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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you take drugs (legal or not) even if you have kids?

108 replies

dextersdarkpassenger · 20/09/2014 18:07

I'm not talking about caffeine or drugs which are considered (mostly) benign but either illegal or prescription drugs. Do you think it has helped your parenting (or helped through difficult aspects of parenthood)? Just curious as I often wonder if I am alone as this seems quite taboo but I think drugs have really helped me deal with being depressed and being a good(ish) mum and cope with things that I don't think I'd handle too well otherwise (I smoke cannabis, not around my kids).

OP posts:
BlackWings · 20/09/2014 19:26

I know people who smoke cannabis and they think it makes them a better parent. As an ex smoker I see their logic, they're more relaxed, less likely to lose their patience etc. However I can see quite clearly that the opposite is true. One friend in particular smokes a lot and all I see is someone who can't be arsed, child is addicted to computer games which suits her just fine as she can't be bothered to take him anywhere and is always sending him on sleepovers to whoever will have him. Plus her memory is terrible, she forgets recent conversations, birthdays etc.
This is someone in their late 40's so not like she didn't have plenty party time before parenthood.

Sassyb0703 · 20/09/2014 19:27

I agree that there is a huge irrational hysteria about cannabis. If it were my thing I wouldn't hesitate. The hypocrisy spouted by those who would call in social services to those who wind down the evening with a joint whilst knocking back the best part of a bottle of wine, makes me laugh. I haven't smoked weed since before dcs were born, but imho I have yet to meet a family ripped apart by da and violence through there weed use but plenty where alcohol has caused catastrophic trauma and long and horrendous upset to family and beyond.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 20/09/2014 19:27

I take prescription drugs, to control my high blood pressure. They make me feel no different in anyway and certainly don't impact my parenting in any measurable way.

I don't see what that has to do with taking illegal drugs though?

Iflyaway · 20/09/2014 19:28

Of course I would take antiobotics if needed if they still work, due to people eating them like smarties
DS had all his jabs, as we do when off to tropics.

Pacific, google Rick Simpson/Phoenix Tears for medical marijuana info for cancer.

Anyway, I never have a problem when I travel (a lot!) not needing to smoke in a country where it is illegal. My freedom is WAY more important!

had some great times doing it clandestinally tho when I, ve come across it but then I, ve always been an adventurer Grin

NellysKnickers · 20/09/2014 19:31

Used to smoke weed. And do coke. Stopped the coke early twenties as it dawned on me it just turns you into a repetitive bore. Miss the weed though, did smoke it since having dcs, only when they were asleep. Only stopped because it's illegal. As soon as it's made legal, I will be dabbling again, far more enjoy a joint than a glass of wine.

icanmakeyouicecream · 20/09/2014 19:32

Yes, we do cocaine occasionally when the kids go away for a couple of nights.

PacificDogwood · 20/09/2014 19:32

Thanks, Iflyaway, I will have a look later. Out now with DH to have mind altering Wine Grin

poolomoomon · 20/09/2014 19:35

I'm lucky enough not to need prescription drugs but wouldn't hesitate to take them if it meant I survived and had a good quality of life...

Illegal drugs never. I had a spliff once when I was 16 and it just sent me to sleep, I thought it was utterly pointless and never bothered again. Haven't touched a drop of anything else, never been tempted and find the whole drug thing extremely monotonous if I'm honest. A lot of people who do drugs regularly only seem to be able to talk about drugs and it's very very boring. Don't get the hype. Equally don't get the hype with alcohol and very rarely drink.

My SD growing up smoked weed every day around us. He was an abusive violent paranoid cunt so I think that's coloured my judgement of drugs a lot. But I did meet one man when I was younger who had been raised by weed smokers and he was also now a weed smoker, he said he'd had a wonderfully happy and relaxed childhood. He too was very mellow and lovely, I guess it depends on the smoker and how it affects them personally or something... Anyway, bit of a tangent there.

poolomoomon · 20/09/2014 19:35

I'm lucky enough not to need prescription drugs but wouldn't hesitate to take them if it meant I survived and had a good quality of life...

