Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To refuse to "Just put her in a taxi and send her home" DSD, aged 11

149 replies

SilenceOfTheSAHMs · 13/09/2014 19:17

Is DP being unreasonable to not allow his DD, aged 11 to travel home from weekend contact in a taxi? DP's XP wanted him to, but he refused and safer transport was arranged. We currently have no car.

It just didn't feel "right" to put her in a taxi alone. Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 14/09/2014 12:16

You cannot be so naive explored, very!

Flyawaylittlebutterfly · 14/09/2014 12:19

There's a certain type of man that likes very young girls. Most of those girls abused in Rotherham were no longer of any interest and freed from sex slavery once they hit sixteen. A frightening number of men like and prefer little girls. Taxi drivers amongst them.

Explored · 14/09/2014 12:20

This has become completely surreal now. You really believe that every man who would put a hand on the knee of a drunk woman wants to take advantage of 11 yo girls? Really?

Aeroflotgirl · 14/09/2014 12:30

No not every man, but some yes. Like Flyaway has highlighted Rotherham, I am sure some of those men were taxi drivers. Would you be happy with your child Alone with one of them!

owlborn · 14/09/2014 12:37

I clearly have had a very sheltered life. I took taxis to and from school when I was 11 and occasionally if my parents needed to get me somewhere like a train and I never had any problems. Maybe I was just lucky.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 14/09/2014 12:59

Actually, I don't think most creeps have such a set in stone cut off point regarding age. I think that they prey on vulnerability, and that can mean 11, it can mean 17. Not all predators are clinical paedophiles, more like opportunists, which is more scary in a way.
If I walk behind a group of 12 year old girls, I notice that men in cars and vans will turn their heads to watch them, and some are openly oggling. I am beyond certain that none of those men would class themselves as paedophiles, or consider themselves to have that disorder, but they still look.
Not to say any of them would consider doing anything (I am not saying that), just that its not so cut and dried all the time.

Stupidhead · 14/09/2014 13:03

I know drivers are checked BUT I know of two local cabbies (licensed) who were/are being investigated for child offences. One has been locked up locked up for a historical case - hence nothing on crb. The other travels abroad but the police took his passport and computers away...

gordyslovesheep · 14/09/2014 13:12

blimey! Look I am sure some men who sexually exploit young people may indeed drive taxi's ...or teach ...or work in banking ...or run pubs ...but it's crazy assume all taxi drivers are opportunist child abusers

also the OP'er has not explained WHY the child would have been alone in the taxi???? why was she or her DH unable to go in the cab

You can't live your life in fear of what may happen - because bad things happen EVERYWHERE not just in taxis

IfNotNowThenWhen · 14/09/2014 13:42

Of course not all taxi drivers are child abusers, that's not what I mean. It's just that someone who works in banking or a pub is unlikely to be allowed to drive off with a child they don't know.
I don't judge risk necessarily on how likely it is to happen, rather on how bad the outcome would be if it did. So, I wouldn't send a child off in a locked car with a random stranger, but I would send a child on a bus into town surrounded by random strangers, because in a crowded place, there is access to help. It's actually quite logical.

HaroldLloyd · 14/09/2014 16:29

It's not sending some one off in a random car though is it. It's using a reputable firm, advising them it's an 11 year old, getting a reg number and drivers id, going somewhere they know an adult is waiting.

I wouldn't send a child in a taxi if they weren't ready to make the trip alone but it wouldn't be in case the driver was a peado.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/09/2014 16:33

Yes but they will be some random person. What if at the last miniute the designated driver was already out and somebody else had to fill in who you don't know the details of.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/09/2014 16:33

yes you are still taking a gamble, in between you putting them in the taxi, and them reaching the other adult at the other end,

HaroldLloyd · 14/09/2014 16:53

There are random people who could be peados absolutely everywhere. People whose car numbers and ID you won't have.

People have to make taxi journeys at some point, 11 would be an appropriate age for a lot of children.

FlossyMoo · 14/09/2014 17:15

I am surprised that some parents allow their children to leave the house at all!. It is starting to sound hysterical now

Veritata · 14/09/2014 17:24

Yes but they will be some random person. What if at the last miniute the designated driver was already out and somebody else had to fill in who you don't know the details of.

