To be annoyed that DH is refusing to take my cake into work

[Albertatata]

..... Because it's too childlike

It's a practice run for my son bday party. Ok so it's not great, a bit soggy but really it's sodding chocolate cake -surely it can't be that embarrassing to take into work.

AIBU to be offended

Seem to have spent all weekend arguing with DH

Goodness it's bingate part 2.

Not knowing your dynamic at home OP, it does seem a bit like the cake has become a symbol for something VERY IMPORTANT to you. Your DH might not have picked up on this, or it might be that the cake is also a symbol of something VERY IMPORTANT to him. If this is the case, maybe it would be better to talk about whatever's going on underneath rather than taking out your frustrations on innocent baked goods?

How are you feeling generally? I have a tendency to put far too much emotional importance to how people respond to the food I prepare when I'm feeling a bit wobbly about myself.

DH didn't even notice the cake had been binned until DS asked for. piece this evening. Sod.

Googled the Mary Berry cake & watched her 'who do you think you are' so going to channel her vibe for the birthday party.

Wasn't there another thread a couple of years ago where op was mad at her dh for eating burnt cake? Something like that anyway.

Pick your battles op would be my (probably not very helpful) advice.

There was but it was a wind up.

Was it? Bugger, I always fall for it.

lurkngbear: do you mean he doesn't want to share his luscious dark soggy moist choc cake with the other men at work?

Would he rather share a firmly rolled swiss roll with the women?

My DH works in a very laid back environment but I would never IN A MILLION YEARS ask him or expect him to take something I had made into work

YakInAMac not what I meant at all! I just meant that when I've had similar 'issues' with my dp it's been because the cake became a symbol of something to me. Generally it has been when my dmil has been involved.

I've had times when rejected baking has made me feel like it was my efforts that were being rejected, and like I wasn't good enough as a baker/woman/dp/dil (especially the latter: this has only been an issue where it's my mil passing judgement on my cooking). So then it becomes VERY IMPORTANT to me that he eat or share some of the baking, but he doesn't want to because he doesn't like being force-fed/doesn't want to go up against his dm on something as trivial as a cake!

I have a tendency to display love through food, and to overanalyse the responses to it though...

lurkingbear... that is very sad. :(

You're leaving yourself wide open for your MIL/DP to 'train you' into the 'correct responses' if you put such an emphasis on eating/sharing of food. It's just food. It has nothing to do with the person that you are. I don't think your partner would do this if he presumably loves you but your MIL might. Everytime you do this you hand over the tools for them to jab you and hurt you.

I would be annoyed if I were forced/coerced/cajoled (with the outcome of a 'mood' if I failed to comply) into taking food into the office or eating it myself. I'd tell you to give it freely, make it freely available and place no ties on it - or leave it alone completely. I wouldn't play this 'show me how much you love me' game with you. It's like your spoiling for a fight over something that ISN'T important, no matter what emphasis or symbolism you place on it.

I do understand though.

LyingWitch you're completely right, and I do my best to minimise this. It happens much less now we don't live with mil anymore. DP doesn't do it deliberately (he has never rejected food on his own account as he will eat just about everything), but he also can just woefully miss when something seemingly trivial has taken on huge importance for me until I explode about it.

MIL unfortunately doesn't realise she's giving off the 'you're not good enough' vibes. It's not so much the food as the wasted effort if she just wants chips anyway. If I'd known that beforehand I wouldn't have bothered! Sorry I seem to be derailing the thread. But I empathise OP

I don't think you've derailed it at all lurkingbear, I think OP's situation may be quite similar as might penises. I wonder if that's down to conditioning? We, as women, possibly feel more pressure to be nurturing and comforting and what better way to do that than with food? Then with that comes the natural wish to compete - to have your 'love' rated and found supreme rather than wanting.

Kick that up a notch and it becomes a need to have that rating from the wider public, hence taking it into work for consumption-and-adulation. For some, it can be like a drug.

I worked in an office where people took turns to do that; men seemed to do it for 'fun', they often had their wives/partners do the baking for them - and it was all a joke. The women were deadly serious about it.

lurkingbear, your MIL should know better. She's a woman and has been in the nurturing role for some time now. You could say to her, "MIL, you know, when you bake for somebody it means more than just the food, don't you? It hurts when it's rejected, which is why I don't do it. I know you know this. Just saying...".

LyingWitch you are very wise. (I'm new here, I hope that's not too 'bum licky'. What counts as 'bum licky' btw?)

I'm really not wise at all, lurkingbear, but thank you. I never took part in the 'bake-off's', I liked my colleagues and didn't want them traumatised or ill from my efforts.

I may be a lone voice on this thread but I'm going to confess .....

I fucking hate chocolate cake.

You are NOT alone, TakeMeUp, I HATE chocolate full stop. Watched - with horrid fascination - some chocolate sauce being made and thought how much like dog-squits it is. Smells a bit better, I'll concede that but... bleurcchhh.

Why should he do what you want him to do? He's an adult.

You seriously tantrummed over this all weekend?

And I hate women or men who bring their own baking crap to work.

It's such a desperate attention seeking plea for affirmation.

No one cares. So you can bake a cake. Do what. Put a badge in yourself and grow up.

Sorry to rant but we have one in our school and she's a right royal pita. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of eating her fucking scones even if I hungry. So there.

Do you feel better now, Thebody?

God someone does need to do something about this ridiculous cakes-into-work trope. Yes, cakes are nice. Yes, taking in a homebaked cake is a lovely gesture - like ONCE A YEAR at christmas or something. But these days it's as if no one even does any actual work, it's just a cake parade!

Also I know I'll get flamed but there is a health/obesity issue too. If people taking cake in all the time is seen as normal that's quite unhealthy. I say that as a cake (and baking and GBBO) lover but I would hate it if I felt obliged to eat someone's cake.

This kind of crap is in fact one of the reasons I'm self-employed and don't work in an office.

I rofled at exploding it in a field :o

Lying yes thanks much better

Op that rant want directed at you by the way.

Sure your cake is awesome.

I am now chortling to myself that there is a 'Cake Consultant' job being adverted here...

Who complains about cake parades? Ooooonnnly on mumsnet would this be a bad thing. Parade those cakes!

Ha ha - you are all far more bonkers than me! I was just pissed off he didn't like my cake - I didn't force him into taking it into work. It went in the bin.

The body - it seems like your putting the hatred of your work colleague into cake - maybe some counselling would help?