Illegal drugs never. I had a spliff once when I was 16 and it just sent me to sleep, I thought it was utterly pointless and never bothered again. Haven't touched a drop of anything else, never been tempted and find the whole drug thing extremely monotonous if I'm honest. A lot of people who do drugs regularly only seem to be able to talk about drugs and it's very very boring. Don't get the hype. Equally don't get the hype with alcohol and very rarely drink.

My SD growing up smoked weed every day around us. He was an abusive violent paranoid cunt so I think that's coloured my judgement of drugs a lot. But I did meet one man when I was younger who had been raised by weed smokers and he was also now a weed smoker, he said he'd had a wonderfully happy and relaxed childhood. He too was very mellow and lovely, I guess it depends on the smoker and how it affects them personally or something... Anyway, bit of a tangent there.

notagainffffffffs · 20/09/2014 19:36

So shocked by some of the replies! I would never ever ever now that I have dc.
Ive seen first hand gang fights involving guns over drugs territory (our street seperated a boundary). 30 year old guy shot in the head over some peoples idea of a bit of fun doesnt sound like fun to me

sticklebrickstickle · 20/09/2014 19:57

I used to regularly take recreational drugs before having my 1yo DD. I have taken illegal drugs (MDMA and speed) once since she was born at a friend's wedding. I left my DD overnight with my parents so was not caring for her.

I do have friends with children who smoke weed fairly regularly in the evenings and also friends who drink alcohol fairly regularly in the evenings when their children have gone to bed.

I don't know anybody who does drugs around their children though.

Aked · 20/09/2014 20:19

Prescription drugs cannot be a choice if you have a good doctor. They are necessary.Illegal drugs are different and it entirely depends on your view i guess.

Personally there is no difference between alchohol and many class a/b drugs to me. My mother is an alcoholic so maybe i am biased. One thing i can say for sure is that there are many people that can use class a/b drugs recreationally and responsibly whilst living a very normal life. They do not get into trouble, are not aggressive and they are certainly not dependant on it.

In my opinion some people can and others can't - much the same as alcohol. The big problem for me is people's generalisation of drug users as junkies regardless of the social cost or lack of it in most cases.

MiuChoos · 20/09/2014 20:24

I've never taken illegal drugs and now I've got children, there's NO WAY I would.

Ilovexmastime · 20/09/2014 20:26

I smoke a joint at home after the kids are in bed, I don't see it as being any different to relaxing with a glass of wine. We buy off a friend who grows his own, so no worries on that side of things.

In answer to your question, yes, I do think that it has helped me through some difficult times. I got very stressed and anxious after the birth of DS1, and to be able to sit down with DH in the garden at the end of the day and have a chat, contemplate the heavens and relax was a god send.

I was actually worried enough to check with the health visitor what she thought, and she said that what we were doing was not drug abuse and not to worry as it was better than being stressed (I don't want to out myself completely, but when I am stressed a certain illness kicks in, which I'd rather avoid). I do worry about the health aspects, I won't lie, but if it wasn't the smoking it would be something else with me, I seem to be a born worrier. I also worry about the kids finding out and copying whilst they're still too young (I don't think teenagers should be dabbling), but if/when they do find out, I will be honest with them and talk to them about all the issues surrounding cannabis and hopefully they will wait before trying it (and if not, I'll ground them forever... or something (a friend of mine was bribed with hard cash not to start smoking, a certain amount every year until he received the whole lot at 21)).

cantthinkofannewname · 20/09/2014 20:36

Test

cantthinkofannewname · 20/09/2014 20:38

Our two children are adopted and were both placed in foster care at birth owing to illegal drug use during pregnancy (and ditto in an older birth sibling for whom numerous second chances were given and, for all three, health and probably developmental issues resulting from the drug use).
The drugs taken in all three pregnancies were different but it's affected all three in varying ways and in one of the three it seems to have been mainly weed - but it still led to some behaviour that would have been horrendous had a child been in the house (none of them were).
I can see most of the weed smokers on here didn't take it in pregnancy but for our kids the behaviour resulting from taking it is not compatible with parenting.
I think by legal drug taking the OP is probably meaning things like codeine/prescription painkillers but abusing those, which is actually pretty common.

