To be pissed off I'm treated differently because I look young

[DawnInOnMe]

I'm 27 but look 20 (not in a good way).

I'm starting to get really annoyed at how I'm treated by sales staff. Classic example this morning when I went to try on wedding dresses I was positively sneered at and directed to the sale rail. I was then refused to try on any of the dresses despite the shop being empty.

This is not a one off, I've been refused to test drive a car I wanted to buy before

YANBU. I'm 23 I look about 15/16.

IDed for everything.
Sales people knocking on the door asking if mum or dad is home? Err no, this is my house.
Had a few occasions where DP has been mistaken for my dad!
Teenage brother being mistaken for my boyfriend. Brother was not impressed especially when I'd just had DC2 and the midwife thought he was the dad
My midwife was going to refer me to the teenage pregnancy midwife, until I made her check my date of birth.
I have a 1 and 3 year old and I can feel the judgy looks...

I get this too. I'm 25 but I get ID'd for everything.

The funniest time was coming back off holiday about 4 years ago. They asked my 14 year old sister for permission to search me! She's just 18 and still looks older than me now, has done since she was about 12 I think.

OP I'm the same as you and I agreeit is frustrating. Ignore all the sarcastic comments. If they had a problem with any other aspect of your appearance they wouldn't get away with it.

I have this problem at work. I was once asked who I was doing work experience with at a v important meeting. among other things.

It's one of the reasons I now work for myself in a position where I don't have to be face to face with customers/clients. Honestly.

Try being a teacher. I was always mistaken for a student in my early years. Most embarrassing was on an outward bound trip when a year 9 student was approached by the instructor as they assumed she was the teacher not me! And another time when I went to ask for the key of a classroom and was asked 'who's your teacher?' :-/

OP, I'm not clear why you put down the sales staff behaviour to perception of age and not perception of wealth. Considering you were directed to the sale rail, I would have thought it was the latter.

I can easily pass for a teenager, as can DH. But if doesn't shave, he looks his age and people think he's hooking up with jail bait. I will not go into the stares I got while pregnant.

Now we're just assumed to be a young family. I guess a child brought us up to "adult" status.

Though, when I go out with DM (who also looks younger than her age) shopping with just me, her, and the baby, people assume she is the mother.

This has always happened to me too. When I got married at 22 I looked about 14. Now I'm 47 and go out with my 19 year old DD I get a lot of funny looks...it's taken me a while to work out that people are either trying to figure out our relationship because mother and daughter is not the obvious one, or speculating that I must have had a teenage pregnancy. Not a stealth boast because although yes, it's flattering that people think you're younger then you really are, in reality it's frustrating that people are seeing something that's not there, if you see what I mean. Plenty of times I'm out with my 3 teens and go to order or pay for something and the assistant/waitress is looking for the 'grownup' in the group doesn't help they're all taller than me

ME TOO. I look 15. I often get asked if the homeowner is in (yes, I am she ). I'm 25 in November too (hey Robb!) and I work in a cafe where I waitress and cook so wear gross clothes, am always boiling, and makeup will just sweat off. All these yummy mummies come in and I feel like such a child!!!

I'm waiting to see if when my baby bump grows I get any faces or comments. When I got married I was astonished by how many perfect strangers came out with the likes of 'you're 22 and MARRIED?? WHY????'

RANT!

I don't think I dress scruffily, I think I dress normal, smart trousers, blazers etc.

Maybe I do look poor but what is looking poor? I'm certainly not unkempt.

To make it clear, I think the assume I'm poor/young and haven't had time to amass wealth yet.

YANBU. I have had this all my life. I'm 39 now so it's tailing off a bit now but when I was in labour I had to go to another hospital as the one I was due at was full so it wasn't in my town and they hadn't read my notes. I was greeted with "Oh you're young you'll have a breeze giving birth" and "Oh is that your dad" re my DH who is only 11mths older btw. I was 28 and said so and they said "Oh well it may be a bit harder giving birth then" and whether it was a fulfilled prophesy I don't know but 3 days later DD was born as there was complications.

The midwife when I first became pregnant with DD1 was surprised I was married as she assumed I was a youngster.

I too have been asked for ID in ASDA. I was buying a chopping board with cheese but it came with a tiny knife. I would have had to have been under 16 to have been too young to buy that and was in my 30s. My ID makes me look older being black & white so even that gets questioned (old college NUS ID card).

Perhaps bring someone with you to try on dresses or ring ahead and explain to save embarrassment as I do understand your pain.

Ok, well, the wedding shop was BU to treat you that way, but they've lost a customer.

But I think YABU to assume it was an age thing. I used to look young for my age and have been ID'd in the last year or so when buying wine and a spatula with a toddler on my hip

But people don't speak to me like that. Ever. I have a special 'don't shit with me' face I think . I now have braces so look confusingly like a knackered, slightly overdressed teen mum.

I'm very young in my line of work and not that long ago was asked if I was with my colleague because it was 'bring your daughter to work' day .

I gave him The Look.

