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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off I'm treated differently because I look young

92 replies

DawnInOnMe · 19/09/2014 13:54

I'm 27 but look 20 (not in a good way).

I'm starting to get really annoyed at how I'm treated by sales staff. Classic example this morning when I went to try on wedding dresses I was positively sneered at and directed to the sale rail. I was then refused to try on any of the dresses despite the shop being empty.

This is not a one off, I've been refused to test drive a car I wanted to buy before

OP posts:

arewethereyetmum78 · 20/09/2014 09:18

I'm 35 now and don't get asked as much. Did all the time till I turned 30. I'm only 5ft which doesn't help. In our town the kids from the high school have to queue up outside the wee tesco at lunchtime and go in in pairs. My friend (36 and also tiny) and I went in past the kids recently like all adults do and got yelled at by the sales assistant to get back out and wait in the queue with our friends We look young but not that young. I buy wine in this shop most weekends and never get id'd.

I feel your pain though. I remember having just had my twins at 27 and being in the supermarket with my mum. A woman came up and asked how I liked being a big sister and how said I must be a wonderful help to my mum. She was really nasty when I said they were mine and told my mum she should be ashamed of herself for letting me ruin my life being a teenage mum. We were so shocked we never even said anything. I was so upset we just left the shop and went home.

WeAreEternal · 20/09/2014 09:37

HotPinkWeasel

No I'm not, their reasoning was valid, the nature of the job meant that looking young could have negative consequences.
It just really annoyed me that they considered my appearance was more important than my qualifications and experience.

It was only a couple of hours a week, I already have a full time job and several other small addition jobs on top (similar to this one)
So I'm not really bothered about losing the work, just that it was something I really wanted to do, and I know I would have been able to make a difference with it, given the chance. But at the same time I know that they made the right call, I wouldn't have been able to do the job if I was perceived to be a teenager, in fact i probably would have caused more harm than good.

It's still irritating though, especially since I don't think I look like a young teen.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 20/09/2014 11:31

I can't believe in this day and age, ageism like this exists still

TheBloodManCometh · 20/09/2014 13:37

YANBU OP. I'm 23 but have looked the same since I was about 12.
Though most people think I'm much older when they've talked to me.
I must be a nightmare - "she looks 12 but sounds 30"...

JerseySpud · 20/09/2014 13:47

I'm 30 this year and so far ive been ided for cigarettes, alcohol, leeks (no idea), grapes (bloody self service machines) and for lighter fluid.

flyingspaghettimonster · 20/09/2014 14:43

I think all wedding shops are like that. It is as if they can only hire spiteful, bitchy and sneering women. I went into two and never once got to even try a dress on - ended up commissioning one and working with the seamstress to choose fabrics and design... Ended up spending about 6k which surely a shop would have wanted. I went to a different wedding dress shop later jus to buy the hair accessories, necklaces and bridesmaid accessories - another 500 and they still treated me like shit.

EmberElftree · 20/09/2014 14:46

YANBU if they are patronising you. Sneering sales folk should not work with wedding dresses they should be happy to help. Congrats on your wedding (or were you pulling a Muriel?)

My SIL looks very young, both her face and she is very short and has a very slim build. She got asked for ID in M&S buying wine, we had my nephew with me and SIL (outraged) points at him and barks at the cashier "this is my SON". I was laughing inside at her reaction and that's not a great comeback you can have a baby from around age 9 if you start early. The cashier (deadpan) goes, "If you look younger than 21 I have to ask for ID" with her hand held out.

SIL should have probably been pleased because she does have a lovely youthful face and figure but she was raging about it as she gets it all the time!

She is 40.

Last time I got asked for ID I was about 20 :o(

Trills · 20/09/2014 14:48

The wedding shop were BU, but they would be just as U if you were the age that you look.

