Breastfeeding prison!

[CaJaGi]

I'm a first time Mum of a 3week old DS and I'm EBF. I was really open with feeding techniques but BF just seems to be clicking and working really well so I feel I should keep going with EBF. So while technically things are going great, he's putting on weight etc, emotionally I am finding it really draining and feeling guilty for not 'enjoying' our feeds. It just leaves me feeling a little like I'm in a boobie prison - I can't move or do anything during a feed (which lasts up to an hour) and by the time I've fed and winded DS there's only an hour to go before he wants another feed so I can't fit in much. I have expressed and he will take a bottle however he wont actually settle for anybody but me and gets himself wound up which makes me feel guilty for not giving him his feed from the breast. Anyone else out there feel the pressure of EBF? Any advice?

The thing is to furnish your prison and make it nice for you - so make a brew, have a glass of cold drink nearby, tissues, phone, tablet, TV remote, book. You know all those shows you liked the look of but never get round or moss too many episodes that it's too late to catch up, the books you wanted to read - this is your chance. You can shop, look for recipes, google your interests, do a language course, do an online qualification while feeding if you have a tablet, listen to music. It needn't be awful. If it's still warm sit outside and bf and enjoy the fresh air, read a book and have a cool drink.

Thank you everybody! Just reading all your advice and support has made me look at BF in a more positive light. I have started letting him cry to get myself 'ready' for a feed rather than panic and stick him on straight away and I've mastered a new position which free's one hand (here's hoping as we get better I might even get two) I even left him with my Mum for a few hours the other day which was amazing! I think just knowing that it gets easier is enough to keep me going. Now I just have to conquer the public feeding gulp.

Whether we chose to FF or EBF there are always going to challenges, it's just finding what works best for each of our lifestyles. For me I'm going to stick at EBF for now but I appreciate everybody's point of view and advice - thanks x :O)

DD is almost 5yo now but the 3w stage must have been a bad one for feeling trapped as I vividly remember repeating "you've done 3 weeks so are half way there" as, once I'd fed for the first 24hrs and then the first 3 days, 6w was my next goal. I think it improved hugely around 5w after which I never looked back & fed DD until she was 15mth. It was always so easy to be rather than faff around with bottles. Although I would have preferred it had DD tolerated a bottle of expressed milk from time to time!
Also, when you say your DS naps for an hour, is that at home? He may go for longer if you go for a walk. I used to feed, put DD in the pram, walk 15mins into town & then mooch around the shops for bit and, after an hour or so, make the tactical decision whether I was going to walk home & hope she didn't wake or take her into Starbucks to feed her & eat carrot cake.

You should be gazing into their eyes and loving every minute. If not you're doing it right.

OOOOOR

Get netflix as pp have said. Suits is on there and it's reeeeeeally good.

Congratulations

I spent loads of time on AIBU. I spend less time on it now, as my baby feeds from me less. I now feel guilty about spending time on MN whilst feeding instead of gazing adoringly at my baby the whole time, but hey ho... It gets easier, promise.

Reading this thread I just think thank goodness for MN.

OP this is exactly how it was for me 13 years ago. I felt surely it couldn't be right, and everyone around me was (at best) also astonished by how much and often I had to feed.

I wish I'd had MN then instead of the tutting, accusatory HVs who implied I wasn't feeding properly/coping or going out enough with my bad back and my "portable" EBF baby.

It does get better, I promise, and you're doing a great job!

I think I read the entire internet during the GUANTANAMO BABY phase (I sadly cannot claim that, one of my internet pals was responsible) with both boys. Also read shedloads of stuff on the Kindle and watched so much telly that I think DS1 thought Don Draper was his real dad.

It does get much, much easier. Also I found just bunging the infant into a buggy or sling and getting out of the house for a walk/takeaway coffee when it all got a bit much (baby usually kipped) made me feel a lot more human.

I think olga has nailed it. Nothing prepares you for how intense it is keeping up with the demands of EBF. That's why you're doing awesome OP.

With dd1 watched the friends series through twice while feeding. Feeding the twins I was entertaining a 3yo so sat watching cbeebies and Disney films. Find a friend at a baby group and both go to a cafe where you can feed and enjoy a coffee cake and chat. Oh and don't worry about getting anything else done the newborn stage doesn't last long xx

I hate to say it, but 3 weeks is still early days! Probably not what you want to hear, but I would suggest that you will have it sorted by about 6-8 weeks...

I've never been that keen on expressing, I found with my first that it just added to the misery (DC1 refused to latch on till day 17, so I did a lot of expressing up to that point!), so I would suggest that unless you really need someone else to be able to give a feed, you consider taking that out of the equation (I know some books say it is vitally important!).

As soon as you feel able, try to get out of the house for long walks, it will help the baby to go longer between feeds and will give you a bit of a break (I rarely slept in the day when DC1 was little, as he liked sleeping on the move...). You ideally want baby to be properly hungry when he feeds, as he'll be more efficient, and take more...

Once you get to 6 weeks or so, really try to work on not always b**bing to sleep, and also consider trying to ensure that you feed baby on waking, rather than when he is tired, that seems to be one of the most important things when trying to teach baby to settle, if they don't always associate milk with sleep...

Oh, and get some on demand tv! I spent most of the first 4 months on the sofa with a sleeping baby on me (or wandering round the local posh private estate on my long walks, with a nice cafe towards the end of the route!) and sky+ was essential!

