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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about sister and sil dictating xmas presents already

89 replies

crazylady321 · 16/09/2014 22:17

Still a while off but im sure like alot ive already bought quite a few bits, Ive just seen a status on fb from my sister saying she had bought her kids all their main presents already and has asked people not to buy toys only clothes. I commented and said oh shit already got all four of their presents (all toys), cousin then commented and said she felt the same and only wants clothes for her dcs which is a bummer since already bought her kids aswell. Do I give them or take back shop?
We are on a 5.00 limit for our neices and nephews this year so buying clothes would end up costing more unless only bought 1 tshirt or top or something but would feel like I was been tight, the presents I have bought have been reduced or brand new from ebay so atleast it looks like ive spent a bit.

Sil also annoyed me abit at weekend its her sons 11th birthday and oh had asked what to get him and she said clothes or xbox games again would cost a bit dont mind paying more for birthdays but then she went on about christmas and that her 9 year old dd isnt into toys anymore so to buy her a onesie or something useful and then went on to say hope nobody buys any cheap stationery sets this year which is ironic because I had my eye on a 1d set I keep seeing wont bother now.

Think its useful parents give ideas but wish people would consider some of us are on budgets. And im the total opposite if someone will ask what they want and I cant think of anything ill say stationary or art stuff at least I know it gets used eventually

OP posts:
HavanaSlife · 17/09/2014 06:57

Yes charlies on the weird bil and sil leaving the house a mess thread Grin

Yanbu op unless people ask me what the dcs would like I leave people to it, especially if they are on a budget.

poolomoomon · 17/09/2014 07:18

Yanbu.

Clothes are so risky anyway. I hate receiving clothes gifts for DC because, as horribly bitchy as this sounds, I have a very particular taste and family very rarely buy things I'd happily put my DC in Blush. It's so difficult to know what parents like their children to wear or indeed what children themselves like to wear if they're older. Or you could even get something like slippers and a dressing gown but they already have two pairs of each so yours go unused!

It is difficult though because I totally sympathise which SIL about the amount of toys. They get a ridiculous amount at Christmas and a lot go unused, parts get scattered around the house and misplaced etc. All seems like a hideous waste. I think the fail safe option is money or vouchers or just not get them anything at all, that way no one can really complain. Doesn't help the budget issue though I guess...

Just give them what you've already bought them, it's hardly like SIL can complain.

Delphiniumsblue · 17/09/2014 07:21

Just ignore- no need for them to know you have seen it. Anyway you can just say 'I prefer to do my own thing'.

NutellaPancakes · 17/09/2014 07:44

The thing is with presents is you can't control them, and it is rude to try.

If someone asks what they should get, fine, that is the point where you can make a suggestion. It is still only a suggestion though - the giver can still choose to give something else if they want.

I don't want to interfere in what other people buy my DC. That's down to the relationship between the giver and my kids, and it's not really anything to do with me. I can be fussy about the toys and clothes I buy the DC myself, but I have to accept that I have no control over what others buy them (obviously if it was something totally inappropriate, like an 18 rated computer game, I would have to intervene!)

So you should just go ahead and give the gifts, OP! They were chosen for your nieces and nephews, and the most important thing is that they like and appreciate them, and that they know their aunt was thinking of them at Christmas.

Dwerf · 17/09/2014 07:52

My sister and I have developed the tradition of buying each other's kids pyjamas for christmas. Easy peasy. Won't last forever though, not sure my adult kids would enjoy those as a present. But that's okay,we're now buying them alcohol. (19, 18 and 21, so not tinies).

This easter we went one better, instead of each buying eggs for each other's kids (four kids apiece) we bought two each for our own.

We started this because we're both on tiny christmas budgets.

CombineBananaFister · 17/09/2014 07:54

If you've asked them for ideas - they get a say, if they haven't been then they get what you've bought. I hate waste too but there's a big difference between 'pls don't get DC something so large large this year' to 'clothes pls as wev bought all the toys'.

fwiw, we dont buy DC much because they get so much off others and we buy the non-fun clothes stuff because it's easier.

306235388 · 17/09/2014 07:54

Just say sorry I've bought them all already so toys it is Grin

Mrsgrumble · 17/09/2014 07:58

I would make a rule that you put a fiver in a card and that's it, anymore.

Do it this year and you'll be glad in time to come.

Rude of them though.

LL12 · 17/09/2014 08:00

I am usually asked for ideas about what to get for my children for Christmas and birthdays.
I prefer being asked although I would never just tell someone what to get. It saves people wasting their money buying things that I know will be left unused.
Don't feel that just giving a t shirt will make you look tight, a child is not going to care and any nice adult wont either. I only wish my IL's would do that, we end up with lot's of unused and unwanted things from them, I would rather they did not waste their money but they like to go over the top and want people to think they have lot's of money when they don't, they are very materialistic like that.

Jill2015 · 17/09/2014 08:05

I'd suggest to them, that from next year, no Christmas presents, is the way to go.

rollonthesummer · 17/09/2014 08:15

You won't be the only one to buy them toys.