FannyBlott · 20/09/2014 15:00

I don't really understand the "I'm 25 but look 15" comments. Couldn't all 25yr olds pass for 15? It's not like people suddenly get haggard in their mid twenties.
I'm 27 with two kids, I look exactly the same as I did at 14.
I look like most 27 yr olds and suspect most 27yr olds get mistaken for being younger from time to time. I'm also only 5ft, some people seem to think short = young, people often assume I'm much younger but I don't actually think I look terribly young for my age, it's just that people in their twenties look young.

Apatite1 · 20/09/2014 15:30

Looking younger has not helped me. I keep getting asked how long I've been in the job by patients or whether I've just qualified as a doctor recently. I'm almost a consultant! A firm handshake and clear introduction of my role prevents this sort of thing. I don't drink so have never been ID'd for alcohol thank goodness. I don't this will last very long, age catches up with you eventually.

Mandatorymongoose · 20/09/2014 15:31

People tend to assume I'm a fair bit younger than I actually am (by about 10 years or so) and since I had my DD when I was very young it confuses people even more.

Pretty much every appointment / open day etc. I've taken DD to we get the whole 'Hi, you must be DD and this is.... ' I usually fill in the pause with 'Mum' but now and again I do like to wait it out and see what they go for .

I remember going car shopping once with my DD and my DF (so her DGF). The poor sales assistant was very puzzled by who was related to who how. She thought my DF was both mine and DDs Dad initially, then when DD called me Mum decided that he was perhaps my DH (I guess maybe assuming I called him Dad in front of DD rather than using his name?) before eventually just asking me and saying 'my, you obviously have very youthful genes in your family'.

Trills · 20/09/2014 15:31

Couldn't all 25yr olds pass for 15?

The majority of 15 year olds look "not finished yet" to me.

There is definitely overlap in the young-looking-25-yr-olds and old-looking-15-yr-olds.

I think its very rare for a 25 year old to look like the average 15 year old.

FryOneFatManic · 20/09/2014 15:35

I am inclined to agree with iK8 as many bridal shops really don't like to have potential customers just turn up. I would equate it to walking into a hairdressers without an appointment and just sitting down in a random chair and asking the nearest person for a haircut.

It's not the same at all. A hairdresser's is a service that you must wait for. A bridal shop is a shop, where you go in to look at the goods and see if you want to buy. Yes there's service involved, but after you've made a decision to buy.

I wouldn't be making any appointments with a bridal shop before deciding if I liked their goods, I'd still go in on spec initially to see what kind of stuff they sell. If treated in the manner the OP was, I'd leave and not go back.

Any shop not liking potential customers going in on spec needs to get a better understanding of customer service. You want me to buy your goods? Then persuade me you're worth it by your customer service.

Ludways · 20/09/2014 15:44

I used to suffer like that when I was your age, I'm 47 now and it doesn't happen anymore, sob!

x2boys · 20/09/2014 15:58

I would be thrilled to bits if I got I'd,ed for alcohol I,m nearly 41 don't think ts going to happen sigh!

ByeByeButterfly · 20/09/2014 16:10

I know how you mean I'm 24 and been ID'd before quite a few times and do look 16-18ish.

I have never been refused to try on dresses though after all surely 17-18 year olds get married too, so can't see why that would apply - same for driving.

So YANBU to be annoyed as it is annoying but they are being unreasonable as unless you were 12 I can't see why you'd be treated differently.

BlinkingHeck · 20/09/2014 16:23

I am 35 and got ID'd in Marks and Spencer this year trying to buy a Dine in for two meal with a bottle of red wine. FFS!

I was mistaken as a student helper by a teacher at my sons school by one of the teachers when he let me in. He took me to the class and introduced me as 'this young lady has come to help'. I'm actually a school governor, knew where I was going and needed no introduction!

I was also mistaken as a student when temping in a nursery a couple of years ago.

When pregnant 9 years ago I got some funny looks must've thought I was an I married teen Mum as I couldn't get my rings on.

I'm not complaining too much.

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