Oh, for goodness sake. You deal with a reputable taxi company that you know, preferably one that does things like school transport, if you're that paranoid you ask to meet the drivers who will be assigned to the route, you ask them to contact you if for any reason that changes and give you full details.

You do know, Aeroflot, that cab companies have to be registered and that they would lose all sorts of lucrative contracts if they were as careless as you suggest about sending any random drivers out in the way you suggest? As Flossy says, I'm amazed some people allow their children out of the house ever given the way every passing adult is apparently a potent8ial paedophile.

kslatts · 14/09/2014 17:25

I think I would allow my 11 year old in a taxi, as long as the company were licensed.

Would depend on the child though, I guess some children may feel nervous or uncomfortable being in a car alone with a stranger.

OP - what was the safer method of transport found?

IfNotNowThenWhen · 14/09/2014 18:19

It's not hysterical, and I allow my 8 year old to play out down the street with other kids, and call for his friends. I would let him take a bus alone at 10 I think. He is quite road savvy etc.
I just have had experiences where taxi drivers made me feel really uncomfortable. For e.g one was taking me to a party of a friend who had recently moved, and I was unsure of the way there. I was applying make up in the taxi, and he began to say things to me which clearly implied he thought I was a prostitute. This is one of the more mild stories. And , yes, I reported to the taxi firm He was a new driver they said.
It's not about thinking everyone is a paedo, but sometimes I think that a lot of MNetters are really naive when they scoff about people thinking there is a predator on every corner, because actually there are a lot of creeps out there whether you want to believe it or not.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 14/09/2014 18:30

I'm not one for reactionary "oh em gee, peedo emurrrjunseee!", but owing to recent taxi licence related scandal in my area, I don't know that I would feel comfortable putting a child in a taxi alone.

It's not a matter of thinking all taxi drivers are opportunist predators, but parenting frequently involves making decisions based on balancing risks, and this is one where I think my decision would be to arrange alternative transport. Prior to the recent events in my town, I most probably wouldn't have had an issue with using a licensed taxi for an unaccompanied 11 year old. It saddens me to admit that.

HaroldLloyd · 14/09/2014 18:31

There are a lot of peados out there, most of them opportunist or family friends or even relatives.

I don't believe in taking undue risks with safety but to call using a licensed cab firm with taking his reg and whatever other checks people would like to make a "gamble" is massively overstating the risks.

It's down to the individual wether or not they feel their 11 year old is ready for it, but not to use a cab just in case the driver is a predator?

It could be the bus driver, the bloke over the shop, a neighbour, a family friend offering a lift. Where would it end?

HumblePieMonster · 15/09/2014 14:12

sometimes I think that a lot of MNetters are really naive when they scoff about people thinking there is a predator on every corner, because actually there are a lot of creeps out there whether you want to believe it or not
I agree. I am convinced that mners and mn management live in a cloud cuckoo land where everything is sweet and cosy.

My impression, after nine years as a regular taxi passenger, is that drivers prefer children to be accompanied. They moan like heck about the ones who aren't.

Stupidhead · 15/09/2014 14:33

I was the one who mentioned the two cabbies earlier. The historical case was brought because he was ferrying children (one at a time so not a bus) to and from a special school in the area. Again no chaperone. I definitely did NOT want to make the assumption that all taxis drivers are x, y and z! It's just that crb checks are not always thorough and this case in particular was close to home for us.

I'd have a word with the cab form and possibly ask for a female driver if that makes you feel more comfortable? Again I'm not suggesting that ALL men are this and women aren't. It just might be nicer for the child.

Anotherchapter · 15/09/2014 17:27

Yes to humble

IfNotNowThenWhen · 15/09/2014 18:37

It's not specifically about taxi drivers as opposed to other professions. It's just the situation it puts a child in. It would be very tricky for a bus driver to groom/abuse a child. The other passengers might have something to say about it!

gordyslovesheep · 15/09/2014 18:46

and yet twice as a young woman of 14 and 16 ive had a man sit next to me and wank ...on a bus

and been felt up and followed on trains

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread