To be massively pissed off with my DP re:friends wedding

[espressotogo]

We were invited to a friends wedding - evening reception, months ago - we accepted and it is next Friday eve. I mentioned it on the phone this eve ( he is away tonight but has known when it is for months)and he ummed and ah he'd and said 'oh we'll have to see about that' apparently dss may get selected for trials for a league 2 football club and dps ex is out on that night for her birthday so DP might have to take him. There are other people DP could get to take him ie: mil or sil but he would quite like to be there. Aibu to think the longstanding wedding invite which we accepted should be the priority ?

"No one has suggested that the mum cancels birthday plans to take the son."

But as the OPs DP wants to take his son, quite rightly and understandably, whether his mother goes or not makes absolutely no difference to anything. Yes personally I think it's strange she isn't going, but I would expect the OPs DP to still go either way. Certainly if it were DS1 going, both DH and I would go, and probably Grandad would be clamouring to come as well!

Your DH should go with his son, BUT he should have made it clear to his ex ages ago, that he had plans that night so couldn't have their son that night.

His rationale is that the later he tells me, the less time I have to go mad about it

This is extremely shitty behaviour. He's basically saying he can't be arsed to deal with your point of view so he's going to lie by omission to avoid hearing your feelings (And creating a cycle where he can used your emotions against you, to keep getting what he wants at your expense).

There is no issue with his mum going out for her birthday - wild horses wouldn't keep him away if DSS gets selected ! The issue is with how DP handles these situations. Yes it is shitty behaviour - he sticks his head in the sand and taking the cowards way rather than growing a pair and giving advance notice - to me and his ex of any plans. He claims he forgets !!
If anyone knows how to break the cycle - let me know !!

I would be quite tempted to start arranging things for myself and then tell him at the last minute. Childish I know but...
I still find it surprising the mum doesn't want to go. I hate football but would still be there. In the 9 or so years my DC played football I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I missed a match.

Glad you have come round to see what is really important in this situation. Look at it this way, in a few months time the wedding will just be a distant memory but your DSS will remember his football trial forever, and he and his Dad will talk about it forever, which they can't if his Dad is not there,

AbbieHoffmansAfro Thank-you.

Can I just ask one thing? Your OP makes it sound as if the reason he's bailing isn't because of the trial per se, but because his ex will be out that night so 'he will have to take him instead'-! Does that mean that if ex was around that night, your DP wouldn't have gone, his ex would? Subtly changes it all if so.

Castlemilk

It is technically DPs night but, as we got the wedding invite months ago I assumed he had swapped his night to accommodate this - the fact that his ex is going out suggests that he hadn't ( which I have taken issue with) However, the fact that the trial is on that night would have trumped everything probably even if I'd been giving birth or honoured by the queen :)