Breastfeeding prison!

[CaJaGi]

I'm a first time Mum of a 3week old DS and I'm EBF. I was really open with feeding techniques but BF just seems to be clicking and working really well so I feel I should keep going with EBF. So while technically things are going great, he's putting on weight etc, emotionally I am finding it really draining and feeling guilty for not 'enjoying' our feeds. It just leaves me feeling a little like I'm in a boobie prison - I can't move or do anything during a feed (which lasts up to an hour) and by the time I've fed and winded DS there's only an hour to go before he wants another feed so I can't fit in much. I have expressed and he will take a bottle however he wont actually settle for anybody but me and gets himself wound up which makes me feel guilty for not giving him his feed from the breast. Anyone else out there feel the pressure of EBF? Any advice?

So no one bought you a subscription to netflix then? You need to get your friends and family on MN.

In the meantime, what dvd box sets do you have?

Hang in there - it does get better but I totally understand. It is like you are totally hostage to this tiny thing that only wants your boobs all the time.
Try and make things easy for yourself - netflix, good books to read, comfy chair by the phone, drinks and snacks at the ready.

I did, the answer for me was to get out and about. I'd stick ds in the sling (live in a flat and the buggy was and still is hopelessly impractical) and go for a walk - if you're only going round the block you don't need a bag full of nappies, just a couple of quid for a coffee/phone to keep you amused/house key.

Also, make sure you've got everything you need before you sit down to feed. Your baby won't suffer because you spent two minutes making yourself a cuppa and locating the biscuits and TV remote/book/phone before you start.

The best news is that as they get bigger they get better at sucking. So the feeds become shorter. We were hour on/hour off druing the day till about 6/7 weeks then they gradually reduced. By the 4 month growth spurt, it was only the bedtime feed that was that long, the others were all 20-30 minutes. 4 months might feel like a helluva long time to wait till but it will fly by - ds is now 22m (self-weaned at 15) and it feels like the blink of an eye. Feel free not to believe me, I wouldn't have at your stage

3 weeks in is very very early. The thing with BFing is you do need to stick through those tough, boring, sometimes painful early weeks to really reap the benefits of it.

I've fed two, my eldest is now two and a half and self-weaned a couple of months ago. We had every problem going in the first three months and I didn't have a smartphone even, so those hours of being trapped under a booby baby were very dull. Kindle was good though, once I got that up and running. My youngest is just 3 months old now and she has always been a brilliantly efficient feeder so has slotted in perfectly to family life.

If nursing is going well apart from the boring marathon feeds, do keep on going, get a Kindle or a tablet up and running or the Netflix/box set suggestion is good too. Baby will soon get quicker at feeding and it'll be so worth persevering.

It's such early days for you and so you may not be able to feed hands free yet - when that all clicks in you will love bf as its guilt free you sitting time !
I am doing it now to dd2.
Best hour of my day .

If you really feel trapped and you're able to express enough for a bottle, (on odd occasions) I'd leave DH to do the feed and go for a walk round the block for 20/30 minutes. Get a coffee or something and feel a little bit your own person again.

Have area next to you with iPad/ books/ food etc so you can be half productive whilst feeding

Also look at a decent sling. The boba 4g I recommend and has strap to move to help you feed whilst baby wearing. Means you can feed easier whilst going for a walk/ in coffee shop / wherever as baby can feed/ sleep whilst you move so you are free to do what you like. Can also use in house if you want to feed whilst making lunch/ whatever

Also I don't think there's any harm in formula when needed. So you could get a bottle and ready made cartons. Then if you want to go out alone a few hours you can feed before and on return but dh will have milk at house if needed. Ie gone 3 hrs baby might not actually need any if fed before then asleep, but having it means you aren't pressured to be back.

Go get hair/ nails done and leave baby at home an hour or two.

This worked well for us. Both babies breastfed until 2 years (1 year tandem fed both!), yet had a bottle maybe once a week on average after first few weeks if I needed or wanted to be out longer than 2hrs.

