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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed about sister and sil dictating xmas presents already

89 replies

crazylady321 · 16/09/2014 22:17

Still a while off but im sure like alot ive already bought quite a few bits, Ive just seen a status on fb from my sister saying she had bought her kids all their main presents already and has asked people not to buy toys only clothes. I commented and said oh shit already got all four of their presents (all toys), cousin then commented and said she felt the same and only wants clothes for her dcs which is a bummer since already bought her kids aswell. Do I give them or take back shop?
We are on a 5.00 limit for our neices and nephews this year so buying clothes would end up costing more unless only bought 1 tshirt or top or something but would feel like I was been tight, the presents I have bought have been reduced or brand new from ebay so atleast it looks like ive spent a bit.

Sil also annoyed me abit at weekend its her sons 11th birthday and oh had asked what to get him and she said clothes or xbox games again would cost a bit dont mind paying more for birthdays but then she went on about christmas and that her 9 year old dd isnt into toys anymore so to buy her a onesie or something useful and then went on to say hope nobody buys any cheap stationery sets this year which is ironic because I had my eye on a 1d set I keep seeing wont bother now.

Think its useful parents give ideas but wish people would consider some of us are on budgets. And im the total opposite if someone will ask what they want and I cant think of anything ill say stationary or art stuff at least I know it gets used eventually

OP posts:

Original poster

crazylady321 · 17/09/2014 17:50

I think last night I was more annoyed over the fact I commented on the status and wasnt aknowledged by both. I deffinately think next year there will be some changes its too late now as already nearly sorted the children we are buying for

OP posts:

TheRealMaryMillington · 17/09/2014 17:55

You are buying presents for the kids not their parents
Get them something you think they will like, and do it with love
Stuff anyone who's not just pleased to be remembered

TheRealMaryMillington · 17/09/2014 17:56

Also FB pronouncements not the way to communicate about any of this!

MOTU · 17/09/2014 18:01

It's times like this I really appreciate my family, I had a Christmas txt from my sister this morning she has asked if I would make them a patchwork blanket for their impending baby as my Xmas pressie to them and also if she can give me the cost to make her mil a Christmas cake. Christmas is about love not spending!

TiggyD · 17/09/2014 18:14

Buy them some goats for Africa or something.

BettyFocker · 17/09/2014 18:44

I think they are BU.

To announce on FB that people should only buy their children clothes this Christmas is so grabby. Of course people will buy them presents, but to dictate so publicly what that should be and as if gifts are just expected from anyone, just seems incredibly rude to me. If their children are so desperate for new clothes then why don't they buy them and graciously accept any other type of gift given?

Just to be neutral... maybe they don't want their children to be overwhelmed with toys. I've subtly said to my DM and DF that we're buying less presents this year because it was just too much for DS last year because they bought him the whole of Toys R Us and they've agreed.

Purplepoodle · 17/09/2014 19:46

I kind of understand as having three boys in starting to come down with toys in my tiny house. Mi would just say that unfortunately you have brought presents for this Christmas and you can't return them but will ask them next year.

I wouldn't be ashamed if being on a budget just be honest.

DaisyFlowerChain · 17/09/2014 19:50

It's fine to provide ideas if asked but to specify in advance is grabby and assumes people can't possibly buy a decent present of their own choosing.

Mitzimaybe · 17/09/2014 20:04

So rude of them. YANBU. They bought all the fun stuff (toys) and want you to buy the boring stuff (clothes) that the kids won't even like? They can get stuffed!

Mutley77 · 17/09/2014 23:35

addanotherchapternot sure why you've singled me out as views seem to be split on here

And I don't see how giving ideas is particularly controlling. I would ask relatives and friends what their dc might want for birthdays and Christmas just the same as they would ask me. Just makes sure the dc get what they like. And if you read my post I wasn't talking about having to buy specific or expensive items.

BlackberryandNettle · 18/09/2014 23:09

YANBU. They're being rude,suggestions are all v well or discussions of ideas but it seems a bit presumptuous to announce on Facebook that people should buy a particular thing! Bit odd as well to be honest. Surely they should worry about clothing their own children and share with others thee pleasure of buying something more fun?!

BlackberryandNettle · 18/09/2014 23:10

The

wobblyweebles · 19/09/2014 03:51

I would take the toys back TBH, and stick a fiver in their card.

I wouldn't give kids yet more toys if they already have loads. I know how annoying it is to have a tiny house that's full of unplayed-with toys.