People have also mistaken DD to be my sister luckily she thinks it funny now but she won't in a couple of years when she's a teen

I wasn't casting aspersions at you, Dawn. In fact, I've been treated with utter contempt in one shop (Space NK) and I have no doubt it was because they assumed I was a confused old bag lady who'd wandered in, rather than a prospective customer. I'm immaculately clean, as are my clothes, I hasten to add, but I could never be described as well-dressed. That is because I put on a lot of weight due to side-effects of medication and lost all interest in clothes, feeling that I'm going to look dreadful whatever I wear I wasn't the type of person they're used to seeing in their shop and certainly not the type of person they would expect to buy anything.

Think of the film, Pretty Woman, she was treated badly because they assumed her to be poor, not because they assumed her to be younger than she was.

It was just a thought, and I'm very sorry if I offended you by the clumsy way I wrote my post.

YANBU! I totally know where you're coming from and I hate it when people say 'Oh but at least you look young'. People are so rude to you, I've had people walk up to me on the train and demand I get out of my seat for them when I was a week shy of my 30th birthday.

I actually think it's really sad for people who genuinely are young too though, they don't deserve to be treated like crap either.

What I learnt though is that the reason why most people treat people who they think are young badly is because they don't think they will stand up for themselves. I learnt to be assertive to the point of aggression which resolved this for me. If I get a bus conductor or something doing it I just look them in the face and say 'Do not speak to me in that tone of voice'. As soon as they realise you're not a pushover they panic.

I got Asked for ID on the day of the word cup for buying beer. I had sent my drivers licence off to get updated and so had no ID on me. Had a big argument with the guy at the till which culminated in me showing the guy at the checkout my wedding photos on my phone. He relented and let me buy the beer haha

I get this too. I'm 32 and look about 15 .

I'm given the children's menu in restaurants.

my 11 year old dd and I have been mistaken for friends. When I correct them I can sense their judgement as they think I must have had her when I was really young.

People always speak down to me and I have to try really hard to prove myself.

I've also answered the door to salesmen and been asked if my parents are in.

why do people think looking young is a good thing? It's a pain in the arse.

Another one here who gets ID'd.

Last time was in ASDA, was buying an 18 rated Blu-Ray. DENIED. Don't actually have any ID so my entire basket was left there for him to put back. That'll show 'im!

I'm 32. Was accompanied by my son wearing the local secondary school uniform. I dress 32 - lots of Boden jersey dresses and sensible boots. And I'm getting crows feet now when I smile.

People say, 'Ooo, you should find it flattering!' I don't. I find it fucking annoying.

Weirdly enough enough when I was 14/15/16 I spent a lot of time drinking pints of cider in the local pubs. Never asked for ID. Not once.

I've been asked if my mum was in by a door canvasser.

I've had a bottle of wine cancelled in a restaurant as the manager didn't think I was 18. I was 31 at the time - when the manager came over to tell me they wouldn't be serving me alcohol I was very polite and asked why ever not, he said "sorry miss, you need to be 18 to purchase alcohol" in a very odd voice; I then told him my date of birth and then pulled my ID out to prove it. I was older than him!

In my last job I was training a new girl, (she was 19) and a manager walked in and looked shocked, and then went to my team leader and demanded to know why two new girls were sitting together with no one training them... she was baffled and replied that "actually, Squirrel has worked here for 7 years" he then shouted across at me "how old are you?" and when I told him he looked really surprised. He didn't say anything else but just walked out again. Everyone cracked up.

Went on a mini cruise quite a few years ago, while walking off the boat there was a school trip, and the students were being waved to one side to form a queue while the other passengers were being directed to the coach for the city visit. I went to walk toward the coach and was told to go back to join the queue of school kids. I laughed and said, "no, I'm booked on this trip and I left school in 1986" and carried on walking.

Think the best one was when I went to my DC's parent's night at school. I sat down with my DS, and the teacher said, to DS, "Did you bring your sister because your mum couldn't make it?" and then DS said "um, this IS my mum". Never seen anyone go as red as that teacher did! This was 5 years ago.

My NDN is positive that I am late twenties. With DC of 18 & 19...?

I do find it a PITA having to justify that I am a bloody adult! It does run in my family though, my Nan looked mid 60's when she was 89.

It's ageism.

But of course ageism only applies to the old...

Squirrel, how did the restaurant manager react when you proved your age?

When I taught in a lycée (15 to 18/20-year-olds) for the first time, at 24, I was often mistaken for a pupil by the staff.
When DS was born, when I was 25, I had lots of patronising comments in the street because people assumed I was much younger.

Now, at 33 and with 3 DCs, I look old and tired and I miss those days.

I have the same problem. I am 24 but look like a teenager.

Last year I went to the cinema with my Mum and the guy behind the counter said 'one adult and one child?' Child tickets only go up to age 14 Also I was in Costco recently and wanted to try a sample of some food and the woman asked me my age, which was odd!

But yes, I get a lot of dodgy looks and people patronising me thinking I'm a teenage mum when I'm out with dd. I get followed around shops by security all the time, even though I just look normal and not suspicious at all. I feel judged very often. My mum thought I was just being very paranoid until she came to the health visitor and then out shopping with me and saw it for herself.

All I can come up with is when I was working Saturdays in Woolworth's. I was on the electrical counter (well, behind it so that dates this) and we had to test each light bulb before it was sold (which dates it even more).

Anyway, my mother came in and stopped to have a friendly word with me. Other staff asked me how old my sister was. I was not very pleased but my mother (35) was over the moon when I told her on arrival back home.

She remarried at 80 and looked about 55. She never had wrinkles.