to want to electrocute the freshers slightly?

[SuperFox]

Just that really, as I am rudely awoken at 330am by yet another hysterically funny game of trapdoor run I can't help but wonder what the response would be if I rigged up the door knocker with a short sharp shock; only a small one for educational purposes you understand, cause and effect is such an important lesson in life...

One of my neighbours has the joy of working at the university, his years of experience have taught him that "undergrads are all idiots, utterly clueless" (to be muttered wearily).

Anyone else love the start of the academic year and the ensuing pranks as much as I do?

Even better - I just advised the parents where to park so they didn't get ticketed!

11.30 am yesterday, the 5 lads in the supermarket in front of me were all buying a can of monster & a packet of crisps, going through the till individually.
After they'd gone, I said to the cashier, "Do you think that was their breakfast then?"
She fell about laughing & we had a chat about, "If their mothers could see them now!"
Awwww, bless their little smelly cotton socks!

I'm starting Uni this week and dreading being surrounded in 18 year olds

Oh, a lot of them are lovely! They'll settle down by about Week 6 or 7, when the work hits.

Good luck -- oh I get nostalgic: I love Freshers Week, I wish I were starting out all over again.

I used to buy the cheapest sausages in kwik save & eat them in no frills White bread with ketchup for dinner
I dread to think what was in them....

That would be really annoying.

Of course, I was perfectly well behaved as a Fresher although I did get utterly wasted on the second night and had to be carried home

I enjoyed the freshers behind me some years ago who pointed at the bag of okra I had and said "that looks like willies". Of course, I was being unreasonable in buying okra in the first place, as it's usually slimy and tasteless. At the time it was terribly fashionable, and we all thought that watery stews were turned into trendy gumbo by adding okra and beans. We were, of course wrong.

But aside from the poor upbringing that leaves people thinking it's acceptable to mock other people's shopping, you have to ponder the life experiences of four young women who thought penises are three inches long, pointed, with ridges up the sides.

Good luck ood!

You will become as a god to them when they discover you can work washing machines.

you have to ponder the life experiences of four young women who thought penises are three inches long, pointed, with ridges up the sides.

Smear Nutella on your knocker tonight.

Or smear poo on it and leave an empty nutella jar next to your door.

I used to make 'risotto' with smoked mackerel (the stuff in plastic packs) and sweetcorn in it. WTF was I thinking?

That's the beauty of risotto. You can bung in just about anything!

What a pile of wanky dross.
Most if the first time freshens I know have had at least a gap year and most have been working since they were 16.
Kids these days know that Uni is the easy beer and wine filled optimum choice rather than the risky but probably safer bet of going out and earning a living. And they know this because they live in the real world and have had rubbish jobs in retail and pubs and know that's hard work.
And mum and dad don't complain because it's Uni. Even if they know that really they should be able to shop for themselves at 18.

What about all the 18 year olds who have new jobs and flat shares. Where's the "how cute" stories about the office junior.

Smug and horribly dated thread.

ooh er! consider me chastised, so seriously are you backing poo or nutella for the knocker revealall?

Well aren't you the bundle of laughs, Revealall?

Marmite might be nice, SuperFox.

Our street is about 50% student houses and about 99% of those are Chinese students. I hope this years lot are as lovely as last years. The ones over the road saw the kids coming home from school with homemade Chinese lanterns at Chinese New Year and invited us over for the most amazing Chinese meal I've had in my life.

i would go with a mixture of both so that it smells of neither and puts horrible doubt in their minds. then I get pissed off with silly buggers ringing the bell and running off.

Smug and horribly dated thread.

Oh, dear. I'd better tell all the freshers from 2013 they are now 'horribly dated'.

Do you think you could give them lessons in how to be modern and up-to-the-minute? You see, they don't seem to have realized they're out of touch and I'm terribly worried this year's lot will go the same way, without your special recourse to insider knowledge of The Modern Fresher to help them.

Fancy some vinegar with your chip, revealall?

LRD - perhaps you could start the course with a showing of "Thoroughly Modern Millie" accompanied by lashings of ginger ale, no chance of any old fashioned educational frippery in that sort of lesson surely?

I shall probably be even more old-fashioned than that. Poor students!

But seriously: I don't think the essentials of moving out of home for the first time (which it is for most of them) ever change very much, do they? There is a reason why most of us remember value pasta. It's not a specifically studenty thing so far as I can see, but it is nostalgic to look back on that time in your life, right?

Kitties - marmite may backfire if the opportunistic prankster happens to be a lover of such hideous gunge, I may open the front door in the morning to find a fresher licking the knocker clean, not sure I could stomach that!

Rather than Nutella, smear rice jizz on the knocker - you know, the thick, gloopy starch you get when you cook rice badly. It is indistinguishable in look and texture from actual jizz.

Such larks, Pip!

alma - wouldn't there be a risk of rice jizz drip al la "Something about Mary" which may lead to the postie struggling to meet my eye in future?

I hope my new Freshers are not as deficient in the sense of humour department as Revealall, otherwise we are in for a rocky 5 years.