According to "d"P - My 15 year old is the only 15 year old in the world with an attitude

[GeeGeeAnee]

I have two boys aged 13 and 15. Both can be difficult at times (as all kids can) but my eldest really isn't a bad kid at all. He's never been in trouble at school or outside of the home, is top set in most of his school subjects, is generally well mannered and well behaved and has kept a paper round up for almost two years getting up religiously at 6am 6 days a week to earn his own money.

Now yeah, some times he can have a bit of an attitude. He's 15 after all, he knows everything there is to know about everything. DP just cannot see this for what it is though and makes a massive deal out of it each time he does it.

Last night I was working night shift and got a text from DP saying DS had been chucking a football around in his room and had refused to put it in the shed when told to do so. My response was "cheeky sod he is, I'll be having words tomorrow." DP then began sending text after text about how out of order DS is, what an awful attitude he has, how he's now burnt all his bridges with DP and how he needn't go to him for help with anything ever again and that's it, he's finished with him . My response to this huge over-reaction was "ok - he's a prat for chucking a football around the house and is out of order for refusing to do as he's told but he is 15 - 15 year olds tend to have an attitude, it's not highly unusual (and certainly not bad enough to talk about disowning him!!!). DP decided to share with me that no, 15 year olds do not generally have an attitude, no kids he's ever known at that age have had an attitude and his own angelic kids never showed such an attitude and he's upset that he "has to live with it"

AIBU to think that yeah he's right about the football and DS was out of order to disobey a request but it's not highly unusual behavior for a lad of his age??

To add my twopennorth - he sounds awful.

My dp would never speak to or about my dses like that - and he's ever had kids before.

If he did, he'd be out on his arse.

Sorry.

How lovely he is.

Remind me which one of them is the stroppy kid?

Perhaps he needs reminding to not be foolish enough to set himself in competition with your child because it will not end well for him.

He is not being fair, I can tell that you know that. he sounds like he is being horrible and spiteful to your son. You already know that such kind of horrible treatment to a child can have a terrible affect on them, so it really depends what you want to do now. Your partner surely has a choice at this point- if he wants to remain part of the family or not.

The football thing wouldn't worry me in isolation (I can see why your dp would be cross if your ds totally ignored him) but the rest of what you say about their interaction would worry me greatly. Your dp is coming across as a mean, nasty tosser. Is he? (Are there lots of tiomes he and your ds get on well that you've not mentioned for instance?)

and as for being the only teen ever to ever have an 'attitude' in the history of the entire world...

It sounds more like two teenagers vying for your attention. Have you considered ending your relationship with him over the way he treats/talks to and about your children?

Your dp's attitude and behaviour is concerning - over the top criticism of your son and talk about rejecting him. As well as the impact it might have on your son, it could be very hurtful for you (although I have to say, you're taking it very calmly). As the mother of a 15 year old, I can confirm that your son sounds just fine. And I have a lot of admiration for any teen who keeps up an early morning paper round - that shows a very promising work ethic and demonstrates reliability, self sufficiency etc.

Oh how we laarfed, I'll show my 15yr old this thread even he knows he's got an attitude, as I say it's his job.

Your DP sounds like he is jealous, minces? He really said that how you keep your mouth shut I don't know, I would have slung him out on his ear by now. The mans attitude and wise cracks are destructive to your kids self esteem and brings your parenting skills in to disrepute.

Repeat after me

Fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there fuck off some more.

He clearly really dislikes your son and is making no attempt to hide it. Maybe your son really dislikes him. You don't seem to like his kids much either, to be honest. It's competition and side-taking all round. What a horrible depressing state of affairs.

I have no idea how long you've been together but honestly, I think it's pretty unfair to inflict another man onto your children full time, living in their house, disciplining them and having free rein to criticise them and belittle them. It must be completely shit.

I think sometimes people need to think about where their priorities lie when they start new relationships. It won't be many more years and the children will be free to leave home. Why is everyone so keen to move someone else in, and try to get them to be a 'parent' to their children?

How long have you been with this D'P'?

His language wrt your ds is unacceptable. of course your lad is proud that he's saved £45 for a football shirt. that IS a lot of money for ANY SHIRT, for an adult, let alone for a 15yo.

I'd be showing a yellow card to the P tbh, and a red card to him if he repeated this bollocks towards any son of mine.

Our DC come first and foremost, every single time.

I wouldn't let my DS own father talk to him like that, he hasn't put in enough effort/time to earn the right to discipline him.

But your DP isn't disciplining him, he's bullying him.

Absolutely what GuiltyPleasures said

My DS13 has a bigger attitude than that. And my Dad laughs his arse off and keeps telling me that the teens are a period of sweet revenge for Grandparents!!

