To move into another bedroom due to DH snoring?

[Pollywallywinkles]

I'm fed up with having my sleep disturbed by DH snoring. I've gone to bed well before him for a number of years so I am asleep before he comes to bed. However, I am still frequently woken during the night because of his snoring. Once I'm awake, I find it difficult to get back to sleep and can be awake for more than a couple of hours despite getting up and moving rooms. I work full time and need my sleep.

Things are slightly compounded by peri menopause and night sweats which may or may not disturb me (some nights are worse than others).

DH says that there is nothing he can do about his snoring and has made no moves to seek medical advice. He knows he will be told to stop smoking and cut down on drinking.

I have moved to another bedroom which has really upset DH who thinks I am being unreasonable. Am I?

I snore really badly and keep the Mrs awake - As a result I sleep separately, Not ideal and I know my snoring is caused by being overweight and smoking. Trying to do something about it but YANBU - whats the point of having him keeping you awake and you possibly keeping him awake by kicking him constantly?

We've had separate bedrooms for 14 years. DW snores, and about once a week I have a full on nightmare, complete with screaming and thrashing.

YABU. Get him to move to another bedroom. I did. It didn't work though. He still slept all through the night and I could still hear every snore. I inflicted LTB on him but the other way round not just for the snoring though!.

OP I feel your pain. I have had the same issue for years, I was totally sleep deprived and ended up sleeping on the couch every night. My back was aching, I didn't sleep well there etc.

After years of either dd sleeping with me and he in her room, or me being on the couch, or him being on the couch, I said enough is enough and made him an appointment at ENT doctor. He went and the dr referred him to a sleep clinic. Dh wasn't happy about it at all, but it was honestly affecting our marriage. He went and the tests showed that he had severe sleep apnoea and severe sleep deprivation (I nearly spat my coffee out reading that he was sleep deprived, as was I...) It has taken 5 months to get him to try the CPAP machine out, and all I can say is, why we didn't do this years ago I have no idea.... He doesn't snore AT ALL with the machine on. He is like a different person actually, isn't tired and wanting to go to bed at 8pm, lost some weight, isn't grumpy all the fucking time anymore...

Please talk to him about seeing a GP for a referral. If he has apnoea's it can be dangerous health wise. But he could also try losing a bit of weight and drinking less, as those two factors alone do cause snoring....

but it is lovely to sleep all night without being disturbed, I know this too well

My dh is currently on the sofa most nights ( except when I am on night shifts) due to his awful snoring. We have 4 kids and no spare rooms. I feel awfully guilty that he has to sleep on the couch but I was already totally knackered by working shifts and a couple of nightshifts a week and then having my sleep disturbed on the other nights was intolerable. he is also under the ENT people, and the facial maxillary consultant, who was going to re-align his jaw but can't now due to his bad asthma. I feel sad that it has come to this but my health was suffering. I hope something can be done about it.

earplugs for you, doctor for him.

he could have sleep apnea. quite serious. smoking and drinking are risk factors. but HIBU for not taking the first step to solve a problem that is seriously bothering you (i.e. seeing a doctor).

OP
You are being perfectly reasonable.
Good sleep is extremely important.
Separate beds for sleeping are NOT a sign of a bad marriage.

I am the snorer in this house.
I can snore lying on my front.
Before I had my nose rebuilt I was so loud I woke myself up, let alone DH !

Important things :
Alcohol makes snoring much, much worse - so try for four alcohol free days per week - for lots of reasons.

Being overweight exacerbates snoring : but losing weight does not always make it stop

If the snorer can get soundly to sleep quickly (easier if you are in separate beds) they will snore less.

Its good to know I am not alone, but sorry to hear that others have a similar problem.

I'm working on the one step at a time approach at the moment, steps have been taken to stop smoking and it is also looking like there is going to be a reduction in drinking.

I don't think he has sleep apnea as he is not showing any of the obvious symptoms. Yes, I would feel better if he spoke to the GP about it, but he has to do that of his own volition.

Pollywally
Sleeping separately is one of the big undiscussed issues
lots and lots of couples do : when the kids were small I researched and it was around 1 in 3 couple slept apart for reasons OTHER than night time feeds!
but if you do both get a good nights sleep, it makes discussing the issue the next day a lot easier

I started using a CPAP machine in March 2013 as the Excessive Daytime Sleepiness was so excessive that I had the experience of wanting to nod off while standing up teaching a class of 14-15 year olds.

I had an assessment done at the Sleep Clinic at my local hospital - arrived at the hospital in time for my normal bed time, left at about 0830 the next morning. Few weeks later had another appointment for the results. I was so tired because I have sleep apnoea - where I momentarily stop breathing during my sleep. Another symptom is snoring.

Wearing a mask over my nose every night is not how I expected to be spending my nights at the age of 37 (as I was when I started using the machine), but I am SO MUCH better. I don't fall asleep driving any more, or as a passenger, I can stay awake all evening and I feel so much better.

Now all I need to do is convince DH that he needs to go to see his doctor about the same symptoms. Oh, look at that, another bloke who is allergic to his doctor!!!!

I'm pleased to say that Dh is doing really well with the cutting down on smoking and will hopefully eventually stop. Early days at the moment, but he has gone down from 20 a day to 2 a day for the last 2 days.

We have slept in the same bed for the last 2 nights and I haven't heard him snoring.

I still doubt he will mention his snoring is causing problems when he sees the GP next week for his test results, but I will remind him to mention it as he has an appointment.

I will certainly have no hesitation in going back to one of the spare rooms if I am disturbed by it again.