Do you have company. Three weeks is really hard.
This is when you get to drink a lot of luke warm tea, and watch junk tv. Call friends and family for company, I found that mine loved to come visit but didnt want to intrude.
It does get better.

I remember those early days of long feeds well. You are doing brilliantly. Get yourself a basket that you keep some hiccups, a bottle of water or squash, your phone, TV remote, magazines, iPad etc in and get settled down for the long feeds. If your partner or a friend is about then they can do all the nappy changes etc so your just feeding, I used to give baby to DH to wind after a feed too so I couple nip to the loo.

As others have said baby won't feed for that long forever, mine is 7 months now and feeding only takes 10 mins, I actually miss the long feeds and having time to read stuff sometimes. I used to send emails on the iPad, make phone calls. The first 6 weeks are the hardest but once you have that cracked its so easy as if you want to go out you just grab the changing bag and baby and don't have to worry about bottles etc so if you decide to stay out longer than you planned it doesn't matter.

Don't feel you have to stay in either, I used to walk down to a local coffee shop when she was due a feed and sit and have a coffee, chat to people and people watch.

It will defiantly get better and quicker. Set up a little station near where you breastfeeding with water/drink you like, snack, tv remote or ipad or what ever you want.
It's a chance to relax .
Before you know it he will be a toddler rushing around and you will be thinking about the days when you could sit on the sofa feeing while stopping him hurting himself or wanting to go outside!

Three weeks is so early, eyes open baby wants feeding! Sounds totally normal but agree with pop baby in pram/ sling and go fir a walk.

I used to feed him all night feed dc3, walk his brother and sister to school, walk home and feed him. Change him, whip tgd Hoover round walk back to collect dc2 from preschool. Feed dc3 again, walk them back to get dc1 from school.

Dc3 decided at a year he didn't want bf anymore and then I could have wine sad as last baby no more bf but now have much more time!!

The best thing my lovely aunty did for me when I brought home my newborn, was to bring a carrier bag full of snacks and set up a little tub with loads of healthy and not so healthy snacks, and a large bottle of water.

I added the other things I was using, phone, lansinoh, hair ties and made sure I didn't sit down to feed without it.

Make sure you're partner isn't expecting anything done around the house, it's easy to feel you're at home for so many hours you should be doing the housework, but this should all wait for your partner. If partner is making a packed lunch for work, ask him to make you one too so you don't have to worry about making food in precious non feeding time.

By 4 weeks my dd was feeding 2.5-3 hourly so you'll get more time between feeds soon.

I personally found that learning to be comfortable feeding in public was a god send. I'd go out for a coffee knowing I'd have to feed, by about 4/5 months my dd was v nosey and bobbing on and off the boob so I was less inclined to feed out.

I read once that the thing about breastfeeding is all the work is front-loaded - in other words,the first few weeks are hard work and exhausting but the payoff is that a few months down the line it's so easy - I have a bf 8mo and it's so much easier than bottle feeding now! In fact it barely impacts on my life at all (she is feeding as I type this even...). I guess my point is that every feed you do now that lasts ages and keeps you stuck to the sofa is one more on the journey to easy street. And my mum would say it's nature's way of ensuring you get the rest you need with a tiny baby.

I hated it for the first three months.

After that it was great.

Watch tv or read a book (or go on MN!)

It took me three months to settle into breastfeeding but it was worth it. But I felt v drained like you too. I stopped after 2 years and now I run out of milk all the time and have to go out to buy it in a rush, likewise all the bottle washing is a bore.

I never used to get up in the night, I would just plug her in and then go back to sleep. Cannot do that now.

So only advice is to eat sweet things if you are feeling drained, keep a jug of water next to you and watch some tv.

The pay off is that at 3 months you don't need to prepare food or drink prior to going out and you can immediately comfort her anywhere. For me breastfeeding was the lazy mum option.

