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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move into another bedroom due to DH snoring?

61 replies

Pollywallywinkles · 14/09/2014 12:27

I'm fed up with having my sleep disturbed by DH snoring. I've gone to bed well before him for a number of years so I am asleep before he comes to bed. However, I am still frequently woken during the night because of his snoring. Once I'm awake, I find it difficult to get back to sleep and can be awake for more than a couple of hours despite getting up and moving rooms. I work full time and need my sleep.

Things are slightly compounded by peri menopause and night sweats which may or may not disturb me (some nights are worse than others).

DH says that there is nothing he can do about his snoring and has made no moves to seek medical advice. He knows he will be told to stop smoking and cut down on drinking.

I have moved to another bedroom which has really upset DH who thinks I am being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
TheNewSchmoo · 14/09/2014 12:30

No he is, and selfish. It would be different if he'd made any attempt at medical intervention, and if he card enough he'd seek it.

TheNewSchmoo · 14/09/2014 12:30

*cared

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK · 14/09/2014 12:32

No!

Sleep is very important if I had another bed I'd do the same, well nearly because I'm still usually awake way after him I'd go to bed with him then once the snoring started I'd move through.

Have you thought about having a half hour cuddle time before you move through so you both get to have affection then when it time for sleep you move?

chesterberry · 14/09/2014 12:36

Of course not! Snoring is one thing I cannot abide and I would be doing the same. There is nothing worse than a broken night's sleep because you are lying next to a snorer who just will not shut up. I know the snorer doesn't do it on purpose but if he really felt that strongly about sharing a bed he would at least visit the doctor to see if there was anything he could do.

He is definitely being unreasonable here, not you.

antimatter · 14/09/2014 12:38

no, YANBU

but he should read about apnea and see his GP

Original poster
Pollywallywinkles · 14/09/2014 12:55

I'm now just using a spare room as I'm fed up with having to have my sleep disturbed. It would be a slightly different matter if he got up when I said that his snoring was disturbing me, but the damage would have been done as I would be wide awake by then.

I have enough to contend with due to the night sweats and whilst I've tried HRT and then Citalopram, the side effects meant I had to stop taking them.

OP posts:
ODearMe · 14/09/2014 12:55

YANBU

AutumnDragon · 14/09/2014 12:58

Go for it!

DH finally agreed to me having my own room when he woke to find me with a pillow poised above his head Shock I was actually asleep at the time Blush (well, more of a fugue like state due to lack of sleep)

I was feeling really ill before we had separate rooms, I thought it was the peri-menopause but I felt so much better after less than a week on my own that we realised it was just lack of sleep.

I go into his bed for a cuddle or whatever, then swap to my own room. He's happier as my libido, which had been absent for a few years, suddenly returned Grin

elmo2014 · 14/09/2014 13:19

No, YANBU. I have done the same unofficially, as in I wait for him to go to sleep and then leave. I'm about to make it official. I'm 8 months pregnant and there's no way I'm having pitiful sleep even more interrupted by snoring and grinding teeth all flipping night.

He still wakes me up from across the landing, but at least I don't want to murder him. It's easier to go back to sleep if I'm not in the same room.
If he wants me to come back properly, he'll have to go to the Dr's. What is it with them refusing to go? Selfish.

Original poster
Pollywallywinkles · 14/09/2014 13:23

I don't know what it is about them not going to the doctors. I mentioned it to our GP recently and DH has to go for some X-ray results soon so I'm hoping one of them may bring it up.

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 14/09/2014 13:26

YANBU

If he refuses to quit smoking or cut down on drinking he obviously couldn't give a shit how much he disturbs your sleep does he?

Me624 · 14/09/2014 14:31

I am a very light sleeper and if DH snores I just get up quietly and go to the spare room. I used to toss and turn, huffing and puffing but I realised that I was just getting myself worked up! And waking him up just made him really grumpy so then we were both lying there grumpy and not asleep.

Thankfully it is now a rare occurrence and I am afraid to say that what 'cured' DH was giving up smoking. He went from a warthog most nights to someone who now snores v occasionally if he has a cold or has been drinking particularly heavily. I look back to the early years of our relationship when he smoked and wonder how I used to put up with it!

squoosh · 14/09/2014 14:34

YANBU

Listening to someone snore is actual torture.

What a selfish arse he sounds though if he's refusing to seek medical advice.

KittiesInsane · 14/09/2014 14:37

How I wish we had a spare room.

I can be kept awake by DH breathing at night.
Unfortunately he thinks I'm unreasonable to ask him to stop.

gentlehoney · 14/09/2014 14:38

I would have been jailed for murder long ago if we didn't have other rooms to go to.

Original poster
Pollywallywinkles · 14/09/2014 16:12

I personally think it should be him that gets up during the night if he disturbs me, but by the time I've woken him up I'm wide awake hence deciding I'm not going to be woken by him in the first instance. I just can't understand why he would be affronted by me choosing not to have my sleep disturbed by him and sleeping elsewhere.

OP posts:
AliceInSandwichLand · 14/09/2014 16:28

My DH had snored for decades and eventually got referred to a specialist because he was beginning to have memory issues and was worried there was something nasty happening. His problems were caused by sleep apnoea and resolved completely with a breathing machine for use at night - it's a CPAP machine. I urge you to encourage your DH to seek help. You will both feel much better and it will improve his health and life expectancy!

4seasons · 14/09/2014 17:20

He's upset ? Really ? You are losing sleep every night and HE'S upset !!! Sorry .... got carried away there. I now have my own bedroom and it is great .I hope I never have to share again (apart from the obvious of course ) . Just ask him what you are supposed to do. Does he really think you should put up and shut up ? Try taking a radio to bed with you and every so often turn it on and wake him up to see how he likes it . No, no, just kidding ( or maybe not ) . I started shaking my DH awake every time he woke me up with his snoring . He was shattered after a few days . I pointed out I had put up with it for forty years !

deckthehalls1188 · 14/09/2014 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Radicalrooster · 14/09/2014 18:31

My wife's snoring sounds like someone revving a scooter. If it gets too bad I just sleep in a spare room. She doesn't care. Why would she, she's unconscious.

peppersaunt · 14/09/2014 18:49

I totally sympathise with all PP! Going on 25 years of sleeping with a snorer. I end up moving to the spare room most nights, though we've negotiated that he sleeps there several nights a week. There have been nights when I found myself at 3 a.m. Wondering whether a jury would convict me if I smothered him...

Original poster
Pollywallywinkles · 14/09/2014 18:56

I thought he would be pleased me moving so that I didn't keep shouting at him and poking him during the night. I go to bed at least two hours before he does, so me sleeping on my own shouldn't make too much difference and it saves him having to creep around when he comes to bed.

Who knows if he will bother going to the doctors, but only he can take responsibility for his own health. Me moaning about it for nearly 30 years has made no difference, so I doubt he will bother.

OP posts:
Fenton · 14/09/2014 19:03

I can still hear DH in other rooms, on the same floor or other. Sad

Earplugs are the only thing that works for me, or listening to something relaxing in the iPod.

peppersaunt · 14/09/2014 19:08

Can anyone recommend effective earplugs? High-pitched snoring cuts through them...

Kelly1814 · 14/09/2014 19:11

Ear plugs saved my marriage.