7 yo DD told by teacher she had to share her towel with another girl - AIBU to be unhappy about this?

[VelvetEmbers]

Y3 have just started swimming, and this week it's every afternoon.

Last night DD's towel was so sopping wet it looked like she'd thrown it in the pool. She told me she'd "had to share with Anna" (not her real name). Apparently Anna only had a small towel so the teacher told DD she had to share her larger towel.

Wouldn't have been quite so bad had she dried first and handed it over, but apparently they "both dried together".

Sharing towels is an absolute no-no as far as I'm concerned, for hygiene reasons, but I've been on MN for many years and I know some of my views are odd. I also realise that what a 7 yo reports as the truth can be a different version to that of the teacher. BUT assuming this is what happened, WWYD?

Firstly it sound like you need better towels if they can't dry two children without being rendered sopping
Secondly could it possibly be the case DD just shared the towel without being asked to, maybe you sounded a bit annoyed at the wetness of the towel so she said the teacher told her two?
Thirdly it's a one off whatever happened. If it starts happening weekly, then do something about it.

I grew up in the '70s. Times were hard back then - we didn't even have a washing machine for years - but my parents could run to providing each of us with our own knickers.

I have two boys who wear the same size underwear. If one has run out, they go to the other one's drawer.

On holiday, the distinction between their underwear falls away almost entirely.

Is this so strange?

My two youngest share clean underpants and DD,DS1 and I have community black socks.
I expect SS will call round soon.

We don't even share towels within the family (we don't have specific towels just each towel is washed after each use) but then DS has eczema and is at risk of getting infections through his skin, so I will do anything to avoid that.
Passing on clothing of any kind after a thorough wash is totally different to sharing whilst the item is dirty.

I do think it is disgusting to share towels between children, impetigo spreads so easily through sharing towels, as do other infections.
I wouldn't go in shouting the odds, but I would ask DD to not share her towel in future.

No i mean not having your own identifiable underwear, just a general pile and everyone takes what fits. And it was a massive amount of posters, I was told I was utterly unreasonable to think a child deserves to have its own underwear which belongs to it alone. However I think it must have been chat as I cant find it.

The care standards set the principle of how children should be treated. The detail is them implemented by the inspection body. What happened is, trust me, inappropriate in relation to both the principle and the ethos of the standard and in relation to the implementation.

Would you happily share your towel with a workmate after you showered - or even worse while you are drying yourself?

If there is the slightest part of you that hesitates, think about why a child should not be asked to.

I don't even share a towel with DD as she gets impetigo. Unless the other child had a flannel, I don't see why she couldn't have used the small towel to dry herself too tbh. Not the end of the world in the grand scale of things, but I would be a bit as well, but probably wouldn't say anything unless it happened again.

Unless you can point to a link in the Care Standards or examples where a school has been found guilty of breaching the guidelines around dignity by asking a child to share a towel as a one off, then I don't accept it's anything more than your interpretation.

Your claim that there were posters on one thread whose children share underwear is hardly indicative of 'massive amounts' of MNetters.

I send my DC swimming with a 'small' towel (micro fibre one) which is perfectly sufficient to dry them. I hope no-one else is being asked to share their own towel with my DC!

Nevertheless, I wouldn't worry about it as a one-off. If it happens a second time, then I might have a friendly word with the teacher about it. Or even Anna's mum if I knew her.

So would you share with a workmate?

RJ - not sure if your question is directed at me. I wouldn't share with a workmate (actually don't have any as I'm self-employed). However if I was sopping wet in a changing room and found I had no towel, I would be very grateful to whoever gave me a corner of their towel to use! And then I'd make sure I remembered in future.

Equally, I would let someone else use my towel if they were in the same situation. Admittedly, I'd probably use it first then pass it on. Again - not as a regular thing, but as a one-off act of kindness, yes.

RJ- would you share your towel with a friend after the pool if she had forgotten hers? Or would you tell her to dry herself on her swimsuit or stand under the hand drier?

It wasn't non but thanks anyway for addressing it.

It doesn't matter what I would do. Washing is regarded as intimate care; the question is whether a small child should be told by an authority figure that they need to share something used for their intimate care, and their personal property, with someone else. And also at the same time they are using it .

And I can see that for many children they wouldn't have an issue and that's great (eww) but for the child who is already getting mixed messages somehow it's another slow erosion of their dignity . And THAT is what the standards are about and are for.

It was inappropriate. It is not akin to sharing a pencil. A pencil is not used for intimate care.

I think she just dropped the towel and is covering it up with a made up story

No, this is inappropriate.

Firstly, the children involved are not siblings. Sibling do many things that friends don't, not least because they've the same parents who make the decisions for both of them.

Secondly... Scabies, threadworms, molloscum, verrucas, thrush, impetigo. These are unlikely to be spread though sharing pencils. Siblings would both have them anyway.

Thirdly, and most importantly, the references to other grim things children do are completely irelavent, because no child is TOLD to pick her nose by the teacher, or TOLD not to wash her hands after wiping her bum. This child was allegedly TOLD by the teacher to share her used towel with another, Unrelated, person. It's a breach of hygiene and dignity for both children.

What should happen at a school swimming lesson when a child hasn't got a towel? Should the teachers have spares? What happens if there aren't enough? Surely it's rather cruel to leave a 5/6 yo sopping wet?

RJnomore I understand you. If it's your decision that's fine. But being told to do it...

I'd even be wary of asking a child to share a pencil. Little girls get very attached to their special coloured pens and pencils. They are personal belongings. I have a very nice pen. I wouldn't dream of lending it to someone for anything more than a quick signature and I wouldn't expect to be asked to.

A spare might not be a bad idea - accidents of all sorts happen. But they could ask for a volunteer instead of demanding a particular child shares. Also, in this instance, they could have made the best of the small towel and creative use of whatever hand/hair drying facilities there are.

Well if a child ot a suitable hasn't got a suitable towel, whose responsibility is that?

i might suggest not the responsibility of any of the other children!

Hope that makes sense!

Yes, I do understand that diddi. But what would you actually do with a sopping wet 5yo with no towel?

But she had a towel!

Her mum thought it was suitable which is why she sent it!

Ideally another kid might have a spare or would offerthe use of their used one.

Volunteering a child doesn't seem right, but as I've already put, i'd like to know what really happened!

Ds's school has spare towels; but their pool is on site which makes it easier.

My children share underwear, towels and school uniforms - the benefits of having them so close together.

My child forgot her towel at swimming the other day, so she shared a friend's. No doubt this normal, and civilised favour will be returned some other time.

I imagine the child was volunteered because she was the closest. But honestly, I'm stunned that you care.