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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my husband to go away for two weeks?

81 replies

NameChange30 · 15/09/2014 16:28

My husband is French, I'm English and we live in England. He's happy living here but he likes to go to France regularly to see family and friends, which is fair enough. We go to his parents' for a week every Christmas or New Year. This year he also wants to go for 2 weeks in November because his parents are going on holiday and he wants to look after their dog and see family and friends. He works from home so he can do that in France. I can't go because I work full time (in the office) and I've used up all my holiday for time we are both taking. Am I being pathetic for not wanting him to go for 2 weeks? It seems like a long time, I'm worried I will miss him and feel abandoned and resentful that he'd prefer to does two weeks with his parents' dog than being at home with me :( AIBU??

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 15/09/2014 16:30

YABU imo. Others may think differently but really, he fancies a holiday and time to catch up with friends. Could you go for the weekends?

purpleroses · 15/09/2014 16:32

I'd be a bit hurt by that too, though I guess it is hard living abroad away from your family. My ex's DW leaves him for about a month each year, taking their toddler with her, to visit her family which he seems to accept.

Could you go out at the weekend in the middle of the fortnight to see him?

MrsWinnibago · 15/09/2014 16:32

YABU. He has a life apart from you and if he wants to be at his parents in his home country that is fair enough. If you have never lived in a country that was not your own, then you might not understand. But it is fair enough imo.

sunbathe · 15/09/2014 16:32

Seems fair enough to me. He lives here most of the time.

purpleroses · 15/09/2014 16:32

And get skype set up - My DH travels for work a bit, up to 4-5 days at a time and we skype every night. It's good just to catch up on how your day's been and I always really look forward to talking to him :)

Poddling · 15/09/2014 16:33

Have you got dc? Will your life be harder for him going away for two weeks (i.e. no break from/help with the dc), or will you just miss him? Because I think if you'll just miss him YABU.

mkmjimmy · 15/09/2014 16:34

I think yabu. He's got holiday time and wants to go away and catch up with people. If it was the other way round and you had the chance to go away and he couldn't - wouldn't there be a bit of you resenting him if he put pressure on you not to go?

It's good for couples to do things separately - go out and do stuff and see friends you wouldn't normally, eat things you don't normally eat because he's not keen, and, if you can, go and visit for the weekend. It's only 2 weeks and while you might miss him - absence makes the heart grow fonder. {I'd love two weeks to myself so maybe I'm a little biased - I'd miss my husband - but I'd have a blast}.

BarbarianMum · 15/09/2014 16:34

2 weeks out of 52 is not really very many. In your position I'd feel the same but I wouldn't say so (to him) - and I bet anticipating him being away will be worse than the actuality.

WooWooOwl · 15/09/2014 16:35

I'm assuming you would have said if you had children, but can you clarify?

I don't think your DH is being unreasonable for going (on the assumption that you are child free) but you aren't unreasonable to wish he wasn't going either. You will just have to put your big girl pants on and deal with it though, without making him feel guilty for no reason.

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2014 16:37

Join him for a long weekend on the middle?

Branleuse · 15/09/2014 16:37

seems fair to me. Youd probably jump at the chance to do similar occasionally if you lived over there.

TSSDNCOP · 15/09/2014 16:39

Oh dear OP if you weren't feeling pathetic before you posted in AIBU you soon will Grin

In the scheme of things it's two weeks, but I can see why you'd be a bit glum.

Skype, weekend visit, plans with lots of friends whilst he's gone and the time will fly.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder Wink

GlassNoodle · 15/09/2014 16:39

YABU. I can see that you'd miss him, but to feel resentful or try and deny him the chance to see his friends in his home country for only 2 weeks seems selfish. I'd miss my DH if he was away too, but I'd also love 2 weeks at home to myself to do my own thing. This is assuming him being away isn't going to make your life too difficult!

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2014 16:39

Download Skype and enjoy the peace and quiet!

It must be very difficult for him to live so far away from his family and friends.

Original poster
NameChange30 · 15/09/2014 16:40

He won't even see his parents though, that's what I find so weird.
I have lived abroad (I lived in France for a year, that's how we met) and I understand it's hard for him not being able to see his family and friends as much as he might like. We do see them a lot though, his parents often come to visit, and we often go to France for the weekend eg for family or friends' birthdays.
Maybe I'm too clingy or needy but I just think 2 weeks is too long, I wish he could make it a bit shorter. If he went for 10 days that's still plenty of time to see people and it would be just 1 or 2 weekends (not 3) that we don't get to spend together.
I do realise that's it not healthy to be joined at the hip... I just feel offended at the idea that he is basically choosing his parents' dog over being at home with me!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 15/09/2014 16:40

YABU unless you are going to say you have 18month old triplets and newborn twins in a later drip feed. Wink

It must be quite isolating living in a "foreign country" all your life, and I can totally understand the need to 'recharge' at home.

As others have said, were the roles reversed, and you could come home for a couple of weeks and still be working when he was stuck in France, I bet you'd want to.

Sunna · 15/09/2014 16:41

YABU. He wants to do something nice for his parents and see old friends in his home country. He's probably a bit homesick and needs to be home.

BackforGood · 15/09/2014 16:41

ok - x-posted. Maybe 10 days does sound easier for you, but I guess it would then involve complicated arrangements about getting the dog to someone else for 3 or 4 days, and it just seems easier to be there for the full 2 weeks?

lunar1 · 15/09/2014 16:41

Yabu, we live in the uk and dh is from India. We go over as a family once a year and he goes alone for two weeks once a year. We have young children and it is harder but he has family and friends who he misses. He also goes over at short notice if his family need him.

I think it's what you sign up for when your partner is not living in their own country. Sometimes dh gets homesick and needs his family. It is too expensive and impractical for us all to go over each time.

kelda · 15/09/2014 16:41

YABU. I live outside of the UK and the only way I overcome homesickness is regular trips back home. I would feel very resentful if my dh tried to limit my trips home.

MrsWolowitz · 15/09/2014 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shinyshoes2 · 15/09/2014 16:45

Yabu and a little selfish
He want to Go home for a couple of weeks to see friends and family
I'd be packing his suitcase for him and looking forward to 2 weeks if p&q

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 15/09/2014 16:45

YABU sorry. I thought you were going to say he was using up all his annual leave to go and therefore you wouldn't be able to go on a family holiday or something. If he can work then I really can't see the problem. Does it leave you in the lurch for childcare or something?

Unexpected · 15/09/2014 16:47

YABU. Your partner is not choosing his parents' dog above you and I hope you didn't say that to him because it makes you sound immature and needy. Being French and missing the country of his birth and upbringing is not just about seeing his parents. He has a whole network of other people there whom he would like to spend time with, probably without the feeling of being "a visitor" in his parents' home and having to work around their meal times, etc. I'm sure he is looking forward to two weeks of speaking his native language all the time, buying all his food from familiar French labels, rather than English ones, etc.

Original poster
NameChange30 · 15/09/2014 16:47

Sorry posted that before reading the replies... Looks like it's unanimous LOL and I am being unreasonable! Fair enough and thanks for your honesty!
To answer a few people who asked if we have kids, no we don't (not yet Smile) and if we did I think it would be different - hope so anyway!

OP posts:
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