WWYD -lying to medical insurance.

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Well. Not exactly lying, more exaggerating. Please stick with me, it's quite involved.

So we have ds conceived easily and naturally but have been TTC dc2 for 2 years, our issue is extreme male factor (hardly any sperm usual shape).

We've had two failed rounds of icsi Ivf where we got to transfer but have never had any embryos survive to blastocyst. However both times they gave us about a 35% chance of success.

Both failed and at my follow up appointment the consultant advised me to have a laparoscopy to see if the c section I had with ds has caused endometriosis. I did have some problems following my c section (retained product, sorry tmi) and the consultant said that scar tissue may be stopping embryos from implanting. I personally think that the embryos have just stopped developing since none of the ones we didn't transfer did brilliantly but he's the expert I guess.

Anyway a laparoscopy costs £4k privately. The only symptom I have of endo is extremely painful ovulation which I have been to the gp for previously even when we weren't TTC. It is much much worse since having ds and sometimes makes me cry with pain and lasts for several days. Other months not so bad but definitely painful every month. The gp basically said that the nhs would just give me progesterone treatment to stop me ovulating and hence stop the pain but that is no good when TTC. The nhs won't help me with anything fertility wise because we already have one child. Fair enough.

We have private medical insurance which we've paid for a long time but they won't pay out understandably for fertility issues or I think for problems caused by childbirth, which possibly mine is. I have to be honest and say I probably wouldn't go for a laparoscopy if we weren't TTC and I wasn't worried about scar tissue affecting implantation, we will never get pregnant naturally because dh's sperm is so poor.

The private consultant has advised me to tell the gp that Im suffering painful periods, bleeding between periods, painful sex and pain on ovulation. It just doesn't sit well with me and I'm a crap liar. The only bit that's true is the painfuld ovulation. He said to ask the gp to refer back to him and as long as the insurance don't get wind of fertility issues it'll be ok. I've spoken to the insurance and told them that we've had fertility treatment for male factor infertility and they said that was ok, it wouldn't affect this claim. But it still feels wrong.

Otoh god I want a baby and we've already spent £10k on treatment and don't really want to spend another £4k on something that may or may not help. The sensible thing would just be to except I've got one child and live with it but it's so hard. I'm only 31. I don't want to feel sad about this for the rest of my life.

WWYD?

They'd equally ask if you just had the two. No one really gives a flying fig it's small talk.

Stop feeling you and your family are inferior. Be thankful you were able to have one child.

I am. Thankful.

But it still feels like someone is missing all the time.

If you have painful ovulation and a laparoscopy forms part of the investigation for that, then that is not a lie. The fact that you are also TTC is besides the point. You don't need to say that. As is the fact that the NHS would just give you a different treatment and presumably not bother with the laparoscopy.

Perhaps not all policies are the same, but mine (now 3 as we have changed insurers twice) have covered issues directly stemming from childbirth, namely the surgical repair of birth injuries, stacks of gynae physio and treatment by an orthopaedic surgeon.

When you go and see the GP, you just need to say about the painful ovulation and ask for a private referral for investigation. You don't need to say that you are TTC and that is why you don't want to go down the NHS route of treatment, or that because of TTC a laparoscopy will also give you additional information regarding fertility issues.

I am amazed how judgemental people are regarding infertility
I had my little boy through Icsi (6th attempt) afterwards I started to suffer from ovulation pain and it could be painful to sit down when I had my period. I origionally started seeing my gp and had scan etc then was going to be referred to gynaecology. I spoke to my health insurance who like yours don't cover fertility issues or pregnancy etc. They were quite happy for my claim to go through and I saw a consultant and had a laparoscopy which showed I had mild endo although the consultant thought I might have adhesions.
The ttc isn't really relevant to your claim yes you might not have bothered having the pain investigated if you weren't hoping to have another but you do have the pain so you are entitled to use the medical insurance you have paid for to get this investigated /treated. It would potentially be fraud if you were making up all your symptoms. If you tell your gp you have insurance they should do you a referral letter then I rang insurance explained what I was having pain with I chose my consultant and then sorted my appt . Once I saw the consultant I then spoke to my insurance again to make sure they were ok with the treatment the consultant had recommended. Just be aware of the limits on your insurance as I had to pay some as went over the limit of my insurance.
I honestly cannot see how this is fraud???
On a different note has your partner tried any supplements etc my dh saw a massive improvement in motility and count after taking certain supplements for 3mthd (has to be 3mth minimum) as well as making life style changes. Messgae me if you want any advice/info
Take a look at fertility friends website full of supportive people including those with secondary infertility and loads of advice and good luck no one know what this journey is like until you have experienced it xxx

Op is just expressing why she is going to these lengths, ivf etc to conceive a second.
Infertilty is naturally depressing, stress and loads of drs appts meds affecting your hormones. Its a bit like gambling as they cant give you answers to why it does or doesnt work so you want to keep trying. And all the time on a roller-coaster of optimism and pessimism.
When you have identified issues the only way to succeed is to keep trying ivf.
Most people want more than one child and wouldnt give up after 3-4m trying well ivf can be the chances of 1-2m trying per cycle so you have to have a few goes possibly to have had a good shot at it(especially with all this SET)

To get to ivf stage people would have to be committed to having that child (its so much hassle) so i wouldnt expect Op to be take it or leave it about 2nd child. Cost, risks, time.
Its life changing not to have the choice about the number of kids you want (in some ways more difficult i expect as you think you are fertile and not everyone would consider going that far for a second plus increasing age gap.)
I expect most people who have #2 want their first to have a playmate etc but just dont have to examine their reasons too closely. Having to think about it and dwell on it whilst waiting between treatments and negative tests probably doesnt help.