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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hide in the bathroom while DP's brother comes over?

83 replies

Iffy2014 · 14/09/2014 11:44

Of course I'm being unreasonable. You will tell me so, and I am accepting of that.

But, it is still bloody Sunday morning. DP's brother texts ten mins ago to tell us he is on the way over to use the computer (they don't have a PC, so tend to come by once a fortnight or so to sort some essentials online/using Word). He's also bringing his sons, aged 4 and 6.

I told DP I would go and have my bath whilst they were here. This is because:

a) It's Sunday morning, I'm not dressed yet. It's my day off, and I am in no mind to receive guests at five mins' notice in my dressing gown with unwashed hair and remnants of mascara round my face (out last night);

b) I love our nephews, but DP's brother ignores them while he comes over. They are little boys who are into everything, but we keep no toys in the house. This is problematic because we live in a one-bed flat the size of a postage stamp (seriously, my best friend's living room is bigger than our whole flat), so the boys quickly become restless, but DP's brother will ignore the boys whilst he and DP chat computers and such, so I am left to try and amuse them with some colouring books whilst trying to contain them in such a small space;

c) I'm a teacher. I spend all week disclipling others' children. It's Sunday after the first week back. I am not at all up to it.

So I am scheduling my bath for when they arrive, because I just don't want to deal this morning.

Obviously, IABU. But someone please tell me I am HUMAN to feel such a way about being the assumed children's entertainer in my own non-child-proofed home with five minutes' notice on a Sunday morning?! (After a wine or two last night...)

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 14/09/2014 12:02

YANBU. This would send me into a fury. What a nerve they have. Tell them to go to an internet cafe or that the computer has broken down. If this was me it would be the last time they pulled this stunt. Fuming on your behalf!

KittenOverlord · 14/09/2014 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLuck10 · 14/09/2014 12:04

Yabu it's rude of you in my opinion. Why not go offer them a cup of tea and put the tv on for the kids and then go have your bath. It amazes me how some people treat their family really. Very rude.

Topaz25 · 14/09/2014 12:04

Of course YANBU. They are unexpected guests, you don't have to drop everything for them. You are doing a favour by letting him use the computer, you shouldn't have to provide free childcare too! He is taking the piss and your partner needs to stand up to him. At the minimum he should give more notice for his visits and ask if it is convenient, not tell you he is on his way and he should also supervise his own children but TBH I would only allow someone to drop in and use my computer as a temporary solution while they saved up for their own. If he is earning better money than you then there is no excuse for him to be using your resources long term. What would happen if your computer suddenly 'broke down' for a while, would that motivate him to get his own?

HighFiveThenSquidAway · 14/09/2014 12:07

Yanbu enjoy your bath :)

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/09/2014 12:07

So SIL is working, therefore BIL needs to use your computer RIGHT NOW? Sorry, but stuff that for a game of soldiers, he's being a complete user just as he is with your computer. It is really time to tell him to behave better. If he wants to use your computer, then he has to accept that you are doing him a FAVOUR, and that it will therefore be on your terms - at a time convenient to you, and without ignored-and-therefore-homewrecking DNs in tow. Cheeky bastard!

gamerchick · 14/09/2014 12:10

So his missus is working and he doesn't fancy having sole charge of his kids in other words.

Enjoy your bath OP.

musicalendorphins2 · 14/09/2014 12:12

Naw, you're normal.

Waaaait a minute...what do you mean no computer? That means his wife is deprived of mumsnet, on-line shopping, youtube, e-mail
PS. No, yanu to do your own thing, totally normal. However, you may have to take steps for your sil to get a pc and the internet.
Word!

glammanana · 14/09/2014 12:12

YANBU at all the cheek of him just 10 mins notice and the children left to their own devices,so I presume their own house will still be nice and tidy when mum gets in from work after they have messed up yours ? A quiet word with your OH is in order I think he needs to say sorry we are on our way out as Iffy has had a stressful week back at school.

musicalendorphins2 · 14/09/2014 12:13

Excuse rotten editing attempt. ^

hamptoncourt · 14/09/2014 12:19

YANBU.

If they aren't gone by the time you finish your bath I would go out on an urgent mission to the nearest cafe with a good book.

Spadequeen · 14/09/2014 12:24

Is would have told your dh that is fine but not to bring the children as you won't be able to supervise them and you will not be cleaning up after them but I see they're already here.

I would repeat to your dh, that you will not be cleaning up after them, his brother needs to sort out any mess, in future her may not be so keen to come over with them.