Next year, they can have nothing ;)

Eva50 · 17/09/2014 08:16

She shouldn't have bought all the toys if she doesn't want more toys but it is a real pain getting a pile of toys that are either things they are not in to or things that are much too young for them. We have the problem that people give money in a card or a gift card for our older teenagers and give a gift for "the baby". However now "the baby" is eight it is hard to get him to look thankful and act graciously when he sees his brothers getting exactly what he would like.

Last year we donated half a dozen gifts to charity and I gave him the money so that he could get things he wanted in the sales with his brothers. We kept a couple of gifts that we framed the giver may notice were missing and they have been sitting, unused, in his cupboard since last Christmas.

MrsWinnibago · 17/09/2014 08:18

Just give the toys. How cheeky!

wheresthelight · 17/09/2014 08:27

I agree with everyone else that your family seem quite rude about it. If people asked what we wanted i asked them not to buy clothes for dd's birthday as she is tiny and not on her age clothes yet and people who don't see her all that often won't know so buy the wrong size/season. but also said it was up to them and whatever they got her would be lovely. I wanted to kill my lovely friend for the monkey book that makes stupid noises that dd loves mind Grin

give them what you have got and ignore them and as someone else says next year give the cash or a gift card

vdbfamily · 17/09/2014 08:31

we have always had a £5 limit it my family....I have 17 nephews and neices and heaps of other relatives/godchildren/friends to buy for. I think when you have alimit it is good to try and get everyone on board with it so they realise that getting a decent onesie for a fiver is not realistic! Can they not all use the same budget? We also do a secret santa with the adults so my 3 brothers/wives and mum and dad and me and DH only buy one adult present each.Then you can have a budget of say £20 but only have to buy one £20 gift. Christmas should not be a time when people have to rack up huge debt. Gifts should be small and people should not dictate what is given in my opinion.One of my brothers gets his kids to write lists of what they want and there are always some cheap options but I have often purchased stuff over the year before the lists come out!!

starfishmummy · 17/09/2014 08:34

I would just ignore or if I had to reply then it would be to say I have already got the presents.

And I am of the opinion that the presents are for the kids, and most kids I know would rather have a toy than clothes!

Marmiteandjamislush · 17/09/2014 08:39

Hate the grabbiness of this type of behaviour BUT if you do decide to return toys for clothes (I wouldn't though) Primark is your friend. Was in yesterday, lovely full outfits for both genders £7, so little bit more but not massive. Or if you wanted they have nice small token gifts. Yesterday I brought for friends' kids: gorgeous teddy hair clips £2, Minion umbrella £4, fireman and policeman socks 2 pairs £1, baby snowman socks 50p, Frozen wash mitt £1, Minion gummies £1, Peppa pig toothpaste and brush £2, Peppa/ George socks 3 pairs £2. Three adult gifts too all for £15.50

Also if you wanted to do book gifts my local kids library was selling of old stock, obviously you have to check for damage and scribble, but I got 4 lovely non damaged picture books for 40p. So might be worth going in and asking.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 17/09/2014 08:40

I'm fence sitting too.
We didn't have much spare money as children and Christmas/birthdays were the one opportunity to get nice, but not essential things.

If someone (Nan) have us clothes we hated or wrong age toys it was really hard to smile and nod. I knew it was 11 months (my birthday is in Nov) before I'd get anything else substantial.

I'm sure people muttered under their breath at DMs (very diplomatic) attempts to ensure money was well spent and tat avoided. She totally refused to waste money on stocking tat.

We only had any spare money at all because she budgeted so well, cooked brilliantly and spent bugger all on herself. Understandably I'll considered presents made her twitchy.

Her brother/DSILs strange gifts still doGrin

Excuse the bold Cheap stationary sets are a waste of money, sorry I've been decluttering our dinning room and DDs rooms. The number of sets of unsharpanable pencil crayons, cheap paint sets, dead felt pens and novelty note books I've thrown out is ridiculous.

Crayola stuff works anything cheaper really doesn't.

Pagwatch · 17/09/2014 08:44

Bleurgh - present planning. When did people start dictating what presents they get. It's horribly rude.
Just say 'I've already got their presents.'

ElephantsNeverForgive · 17/09/2014 08:48

As I said above spag watch, when they wanted to save waste.

Honestly there is nothing wrong with parents trying to steer relatives in the right direction.

There is everything wrong with expecting people to buy expensive or difficult to get things. I agree clothes are difficult for children you don't see much.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 17/09/2014 08:49

Sorry Pagwatch autocorrect strikes again Blush

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/09/2014 09:08

Why don't the parents buy the clothes their children need instead of expecting others to do it?

Agree with pp, just say that you have bought their presents already and don't enter into any discussion about it.

MistressDeeCee · 17/09/2014 09:12

Id ignore it..just carry on as you were

Pagwatch · 17/09/2014 09:24

I don't care. Just quietly suggesting things is fine. Sending messages dictating what others should buy is rude. I'd rather some tat or duplications than be bloody rude. It's Christmas, it's not 'here is my child's wants and needs list for the next 12 months'

RonaldMcDonald · 17/09/2014 09:40

TBH I'd rather my children had a visit than lots of gifts. Buying tat because you feel you have to as it is Christmas isn't useful for anyone either.

I have asked my family for visits

It suits their pocket as financially they are struggling in many cases and the girls get to spend time with people they love.
My house stays tat free and everyone has a nicer, more genuine, time

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