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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To insist on paying for my youngest lad to go on foreign school trip?

77 replies

RonnieRomanio · 14/09/2014 10:37

I have been a single parent for most of my children's upbringing. Their father and I split when they were 4 and 2 years old. I have had brief relationships since but primarily I have always been a single parent. They're now 13 and 15.

Despite being a single parent I was always obsessive good with money and managed to take the kids on 3 foreign holidays during their childhood and paid for my eldest to go abroad with school twice, both times to Germany. My youngest has never been on a school trip other than the local area.

I'm now living with a new partner, money is better than it ever was for me so thearetically, if youngest comes home with a school trip letter abroad (which he is likely to in the next few months as he's just been told that Spain is on the cards for all year 9s) then it shouldn't be a problem right?

Well no, DP said he doesn't want us to let him go, his kids never went on school trips as they were growing up and neither did he. My argument is that as my eldest has always been allowed to go and we're not short of money, he should be able to go! imagine the conversation ... "sorry son, I know your brother got to go away loads at your age back when we had less money but you can't go, no real reason other than life is a bitch sometimes."

AIBU to tell DP that it isn't our fault that he was too tight to let his kids go on school trips (they had the money, they had more than I did anyway!) and I have always brought my kids up knowing that school trips, within reason, will be paid for and I don't want that to change?

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 14/09/2014 10:38

It's none of his business.

KittenOverlord · 14/09/2014 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ticktickboomtick · 14/09/2014 10:39

I'm amazed that he's doing this to be honest - you're definitely not being unreasonable.

youlookbeautifultonight · 14/09/2014 10:40

He is your son, if you are planning to pay for the trip with your own money then why is it any of his business?

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 14/09/2014 10:40

Er why are you with this man?

windowtree · 14/09/2014 10:40

It's nothing to do with him - why would it be? Sounds like a charmer

JuniperTisane · 14/09/2014 10:40

Well, surely its nothing to do with him? Not his kids, not his business. He isn't the boss.

DearGirl · 14/09/2014 10:40

Yanbu

MrsBungle · 14/09/2014 10:40

Absolutely none of his businesses. Of course you should send your own child on a school trip if you and child want to.

RonnieRomanio · 14/09/2014 10:43

We both work and our money is pooled into one big pot so it makes it awkward when stuff like this comes up.

OP posts:
youlookbeautifultonight · 14/09/2014 10:44

Is he usually controlling with money? I don't understand why you even had to ask for his permission tbh.

Viviennemary · 14/09/2014 10:44

He has a total cheek IMHO. How dare he interfere in your child's life. I'd be seriously considering ending the relationship. Utter meanie and control freak.

Hollycopter · 14/09/2014 10:44

YA so NBU. He is, and worryingly tight.

jerryfudd · 14/09/2014 10:44

He sounds like a keeper Confused

Unless he is now the boss of you I'm assuming you will be letting YOUR child go

PumpkinBones · 14/09/2014 10:45

YANBU.

MrsBungle · 14/09/2014 10:47

I can see that when money is pooled you should discuss big purchases, however, I think I would "un-pool" my money with this charmer.

greenfolder · 14/09/2014 10:48

Sounds like an excellent point at which to seperate finances, esp with regard to your children

Mrsjayy · 14/09/2014 10:49

He is your son not his your children deserve a stepdad who supports their mums decisions it is not your 13yr olds responsiblity to worry about his children were not allowed to do they were not brought up together.

antimatter · 14/09/2014 10:50

If he thinks liek that maybe time to have separate budgets and yo uwon't have to explain how you spend money on your kids.
He IBVVVU .

feathermucker · 14/09/2014 10:51

YANBU!!

That's just cruel! What are you going to do?

WillowWoods · 14/09/2014 10:51

Of course he should go. Your DP is probably thinking of how bad it makes him look,when his own DC's find out about it. I'd keep some finances separate too.

TeaAndALemonTart · 14/09/2014 10:52

Just tell him he's going.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 14/09/2014 10:53

Well usually pooling money is a sign that you are both happy to become a Family. How callous of him to deny a member of that family something their sibling has done purely because he doesnt want them to do it.

Id split with him back to separate finances if he cannot see that your kids are going to be massively affected by this.

wherehavealltheflowersgone · 14/09/2014 10:53

YANBU
he is being a cock.
Your kids, your money, your rules
Your Ds must go!

Bue · 14/09/2014 10:54

Your partner sounds awful.