To be really fed up at thoughtless disabilism? Long rant, sorry

[Sixweekstowait]

Generally I just get on with having a disability- sometimes I feel sad at the things I can't do but generally I focus on what I can and I do amazingly interesting work where my disability isn't an issue and my intellect is what defines me . But this last week I've got really fed up with careless, thoughtless disabilism. Firstly, the selfish s*s at the station who think that the disabled spaces are there to make life easier for commuters being dropped off or picked up or for people calling in to renew their season tickets. Well on Monday morning at the height of the morning rush hour I'd had enough and one hapless commuter get the full force of my wrath. Other commuters stood around open mouthed of course and looking faintly embarrassed. Then an organisation I've just started work for wanted proof of my disability so I could claim for a taxi. First time I've ever been asked - wtf did they think I was doing? Putting on a silly walk so I didn't have to take the tube? And then the final straw today - Air bloody New Zealand ( of whom I expected better) wouldn't let me select a seat today when I booked online - because I requested special assistance - ie a wheelchair to the aircraft - I don't need it on board. They'll graciously allocate seats when we check in? This is Business Premier we're talking about ffs - I'm not going to be left with the last row by the lavatories. So yet something else to deal with - you can imagine the tone of the email I've just sent. FWIW - when I choose seats with BA online, they just shade out the ones by the emergency exits ( which I understand) and then treat me like a grown- up and let me choose my own seat. Feeling sad now - it's hard work being cross and fighting battles and sometimes I just want a big hug and for organisations / people to just think a bit and for me not to have to be a stroppy sod

UK Blue badges are not valid worldwide. Some countries accept them, some don't. When I was in Hawaii last year they recognised my blue badge, in Florida this year they didn't. It was easy enough to get a temporary Florida one though, only $15, though it was just a hoop to jump through if all you have to do to get a temporary badge is show your UK one.

MiscellaneousAssortment 'that doesn't fit with company culture' rings lots of bells with me. I was after a promotion last year and informally I was told that I shouldn't bother applying as 'the person they imagine doing the job is able to walk'
Fuckers.

I left teaching; I started getting panic attacks and was signed off sick for a few weeks. I was lucky enough to find a new job very quickly.

Here's another corporate culture one. It was decided by a new head of department that we all spent far too long in meetings. Okay so far. He'd read somewhere that a good way of keeping meetings short is to have 'stand-up' meetings...' But what about me?' I ask.

Tough.

OP - @flyairnz responding to tweets pretty much immediately at the moment. Seems a good time to get their attention, before all of NZ wakes up properly and starts tweeting.

Can I also say that this thread has been a complete eye-opener for me. I had a cousin (now sadly passed away) who used a wheelchair and I thought I had some idea of how thoughtless/nasty people could be. Seems I had no idea. Is there something people like me can do, other than, you know, not being nasty or thoughtless!

Using the disabled parking space when not disabled is just awful, and the airplane should definitely get their act together. I understand your frustration. But I think you are BU about work asking for proof of disability before paying for your taxis. Some people have a mainly invisible disability . . . . it's fair enough then that work ask for proof before hiring them taxis, and that leaves HR in a difficult position if they don't ask everyone for proof who claims to have a disability. When I was pregnant my employer insisted on seeing my MAT B form from the hospital before discussing maternity leave with me - I had a visible massive great bump but I totally understood why they couldn't rely on that, they have boxes to check, and I'm glad they do due diligence as lot of people will try to get stuff that they are not entitled to. I don't think your work are being disablist.

wingsandstrings in my job you declare disabilities on the application form, but I've never been asked to prove them. Even when they started to interfere with my ability to do my job, they were still supportive and never asked for proof, just "how can we help?"

I guess it really depends on your work place and how nice HR are.

Some employers bend over backwards for their disabled staff. My brothers employer re laid the paths and added extra doors to ensure he could come to work. (and a few more things which would make them identifiable, but safe to say, we were hugely impressed with their effort.)

My last boss refused to make any allowances for me as he felt I needed to prove myself to him first . I'd been working for the company for 10 years but had just been transferred to his department. He actually said to me 'I know that the law says I must do x, but that's not how I work'.

He also got really angry because he wasn't allowed to accompany me to the appointment he made with the company doctor. He fully expected the works doctor to undiagnose my invisible disability and wanted to be there to put his tuppence worth in.

