · 23/09/2014 15:07

you are SO BRAVE and you did right . hard for you, as you lose job

well done you should be very pruod, are you OK?

what a cxxt he is - hope justice prevails

Paraibalove · 23/09/2014 15:08

fromparis is right. Well done. you've done so right by those children. x

DancingDinosaur · 23/09/2014 15:09

Bloody hell. Just keep repeating the truth op. That sounds like a good enough reason to me. Have the children been seen by a doctor to check they're ok, do body maps etc? Thats bloody awful. But I wouldn't worry about him being wealthy. He's not going to be able to buy off SSD.

DancingDinosaur · 23/09/2014 15:10

Pans - I'd rather not give out that information but I'm pretty sure kids would say what boss told them to.

That doesn't matter. We know kids do this to protect their parents and themselves. Its an understandable reaction from a child.

fromparistoberlin73 · 23/09/2014 15:10

dotn let them intimdate you OP (SS)- stay firm, stay strong and dont allow them to sway you

you know I was nervous about going into a shitty management meeting then I read this...WTF do I have to be scared of

well done

HelpMe123 · 23/09/2014 15:11

Agencies know and are looking for another job for me. I'm nervous about starting work again, which I know is pathetic! I'd been working for this family for such a long time.
The detective said he was arranging a medical exam last time I spoke to him but that was a while ago. They aren't keeping me in the loop really.

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 23/09/2014 15:12

Of course you did the right thing. If you didn't who possibly could have done anything to protect the poor children? How clever of you to have taken photos of the injury.

Please note posters: the OP has been quite careful in not identifying the gender of the abuser. "They" "boss" etcetera.

The only thing I would regret in similar circumstances is abandoning the children to their fate. And you may never know the outcome, good or bad.

PansOtherPeople · 23/09/2014 15:14

no, they prob won't keep you in the loop. Too busy collecting evidence and interviewing, and liaising with CPS, checking own records, all sorts of things. He will def. deny it all, and SW/CPS will rely on you, and your evidences.

HelpMe123 · 23/09/2014 15:15

So SS would naturally be more of the "guilty until proven innocent" mindset?

(in the best way, of course)

OP posts:
lowcrabdiet · 23/09/2014 15:17

I am a Sw. Have you only been interviewed by social workers? Have the police spoken to you?

In situations of allegations of childabuse a joint investigation is carried out. In registry the police lead the investigation. The CPS ultimately decide whether there is sufficient evidence to prosecute.

What I would have expected to happen so far is this...
You phone police. Police contact children's services and undertake a joint visit to the family. Children are taken to local hospital for a medical to identify and record any injuries. Photographs to be taken by police photographer of the injuries. Parents and children are all spoken to individually to see what they have to say about home and any injuries the children have. Strategy meeting held to determine if children are at immediate risk (if they have injuries there is very little doubt). Children n are placed in a place of safety (either with family, friends or as a last resort foster carers). Investigation into the allegations and injuries continues and an Initial Child Protection Conference is held.

The onus is on the police to investigate the criminality and the CPS will decide if they have enough evidence to go bring criminal charges.

Even without sufficient evidence (not unusual in allegations of child busy as often it's a childs word against and adults, and children are 'unreliable witness's, however, in this case it's an adults word so evidence is much stronger) children's services can request a judge to make a finding of the liklihood that the parents are responsible for the injuries. They can also carry out assessments of parenting capacity and if it's felt the children would be at risk if returned to arrests care they will seek care orders to ensure the children are cared for elsewhere until they reach adulthood.

You should.be exceptionally proud of yourself OP. Even if no criminal charges are brought, you have done a rare thing indeed. You have sacrificed your own comfort to protect a child. People like you save the lives of children who would otherwise die one day when their finally goes too far and hots them so hard they can't recover.

Perhaps there were earlier opportunities, but it is not easy to be the one who stands up and sometimes it's hard to know what is a physical chastisement and what is abuse. The important things that you have acted now. So be proud and don't doubt yourself.

PansOtherPeople · 23/09/2014 15:19

No, they will weigh up the evidence to see IF there are grounds to take child protection measures and/or a prosecution. Each case is different, but there are guidelines they must follow.

IF you want professionals support, phone NSPCC 0808 800 5000, [email protected] or text 88858. They will talk you through stuff. They are there 24/7 and see this every day.

awfulomission · 23/09/2014 15:19

You are in no way pathetic for feeling nervous about another job. You have been through a traumatic experience too and done a brave and right thing. If they'd beaten their children in public someone would have seen and called; behind closed doors there is no difference.

Really, good for you.

TheFilthiestPersonAlive · 23/09/2014 15:20

You are very brave, it would've been so easy to do nothing.

Flowers
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 23/09/2014 15:20

One hopes SS would go in with a completely open mind. The one good thing about your position is that you left and are not a possibly vengeful, sacked ex-employee. Although that's in danger of being painted as something else. This could be the one opportunity for the spouse to escape with their children. Your disclosure could be the one thing that frees them all.

gobbynorthernbird · 23/09/2014 15:22

You did the right thing, OP.
As an aside, I'm shocked that so many PP have assumed that it must be a man beating these children. That may well be the case, but there's a 50% chance it is a woman.

KnackeredMuchly · 23/09/2014 15:23

Well done OP - you handled it perfectly Thanks

123upthere · 23/09/2014 15:23

Well done OP.

Yes I think SS will be acting for the children first, then you, then the others.

They need more people like you to speak out. Children need their voices heard. Having read the thread last night about the 3 yr old being beaten by an OP's husband I only wish more kids could be protected. You have absolutely done the right thing

You have evidence. And a good record I'm sure.

You are in a strong position. Ss have to ask questions it's their job.

Did the kids say anything to u when u were putting them to bed?

Bulbasaur · 23/09/2014 15:27

This could be the one opportunity for the spouse to escape with their children. Your disclosure could be the one thing that frees them all.

Don't give OP false hope. Abused women have a bad habit of lying and covering up for their abuser. She won't leave until she's ready. If she was ready to leave, she would have already done so, or would already have been making plans. If the marks on the kids didn't light a fire under her ass, SS involvement won't either.

But having SS involved will at least put this family on the grid so the kids might be put in temporary custody while they figure something out with the dad.

In any case you absolutely did the right thing!

Stealthpolarbear · 23/09/2014 15:28

Good poi t gobby but I suspect it is the case

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