Babiecakes11 · 19/09/2014 04:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickenMe · 19/09/2014 08:41

What's Christmas without an itchy Christmas jumper, handmade by Great Aunt Nell and totally unasked for?!? I actually used to find those random gifts from deranged older relatives quite fun.
Dictating to people is controlling. Unless asked by the giver for ideas it's bad taste to dictate, especially for kids who generally love everything and then forget about it five seconds later.
We have seven kids to buy for in our family so it's £10-15 per kid. Come next Christmas no one will remember anyway.

Shockers · 19/09/2014 16:20

My children would prefer visits!

SIL and I have an arrangement where we post a gift label with a message on, then we each buy for our own children and stick the label onto that.

ChillySundays · 19/09/2014 20:51

You don't give ideas unless you are asked - it's grabby. Saying that my adult sister gives a birthday and a christmas list for herself and then will ask what I want and then not buy it. Needless to say I ignore her lists.

I have never asked for clothes for the kids - not very exciting.

KoalaDownUnder · 20/09/2014 05:29

To those saying their children would prefer visits: point taken, but in my family they get plenty of those as well. It's not either/or. The fact remains that at Christmas, they'd be disappointed not to get a gift from me as well - not because they're entitled but because they're kids and that's what they're used to.

When I was a kid, there was always that aunty who gave you the really naff presents you'd never have dreamed of wanting. We were taught that they were a token of affection from Aunty Joan, and that it was kind of her to think of us and spend her limited income on us, and sometimes I ended up loving them. That's what gift giving and receiving is about, surely. It's not about parents making sure their children get exactly what they want.

lbsjob87 · 20/09/2014 06:15

She sounds delightful. She's being unreasonable by even assuming other people will buy her kids presents, let alone dictating what they should be.
If asked (and ONLY if asked) we suggest small toys or art things because they can be easily stored, but it doesn't sound like space is her issue, more that she's a control freak.
Definitely give them the toys and watch as their little faces light up and they say: "Thank Christ for that - I thought it was going to be yet another jumper."

ernesttheBavarian · 20/09/2014 06:35

I hate requests for clothes. esp for a younger child. A little kid doesn't want (generally speaking) an item of clothing unless it's a special party dress or character or something. It just sounds like the parents want you to clothe their kids for them. What will it be next time, a weeks' supply of groceries?

I'd go for a nice book and little packet of sweets or something. If Ihadn't already bought anything of course. As you've already bought it, no way should you take it back. Wrap and give.

DontPutMeDownForCardio · 20/09/2014 07:23

I don't see what's wrong with it to be honest. I wouldn't post it on facebook but if we didn't have room for any big toys I'd speak to everyone who might buy dc toys and ask them to keep it small. Is that also rude and grabby?

AlPacinosHooHaa · 20/09/2014 08:44

I can see both sides to this, sooo many DC toys these days and its a shame if someone buys and the recipient wont use or just clogs up the house.

If your short of cash it does get annoying when you buy a lovely winter coat and then get another two .

One year we also got two lots of duplication on underwear and socks which we didnt need, and had no drawer space for, and yet we had no vests.

Having said that if we get asked we suggest, but if we dont get asked we don't dicate and I simply freecyle, or sell the duplicates.

I think the way your sister has gone about all this is very very rude and I would not take her comment on FB personally and simply dicate back saw your message, you know £ is tight this year, so you will get what I give you.

riskit4abiskit · 20/09/2014 09:50

Im shocked by people saying that nine year old children are too old for toys... im in my thirties and dh and I buy each other toys (nanoblocks, origami sets, airzuka, jigsaws etc).

Saying that though I always play safe and get children books as presents as they are a reasonable price, easy to wrap and dont take up room or make mess in peoples houses.

Original poster

crazylady321 · 20/09/2014 22:26

Thank you for your views have not had chance to get on until now to read the latest ones. They are most deffinately getting the gifts I cba messing around. I still havent spoken to my sister either since my comment was ignored (not that im doing that on purpous just not seen her in person or online).

Having discussed with oh our budget for Christmas and the new baby (due in jan) we have decided to limit adult gifts to a box of chocolates each or tubs for couples apart from each other and parents of course. Next year think just going to grab the big tubs of roses/celebrations etc and give per house hold wish id of thought of that this year

OP posts:

MiaowTheCat · 20/09/2014 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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