Update - cheery email from Air NZ allocating us acceptable seats and not saying ONE word about the essence of my complaint. So, pleased we have the seats but will now re-address the real issue with them. Secondly, emailed the organisation that deals with mobility parking in NZ and had email by return- simple form to complete and return with scanned copy of blue badge and fee and permit will be sent to our friends address. Gave dates to apply by as office will be affected by Christmas holiday closure. Now this morning's task is the insurance,,,,,,,,,,that could be a whole other thread

Good should have done this in the first place

Vvviola- you ask what people like you can do other than not being nasty or thoughtless. Well just challenging disabilism if you come across it - in RL or on MN! I wish one of the open mouthed commuters at my station on Monday had joined in and backed me up. I think the issue of offering individual help can be fraught - my disability is progressive and earlier on I would not ask for help or accept it. I think I've sort of matured into it now and easily ask for help. Sometimes offers of help aren't a help but I now always try to explain why and say it was really nice of you to offer. Also for me, never never ask what is 'wrong ' with me. I am quite quite private about that - I know not everyone is but that's me. When offering help you might get knocked back - for me, it's nice when people phrase it like ' can I do anything to help?' or ' would you like me to do anything/ fetch a cup of tea etc'. I don't use a wheelchair yet but always need to sit down - at coffee breaks and buffet lunches, it would be nice if someone in the throng would come along and ask if it's all right if they pulled up a chair and sat next to me. Usually everyone is stood up and I am quite isolated.

Yy, a low key "can I do anything to help?" or "would you like me to get that down/move that table/do obvious thing" is very welcome here.

And then accept my answer without fuss!

As Bourdic says, sometimes "help" isn't helpful and is actually more hassle, plus in my case diverting energy to explaining is also problem. So just trust me if I say "Oh thank you, but no."

And for offering in the first place.

My logistical plotting often includes the line "ask passing stranger to help with X." I know it's awful to rely on other people like that, but I'll really struggle to do my errand without a helping hand at strategic points. I appreciate each and every person who very kindly gives me a moment of their day.

But I also understand why some people don't like offers of help.

My annoyance today was someone having a go at me in the street after I fell over for being a benefit scrounger as I was walking (with stick and very slowly) and should just get a job. Have had an awful day and it really upset me so I swore at them.

No I can't hold down a job. But that doesn't mean I should be locked in all the time.

I don't think

Becca.

Yep, disabled = scrounger these days. Ta, media.

Becca .

bet the person who shouted that looked and sounded like White Dee and does what she accused you of!

fecking bloody makes my blood boil.

we get that too.

and these channel 4 and channel 5 programmes only ecacerbate (sp) our problems when it comes to benefit scroungers.

My sister had just got a job after becoming disabled (she was a physiotherapist, and had spinal cord damage - so there were clear restrictions in what she could do) a person higher up (a consultant) asked why she didn't go and talk to someone about finding work. She pointed out she'd just been offered a job.

And when looking for work a disability advisor actually asked why she wanted to work when she could claim good benefits.

And don't even get me started on the charming people who thought it hilarious to wind down car windows and yell 'crip' or similar at her.

Jee so its wrong to be rascist, one can get into deep trouble for that, but its perfectly okay and acceptable to be disablist, according to the world.

nothings changed, the Victorian freak show is rife. we get ita ll the time.

and I wisjh there was something I could say back!

Hi all just read the first page so far but I can identify with some things being said.
I'm a bit down this week as my renewal for my blue badge has been turned down which I was not expecting. This is because I can walk far enough that I don't need to- even though I made it very clear that On my bad days I can only walk a couple of steps and also because they deemed my progressive muscle wasting genetic disorder to be 'temporary'
So basically I'm affected enough that I can't enjoy doing the things I love- going clubbing, gigs, sports matches but not affected enough to get any help. Such a shame as when the weather is bad I will really really struggle and will end up not going out shopping etc :(

I have appealed btw

wishful that bloody sucks. Ive got exactly same reasons they don't give us one for DC and myself.

Since my needs have become more visible e.g. Stick it's happened more and more. Probably the only good thing when they couldn't be seen was not having people saying things like that.

Or yesterday's which was someone who I met with a friend at lunch - 'you have such a good brain why don't you try work? '

I once met a junior doctor who had developed EDS during pregnancy and was being bullied in A&E where she was working. She told me, crying, because of my diagnosis (I was there for something else). I did manage to help her though it took some creative phone calls to avoid her getting into trouble for it.

Do appeal the blue badge. It's always worth appealing!! Did you have a medical assessment for it or did they turn it down on paper? (Perhaps you could ask for an assessment before they turn you down and explain then about your needs?)

Is the letter to do with the Accesss to Work scheme?

Had this on the bus the other day, woman refused to move herself and her bag from the flip down seating so I could put DS's SN pushchair in the space. She did eventually, grudgingly which much huffing and eye rolling, move her bag over just enough so that I could park Ds in the space. She then got off about 5 minutes later! Don't know what some people's problem is :/

Had this today and ended up breaking down ina shop, only to be WHISPERED about very loudly that ''she must have mental health problems too''.

couldn't find a shop floor assistant anywhere and ended up trying to walk around in circles to find one. eventually, (on last legs) asked assistant not what I wanted but if there was somewhere I could sit for a few minutes as my legs (crutch, AND walking stick) were weak.

she was very rude and said ''we're a shop, not a hospital''. '' ehhhh?

did complain to manager. and left shopping in basket as there was a to and fro IYKWIM barrier thing to get to checkout and was too far for me to go toing and froing up and down walkway thing.

Today I got told that autism isn't a disability, well not a proper one.

I have autism too and reckon our biggest disadvantage is other people's attitudes.

However, we have to live in a neurotypical world - if it's not a disability what is it???