I bf 3 kids for over a year each.
Those first few weeks are not really typical. It does get much easier, and you suddenly realise that you are a in a rhythm

dd1 was my worst one hour feeds, then starting again an hour later. But by 6 weeks, she was a little pro, good feed lasting 15-20 minutes, then 3 hour til the next. You was pretty relaxed too, you could distract her to feed her late, and she was an easy easy feeder. You completely would not have expected that at the beginning when she was SOOO SLOOOW, and sleepy.

she was my second and I would have been pretty discouraged if that was my first experience, dc1 had been so different.

You really have to write of the first 4-6 weeks as settling in time. Anything you get done is a plus.

Hang in there, it will get better. Once DS starts feeding every 4 hours or more it will be a breeze. I always thought breastfeeding was easier than bottle feeding, I can't imagine having to wake up in the night and start preparing a bottle. But yes, for a while you will feel tired and bored. TV and browsing MN should do it :)

You all seem to have a very warped view of ff - I too can comfort my baby at any time as he doesn't need a bf (or suckle) to be comforted as obv not what he was use too. And really putting a tub of formula in you change bag isn't that big a deal (plenty of places will give you boiling/boiled water), esp in a city whe're you can pick up pre made so easily.
I did bf for 6 weeks and a feed station, dvds, etc (personally worked from home during feeds, did exactly the same when ff as I did one handed) are all good. And feeding out was always fine with people trying to help you feel relaxed and give you privacy.

When do they start feeding 4 hourly MrsPiggie? No one told my boys about this!

IMO the best bit about having a newborn is that you get to rest, watch TV and stay in bed all day if you want. Enjoy it with your first because it won't be quite so relaxing with your second.

It will get easier, and you'll both become more expert. I've watched my friend feed her fourth child while making sandwiches, no sitting around for her. I was of the sitting around type - phone in one hand, cake and water nearby, some awful rubbish on the TV. Right now, that sounds so brilliant.

Soon, you'll feel fine about sitting and feeding in a cafe, at someone else's house, a postnatal group - wherever. Everyone who talked about if being a front-loaded exercise is spot on. For me, I was able to feed anywhere within about six weeks - it'll happen.

Not read the full thread so sorry if I am duplicating but have you considered asking your health visitor if there is a local breastfeeding support group (they call them cafes round here) where you can meet other mums and get some support from others who are in the same situation and those who have got through it and can give you some tips?

Do you enjoy it? Can you leave ds with his dad/your mum/a friend and get out of the house? Those first few weeks are exhausting and yes there is always formula if you are not enjoying it.

Yep, that about sums up why I switched to FF, you've made it longer than me. I only lasted 3 days. :)

If you can express, I would try to get some milk stocked up so that when you need a break, you can pass the baby off to your partner. Babies will learn to settle for someone else, but you can't take them away while they're upset or it only reinforces it for both baby and partner. DD didn't settle for DH right away, but after leaving her with him, he learned how to sooth her and she learned to relax with him.

At this point, quite bluntly, newborns love anyone that feeds and holds them. It's not hard to bond with a baby, so I'd give your partner the chance to do that so it'll be easier (mostly for him to have the confidence) as the baby gets older. Think of it like training your baby. If a puppy didn't like a bath, you'd give him one anyway to get him used to it. Babies aren't much different at that age. You will need time to yourself, so you need to teach your baby to be ok without you for a bit.

All babies are different, you're the mother, blah blah blah. This is what worked for me though as far as getting baby to be comfortable with other people.

purple the OP was asking for support to get over the long feeds. Not about going to mix feeding. And no getting ff isn't always as easy as bf. I'm planning a trip to Melbourne with my new baby in March/April. (I am 39 weeks). I'm praying to god bf will work out for the new baby as DD. I don't want to faff with bottles and serialisers and premade milk on a long haul 24 flight and 3 week overseas holiday.

OP it will really get easier. The feeds will get shorter soon as everyone said. You can go out and feed while enjoying a cake or a pub meal. In the mean time, get some tv box set like sky on demand (if you aleady have sky you have on demand just need to connect to broadband), Netflix etc. Or a kindle or ipad with lots of books.