Aibu to feel a failure - ds is bully

[crje]

Our ds is 13 ,youngest of 3 boys.
He was himself bullied from 10-12 we were aware and helped him through it(got him professional help)

He is suspended from school today for beating up a boy who slagged him about his hair.
I am numb it's the first time in my 18yrs as a parent that I'm at a loss.
I feel sick for the other boy.
Dh said its all related and ds isn't a bad kid.
How do I parent my bully ds through this .

Not an excuse, but if he's been bullied in the past, then he probably knows that little quips about him is how it starts.

He over reacted, but I wouldn't label him a bully over it.

that's not bullying - that's preventing himself from being a target AGAIN.

He is just trying a different approach. It might work. Don't label him a bully - sounds to me like he was defending himself - albeit using violence which is not ideal, but it sounds like the group of lads teasing him were the bullies here.

I don't think he's a bully either, and I'm hypersensitive about this as DS1 gets bullied quite a lot. This was a one- off and was provoked. And a bit unfair of the school to intimate that he should change his hair to blend in . . .

So he was bullied and he fought back. Now he's a bully. Nice.

He's not a bully. He's probably pretty determined not to be bullied again, though.

In my experience, boys of that age aren't bothered by the odd scrap. Don't worry.