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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be massively pissed off with my DP re:friends wedding

84 replies

espressotogo · 17/09/2014 23:16

We were invited to a friends wedding - evening reception, months ago - we accepted and it is next Friday eve. I mentioned it on the phone this eve ( he is away tonight but has known when it is for months)and he ummed and ah he'd and said 'oh we'll have to see about that' apparently dss may get selected for trials for a league 2 football club and dps ex is out on that night for her birthday so DP might have to take him. There are other people DP could get to take him ie: mil or sil but he would quite like to be there. Aibu to think the longstanding wedding invite which we accepted should be the priority ?

OP posts:
ScrambledEggAndToast · 18/09/2014 06:49

This could be your DPs son's only chance at this, whereas his attendance isn't mandatory at the event for it to happen. Can't you go by yourself or with a friend? Or maybe the two of you go a bit later on.

Sunna · 18/09/2014 06:50

I don't understand why his mother can't take him. Surely she should prioritise her son over an evening out, especially when her ex has a long standing agreement to attend an important event with friends.

If it's her day for custody, she takes him.

CinnabarRed · 18/09/2014 06:52

Agreed - you should definitely still go. Is it even a sit-down event in the evening? Usually they're more buffet affairs because this sit-down meal was during the afternoon.

MaryWestmacott · 18/09/2014 06:53

Can you take an alternative date for the evening? Any friends who might be free?

Stupidhead · 18/09/2014 06:54

Go by yourself! You might not know many people there but then again you might. And because you're on your own you can always leave before the dancing kicks in. Your friends (the newly marrieds) would fully understand why your DP couldn't make it. Going by yourself is the polite thing to do for them.

chaseface · 18/09/2014 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lavenderhoney · 18/09/2014 06:58

You can still go! He can't, due to his unforeseen circumstances.

Call the bride and tell her and ask if you can bring a friend if you have one on standby or she can invite someone else. But call her quickly whatever you decide!

Original poster
espressotogo · 18/09/2014 07:04

You know what ? You're right I will go either with a friend or on my own - the bride is more my friend rather than us being friends with the couple. I think I just wound myself up about it. The perspective you lot have given me has been so useful and diffused what could have been ( thanks to me) a big row

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 18/09/2014 07:04

I know it can be hugely frustrating but this is life as a step mum/partner to someone with kids from a previous relationship.

That is completely irrelevant to the scenario in the OP. It has absolutely nothing to do to with the step part of the relationship.

Surely she should prioritise her son over an evening out

Um, and the father shouldn't...?

FishWithABicycle · 18/09/2014 07:05

DP is right to prioritise his son for an important trial like this. In your OP you said he might get selected - is that decision made yet? This whole problem may go away if he's unlucky.

However yabu to therefore not go yourself either. This is your friend, who is expecting you to be there on her special day, and you accepted months ago. So you won't know that many people there - but you'll know some, and can get to know others very easily ('so tell me how you know N & N' can be said many many times). You don't have to stay the whole evening but you should put in an appearance.

"it might be even more difficult to get one replacement guest rather than a couple." is not a legitimate reason for you to pull out too. The wedding is on next Friday, your friend is not going to be inviting any replacement guests at such short notice.

FishWithABicycle · 18/09/2014 07:07

Sorry op xpost

chaseface · 18/09/2014 07:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunna · 18/09/2014 07:21

*"Surely she should prioritise her son over an evening out

Um, and the father shouldn't...?"*

Why should he prioritise it more than the mother? He arranged this night out months ago and, obviously, the child was meant to be with his mother on that night.

Why is her night out more important? I don't get it.

chaseface · 18/09/2014 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglylines · 18/09/2014 07:29

Brilliant OP, really glad you've had a change of heart and are going. I hope you have a lovely evening, and you return home to find out DSS did brilliantly in the trials too :)

Hissy · 18/09/2014 07:35

it's not even a 'wedding invite' it's reception only!

go on your own you big wuss, and give thanks to GOD that your DP gives enough of a shit about his children to want to go!

this is not just a kickabout in the park, or even a school game, this is League Football, this lad must be really good, so has a chance of making something out of it.

an evening invite means that only, go on your own, you don't have to stay for long, who knows, you might even enjoy yourself.

never ceases to amuse me at grown women not being able to attend things without their OH, you don't melt you know, people don't point and laugh if you go alone.

what on earth did these women do about going out before they were joined at the hip with a bloke?

EVERYONE at the wedding would understand about why your DP isn't there, and they'd admire him for it. they'd admire you too for being so 'sorted' about it.

you've got the outfit/shoes etc, so GO! is there a chance your DP could pick you up? so he could put his head round the door and wish the couple well when he comes back after the football?

OwlCapone · 18/09/2014 07:37

Why should he prioritise it more than the mother?

I never said he should, did I?

Altinkum · 18/09/2014 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 18/09/2014 07:43

Have you read the thread Hissy??

Laquitar · 18/09/2014 08:09

I think that YANBU because of his reply. It is fine that he wants to go to his son's trial. But 'we !ll see about that' is what you say to a child, he should say 'i am really sorry but...'.

Most importantly he should have told you once he found out. What if you havent mentioned it, when was he going to tell you?

I agree with others that you should go on your own.

AMillionNameChangesLater · 18/09/2014 08:13

Have you read the thread Hissy

That's what I was thinking

Blu · 18/09/2014 08:23

Good for you. OP! You can go on your own or with a friend, have a great time, and also be excited with your DH that your DSS has such a fantastic opportunity and experience. In truth, I bet even if your Dss's mum could take him, your DH would still want to go. It's the stuff of man and boyhood dreams!

Enjoy the wedding and good luck to your DSS.

duhgldiuhfdsli · 18/09/2014 08:41

I suppose I was just upset because we were invited so long ago and it's short notice

Football trials don't give six months' notice? Who knew?

It's possibly the biggest event so far in the child's life so far. Many men would regard it as the biggest event so far in their time as a father. League 2 may be the fourth division in old money, and this is presumably only for a youth development side or something, but it's pro football. It's an immense deal. If your friend took the hump over it then they would be being a bridezilla of the first order.

Stupidhead · 18/09/2014 08:48

Fantastic! I hope you have a great time and everything crossed for DSS!

PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 18/09/2014 09:50

This is massive for his son and his father should be there. After all, it is just a party that you have been invited to.

Just go on your own or with a friend, have fun then listen to DP excitement about the trial the next day