Why did he have to come now? Why couldn't have come when the boys were in bed? Why did your dh say ok?

hormonalandneedingcheese · 14/09/2014 12:25

YANBU, say a quick hi and escape to your bath. :)

Kimaroo · 14/09/2014 12:29

Lol Ladyluck that's hilarious Grin

Staywithme · 14/09/2014 12:37

Absolutely NBU! It's time they stopped that nonsense and got their own computer. Bet they just don't want to pay for the internet. Tell them your starting to go over your internet limit because your using it for work so they'll have to get their own.

I love my in laws but they pee me off arriving for visits with little or no notice and it's usually when I or the house looks like shit or I'm in the middle of something. They really mean well but one sil and her DH visited after mass on a Sunday morning (10.30 am) when I was still in my pjs. Blush They then said "well done you for taking it easy, did you have a lie in?" I was up three times during the night with my DH, brought his breakfast to him, fed the 2 dogs & 6 cats, emptied the dishwasher and tumble dryer and refilled washing machine, amonst other cleaning. I'd just sat down to my late breakfast and they know DH can't get up until @11. Blimey that felt cathartic. BlushGrinBlush I just smilled made them coffee, then had to get poor DH up because he heard them (nosey sod Grin)

In all seriousness I do love them but was startling to feel that I had to rush around cleaning up and making myself respectable in case they arrived. In the end I had to explain that I would appreciate them phoning to check if a visit was ok because while I would never dream of coming between them and my DH I sometimes needed some time to do other things. I think one sil was a little Hmm about it but the other (constant visitor) was lovely as her husband had been ill in the last.

You're already starting to resent them and I would hate for something that may seem small to them to come between you. Your DP needs to have a word without making you seem like the bad guy. Good luck.

Staywithme · 14/09/2014 12:39

Oh no. Just posted that and realised it was like a long essay. Sorry. Blush

Though you did say you were a teacher so you could make it! Grin

Staywithme · 14/09/2014 12:40

Oops MARK not MAKE. That'll be an F- then!

AlpacaMyBags · 14/09/2014 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

threepiecesuite · 14/09/2014 12:41

Before we had kids, dp's brother would do this and I would be expected to look after them as the token female ie. mother figure.
I quickly wised up and told dp to grow a pair and tell his brother straight that it just wasn't convenient.

MeganChips · 14/09/2014 12:47

Oh this happens to me too. BIL comes over with his boys, they are generally ignored except by me and end up trashing the place. I spend the whole time following them around, trying to stop them doing various things only to be met with constant excuses that they're only doing it because they haven't been to the park yet today. Hinting for me to take them.

He can hint until he's blue in the face, it's not happening.

DH and BIL will sit there for ages on the PC, talking about geeky stuff and generally not noticing the kids. It drives me crazy. Plus, when mine see them getting away with murder, they try it on too. I end up spending an entire day telling off children.

BIL can't drive at the moment so we're free from it. DH goes over there now with the kids but I won't go any more. My blood pressure can't take it.

Veritata · 14/09/2014 12:49

It is ludicrous that they don't have a computer. Has it occurred to them that the children will need access to one for school work? Do neither of them have access to a computer at work or the local library that they can use for whatever it is they want to do, e.g. during lunch breaks?

It sounds to me as if your DP likes the chance to chat to his brother and hasn't factored in that it only happens at the cost of a lot of work and inconvenience for you. You need to tell him that if he wants to talk to his brother, fine, but it will have to be without the kids, and his brother needs to be told anyway that it's absurd to be sponging off you to use a computer.

Original poster
Iffy2014 · 14/09/2014 12:50

Well, they're gone, though my bath wasn't too relaxing... I am currently shaking with rage! Will update piece by piece, so as not to write an essay about it!

For the bath-supporters, you will be pleased to know that in the 50mins they were here, I took the time to wash and condition my hair, then treat it with argan oil. Then gave myself a full body exfoliation, facial, and foot scrub. Followed by clipping my nails and shaving!

OP posts:
Original poster
Iffy2014 · 14/09/2014 12:53

So, more or less the entire time they were here, DP's brother allowed them to play OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM DOOR.

To DP's defence, he made snacks, and brought them back into the living room several times, but whenever he helped his brother with the computer, they snuck back again.

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 14/09/2014 13:00

Oh dear! YANBU - basically BIL is using you as a babysitter proxy whilst SIL is in work. Not on and letting them play right upside the door so the could make noise whilst you were trying to relax is simply rude. Time for DH to have a word with his brother methinks.

RabidFairy · 14/09/2014 13:01

Wow, he took the piss today. I would say this needs to be knocked on the head from now on. No more mooching free babysitting from him.