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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist on paying for my youngest lad to go on foreign school trip?

77 replies

RonnieRomanio · 14/09/2014 10:37

I have been a single parent for most of my children's upbringing. Their father and I split when they were 4 and 2 years old. I have had brief relationships since but primarily I have always been a single parent. They're now 13 and 15.

Despite being a single parent I was always obsessive good with money and managed to take the kids on 3 foreign holidays during their childhood and paid for my eldest to go abroad with school twice, both times to Germany. My youngest has never been on a school trip other than the local area.

I'm now living with a new partner, money is better than it ever was for me so thearetically, if youngest comes home with a school trip letter abroad (which he is likely to in the next few months as he's just been told that Spain is on the cards for all year 9s) then it shouldn't be a problem right?

Well no, DP said he doesn't want us to let him go, his kids never went on school trips as they were growing up and neither did he. My argument is that as my eldest has always been allowed to go and we're not short of money, he should be able to go! imagine the conversation ... "sorry son, I know your brother got to go away loads at your age back when we had less money but you can't go, no real reason other than life is a bitch sometimes."

AIBU to tell DP that it isn't our fault that he was too tight to let his kids go on school trips (they had the money, they had more than I did anyway!) and I have always brought my kids up knowing that school trips, within reason, will be paid for and I don't want that to change?

OP posts:
GarlicSeptimus · 14/09/2014 11:24

Oh, Ronnie, I'm on your other thread. DP is an utter twat. You deserve better, your kids deserve better - and so do his, but they're stuck with him!

Ditch him. That's an order Grin

GarlicSeptimus · 14/09/2014 11:25

xpost, Ehric ...

HibiscusIsland · 14/09/2014 11:27

School trips are educational. it is part of his education. He needs to go like his brother. Obviously it would be different if the money wasn't there

SomethingAboutNothing · 14/09/2014 11:29

Jean that's a strange comment. Just because OP did well on her own, doesn't mean she isn't entitled to have a relationship and live with a man if she chooses.

But OP, he is most definitely BU, and it is not his choice to make whether your son goes on holiday.

newrecruit · 14/09/2014 11:30

Having seen your other thread, I would say this is controlling, verging on abusive behaviour.

Even if it isn't, he doesn't appear to treat you, or your children very well.

Does he?

Acolyte · 14/09/2014 11:31

It wouldn't be up for discussion.
Your child, your choice.

SuperWifeANDMum · 14/09/2014 11:44

Ronnie Why are you with this man? You currently have a thread running in relationships where you describe your home life with this man. It consists of two days per week where he is 'nice' to you then the rest of the week he is being argumentative in time for his children visiting. Then manipulates you into think it's your fault. It's abuse, it may not be physical but it's mental abuse.

What kind of relationship is that? More importantly why are you exposing your children to this kind of toxic behaviour?

He is unpleasant, manipulative and abusive, my advice would be to 'un pool' your money ASAP and LTB.

WillowWoods · 14/09/2014 12:20

I read your other thread too. It's not much of a time gap between threads Sad

DraggingDownDownDown · 14/09/2014 13:30

is there a link to the other thread?

ilovesooty · 14/09/2014 13:36

Your son should be able to have the opportunities his older brother had. Tell your partner to fuck right off.

GarlicSeptimus · 14/09/2014 13:47

Dragging - hint Wink

DoJo · 14/09/2014 14:11

Just read your other thread - why are you sticking with this relationship? He sounds like a twat and all the children involved will be feeling the fall-out from his apparent need to control you, so the only person who's doing well out of this arrangement is him.

Fairenuff · 14/09/2014 14:18

You know that he favours one of his children over the other, perhaps he is just trying to force you to do the same. Don't let that happen.

Staywithme · 14/09/2014 14:28

Well OP, from reading this thread I can't think why he and his first wife split up! He's sounds like a real keeper. Hmm

Run as far for this git as you can. You've already been a single parent and from the sounds of it you'd be better of. Good luck.

Janethegirl · 14/09/2014 16:40

Definitely separate your finances, he sounds like a complete knob. Are you sure you want to be with him?

WillowWoods · 14/09/2014 18:19

16.40? My clock must be wrong.
O.P. In some way,he's trying to gain the exes approval,which he wont.

JeanSeberg · 14/09/2014 18:22

Jean that's a strange comment. Just because OP did well on her own, doesn't mean she isn't entitled to have a relationship and live with a man if she chooses

The op can do as she pleases.

However, her 'right' comes significantly lower down than her sons' right to not have to live with an abusive arsehole, wouldn't you say?

picnicbasketcase · 14/09/2014 18:23

'He is going. His brother was allowed to go, I'm not moving the goalposts and letting him miss out just because you say so, it's completely unfair on him. We can afford it and it is happening.'

There you go.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 14/09/2014 18:26

Another one agreeing with what everyone else said. He sounds horribly controlling.

Separate your finances pronto.
Pay for your DS2 to go on this trip.
Separate from your horrible DP.

gertiegusset · 14/09/2014 18:31

Your kids, you're paying, your business.
Let him go, we struggled to send our three on school trips and they loved it.

gertiegusset · 14/09/2014 18:33

And get your money un pooled pronto before he cleans you out.

WillowWoods · 14/09/2014 18:45

I'll bet he's moved in with you. Move him out.

Pipbin · 14/09/2014 18:53

his kids never went on school trips as they were growing up and neither did he

So because he didn't do it as a child neither should anyone else.

Loveloveloveher · 14/09/2014 20:54

Please don't let your son miss out because this man is being a total prick. If he's going to be so controlling about money it may be an idea to keep finances separate from now on too.

Peppa87 · 14/09/2014 21:18

Ignore him, tell him you intend to pay for it and do it !