My attitude on the specifics, if he earns and saves his own money, he can spend it on anything he chooses. It is his to do with as he chooses but he needs to learn that money is a finite resource so to make his choices carefully.

If he throws a ball around inside his room he will break his own stuff and I am not spending money to replace anything (see above).

If he wants to make physical changes (within reason at this stage, but increasingly his own choice over time), then they are his choices to make. However they need to be considered and justified not a kneejerk.

If he fucks up, I will rescue him every single time. But he will also stand still for the bollocking afterwards

All teens are a pain in the arse. It is the winning combination of hormones, exams, sex (mainly lack of) and figuring out who you are and what your place in the world is. Your DP is being an intolerant arsehole.

He has his kids every weekend yet he makes out he never sees them. He's very odd about it and almost seems to resent the fact that I live with mine and he doesn't. We went on holiday to America and when we got back he kept throwing it in our face about how much his kids would have loved that holiday and how they never got to go (not our fault, their mum wouldn't let them and he never showed any interest in taking them at the time anyway!). Whenever we go away anywhere he throws it in our faces about how much his kids would love it and they're missing out but it's not our fault that they're missing this stuff. He never tries to organise them coming with us anyway and then seems to blame it on me saying he doesn't bother as he knows I wouldn't want them there but that's bullshit, I've even tried to organise a holiday for all of us and he was no help whatsoever and clearly didn't want to do it. Even the house we live in, he constantly throws it in my face about how my kids get to live in a big detached house and his kids would love living here and instead they live in a shit house - how the hell is that my fault!?

So yeah he sees them every week but if you spoke to him you'd think he doesn't see them for years on end.

I suppose I took the mincing thing lighter than I should as I have a lot of gay friends and the term "mincing" is often used as an affectionate "piss take" amongst friends ( for example one male friend said he'd come and talk to my boss with me and she'd get scared when she saw him mincing down the corridor towards her. ) so I suppose I never really saw it as an insult but obviously thinking about it it was meant as one.

Another thing is that he makes out (and actually says) that he brought his lads up to be manly/masculine and so he's not used to 'girly' lads like my dis who is openly bi by the way) yet I look a this lads and I've seen more manly women. I know I sound like I have a problem with his kids and I don't, I just find myself getting drawn into this "my kids are better than your kids" game and I hate myself for it.

The more you say about your dp the worse he sounds. Do you love him a lot?

You've posted about him before haven't you?

He sounds utterly delightful, you lucky, lucky thing you.

I thought the same as Terrier when I read about the holiday - sounds familiar

He's a shit Dad, deep down he knows it but can't face up to it so conveniently finds a way to blame you.

He's also homophobic and is letting your ds know that.

I don't see how you can stay with this person, who does not seem to have any redeeming features.

What do you think about the advice you've been given OP? Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but you can list his faults all day - what do you want to do about it though?

Reading thru this..don't like the sound of your DP at all. He actually sounds as if he doesn't like your son. Will he eventually expect you to choose between him and your son?! Sorry, in your position he would get kicked to the kerb. I am not saying your DS has the right to be rude..but he doesn't sound especially out of order. My DDs were nightmares at that age..it passes. Just as it did when I was young and a complete brat from age 14-15.

I really hope this man doesn't have a negative impact on your son's confidence and self-esteem. DS is at a sensitive age. He's "disappointed" at how his kids have "turned out?". Oh, really? I bet he makes them feel wonderful. How much input did he have into their upbringing, by the way?

Probably jealous of you and/or your DS so is aiming to give you a headache. Only you know if he is worth it but I couldn't find a man who appears to have not been a hands-on father to his own children, attractive at all. He'd get nowhere near my DCs, thats for sure. Not trying to criticise you tho..he may be good in other ways, after all. Not in this scenario tho. I can't believe he saw fit to send you numerous texts about your son. Numerous texts?! Why?!

Another thing is that he makes out (and actually says) that he brought his lads up to be manly/masculine and so he's not used to 'girly' lads like my dis who is openly bi by the way) yet I look a this lads and I've seen more manly women.

I've only just noticed this comment! & yes..Im sure I remember that you posted before..you mentioned the holiday in America in previous post

I feel sorry for your son, having this moody bully around. I understand you may wish to remain with this man but, can't you think of your boy and end the living together arrangement? Its not good for your son's emotional wellbeing, honestly it isn't..

He does not sound at all pleasant. So full of resentment and so bitter but totally incapable of actually doing anything to improve the situation. Please don't let him continue to speak to your son like that, that is bullying behaviour. If I were you I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that if he does that again you are chucking him out and I really would. I would not tolerate someone treating my Dd like that.

Please do something op!
If your ds offends him then he doesn't have to see him.
If your holidays upset him he doesn't have to go.
If your house upsets him......easily solved.

And your DP's good points are...? Because you haven't mentioned any yet.