Mandatorymongoose · 20/09/2014 21:05

I've taken Valium before now (correctly prescribed to me) and it's made me a much better parent at the time. Only because I really needed it and would have been a mess without it. I guess it might have been better if someone else could of had the DC at those points but there was no one and the children seem to have survived ok.

Showy · 20/09/2014 21:27

I have never touched cigarettes or alcohol and avoid pain relief. Even a whiff of pot would turn me inside out.

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 21/09/2014 14:01

It never ceases to amaze me how many people have taken illegal drugs of some sort. I am in my late 40s and it was pretty rare when I was younger to know anyone at all who did drugs, even cannabis was not that easy to come by unless you lived a certain sort of alternative lifestyle.

Now it seems almost everyone has casually done at least some drugs at some point or other. I know this is going me make me sound really prissy but it disgusts me. I just think you must all be very weak and a bit stupid. And I don't care whether cannabis is or isn't addictive. Plenty of people can't seem to go more than a few days without it, and they are often people who are useless, feckless wasters in all other areas of their lives. What's so great about spending half your life slumped on a sofa, stoned off your face feeling so mellow that you are not capable of getting your sorry arse into gear when you need to? And it makes you paranoid and depressed.

Pathetic.

Squtternutbaush · 21/09/2014 15:10

Don'tdrinkandfacebook you are of course entitled to your opinion but I would like to say that I think it depends a lot on where you were brought up and perhaps age.

I'm in my 20's and grew up just outside Glasgow in quite a rough area, I was in the minority in that I didn't take drugs of any kind on a frequent basis intact it was seen as "boring" by most of my friends but it just wasn't/isn't my thing.

I don't however think that it had a major impact on any of their lives as most managed to be decent parents, keep homes and hold down jobs.

Yes of course some of them were/are unemployed and what my mum would describe as "no-hopers" but those seemed to be the ones who had been brought up with parents who had a lax attitude to work in general.

Where I live now (in a relatively quiet city in the Highlands) it is common for teenagers to smoke Cannabis and intact rather disappointingly my 19 year old brother spends most of his evenings getting stoned with friends and has done for the last 3 years but he manages to do so as well as hold down an apprenticeship.

Its not something I would want for my children and no matter how much we tell my brother otherwise he sees it as normal, he's not entirely stupid and in no other aspect a weak person so please don't judge everyone based on your assumptions.

TheFairyCaravan · 21/09/2014 15:14

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I have never taken any illegal drugs but I take a lot of prescription drugs. Some are addictive, I try not to take them very often. If I didn't take them I would be bed bound and I virtually no quality of life.

manicinsomniac · 21/09/2014 15:50

By prescription drugs I assumed OP meant misuse of.

I don't now and never will again but I have done both. Before and after kids. I'm not proud of it (in fact I'm hugely ashamed and sickened by it) but yeah, I did.

I took cocaine recreationally from about 16 - 28 and regularly abused Ritalin and valium in order to 'parent' . I've taken a lot of anti psychotics, anti depressants and mood stabilisers, partly because I was supposed to but I didn't take them correctly (timings or dosage wise) at all.

My experiences certainly didn't make me a good mum! But, in a worrying kind of way, I think they were the lesser of two evils at times.

PiperIsOrange · 21/09/2014 16:34

Before children I dabbled in a lot of drugs.

No way would I do it now. Too risky.

If the person you are buying the drugs from gets busted, you to will get arrested. How would that effect your career. I also think that SS would be involved.

Then the risk of a bad batch, that could effect your heath if not kill you, then who would look after your child.

PiperIsOrange · 21/09/2014 16:34

Before children I dabbled in a lot of drugs.

No way would I do it now. Too risky.

If the person you are buying the drugs from gets busted, you to will get arrested. How would that effect your career. I also think that SS would be involved.

Then the risk of a bad batch, that could effect your heath if not kill you, then who would look after your child.