Good luck!

CaJaGi take each day at a time, DD was a dream to BF DS not so much, it took us a month to get to the point of not having him almost constantly latched on, he's 5 months now and we're still going strong.

As for public BF'ing find somewhere relatively quiet, like a park during school time with a bench with a nice view wear a vest that's easy to drop below your boob and a nice loose fitting cardy, you can cover up relatively easily if you need to. but the main thing is to just relax and enjoy the surounds.

its a big step, but it can be done

Oh, I think I read most of Game of Thrones on kindle! Great for the middle of the night feeds!

The first public breastfeed is worse in thought than in practise, I think we gathered the NCT mums together at one house and did it like that the very first time, but it didn't take long till we were doing it here there and everywhere!

See if you can bf in a sling. Once you get the hang of this life gets a lot easier.

Someone told me once that they were going to give up bf at four months and I was incredulous and said "why would you do that? It is a bunch easier at that point!"

Having to sit down for so long at that time is nature's way of making sure you have plenty of time to recuperate.

Also bear in mind every time you have a growth spurt you think that you are living and breathing breastfeeding, then it slows down a bit and you can do more things, then you get another growth spurt etc. For the next 18 years you are going to have a bunch of stuff to do, this is pretty much the only time when watching TV, staring at your baby and smiling for hours on end and chatting on the phone are not only ok, but encouraged for however much time you want. If you breastfeed, change nappies and make sure you eat and drink you are being the most stellar mother ever! The house may resemble a pig sty, your hair may look like a rats nest, but you are being the perfect parent by sitting around and chatting to your BF on the phone and cooing. If you explain the plot of whatever daytime soap you are watching then you are a child language expert too!

Oh also BF is very handy when you come in from the shops with DH and a bunch of groceries and you just want to sit down for a bit. "Honey, would you mind? I really need to feed the baby" (while heading for couch with TV remote).

It will stop being a prison the moment you stop thinking of it like that. I know that sounds trite and unsympathetic, but I know exactly how it feels and I can remember very clearly the moment I became free of that prison mentality and it all felt better. Stop fighting it.

Your baby is only 3 weeks old and they need you intensely to stay alive. What else is more important than that? In a very, very short space of time, this period will be over and the investment you've made will pay off and you will have far more freedom, very soon, than if you switch.

Yes, I know you feel like you can't do "anything else" right now, so stop trying to. Everything else can wait. Get DVD boxsets, books and your laptop or whatever and have them nearby while. (This is not really practical if you have other children to look after but possible for a first)

I EBF after a horrendous start and it meant that I never had to:

• wash or sterilise bottles
• pack bottles and formula if I went anywhere
• didn't need to look for places to warm milk when out
• get up out of bed or even wake up to a crying baby in the night (we co-slept)
• stand in the kitchen at 2 in the morning fixing bottles

and many, many other conveniences

You have the rest of your life to "get my life back" or "get my body back". Really, 3 weeks, 6 weeks or 9 weeks is nothing in the grabs scheme of things, it's also nothing in the first year of your child's life. You need the rest after giving birth too, so you may as well decide not to rail against it and you'll be a lot happier.

My ds is now 11 weeks and it feels less prison like now he has started interacting with me - he strokes and cuddles my boob, smiles and gurgles at me, tries to lift my top and position my boob -all very cute.

I agree with what others have said about setting up a station, Netflix and kindle. Also when you make meals cut them up into what you can manage with one hand before you start eating or have foods that only need one hand (a friend told me to buy lots of frozen pizza as you can bung it in the oven, eat it with one hand and it's ok cold) so you can feed and eat at the same time. My ds is sensitive to food packets (can sleep through all sorts of loud noise but open a packet of biscuits on the other side of the house and he wakes up ) so I put crisps/biscuits on a plate.

Also breastfeeding in public gets easier with practice - start with a park like someone said above and then move onto other public places with someone you feel comfortable with. I would start doing this now before your baby gets interested in looking around - ds has exposed more than once trying to look the opposite way/chew his fist/etc. ds always wants feeding the exact moment my food arrives in a cafe/restaurant so I cut it up and have got used to feeding in them - avoid places with fixed seating like wagamama, frankie and bennys as it's not comfortable, when being seated look for a table where you think you would be comfortable to feed and it's always handy to have a spare chair to rest your arm on.

Good luck. you're doing a fantastic job.

Once you get to 6 weeks or so, really try to work on not always b**bing to sleep
Why would anyone do that to themselves? Having a very reliable method of getting a child to sleep (mind you it wasn't the only one, I had) is ace! I never once tried to "teach" or train my child to settle, and he started sleeping consistently through the night at a year and that was it.

Have only skimmed thread, but my initial thought is that if you can hang on, try. I only bf'd my ds for 2 weeks b/c latching on and actually feeding was so tough for a variety of reasons I won't bore on about.

My point is that you don't have these issues and you are so lucky! Obv, there's nothing wrong with bottles and formula - both mine have thrived on it - but when bf'ing worked I so lived it.

Good luck :)

This is "Breastfeeding boot camp" :) You're establishing supply and putting in the groundwork. Really own those box sets

It will get better, promise.

You are already getting the 'knack' of feeding, CaJa, and the physical logistics do carry on getting easier!

I didn't breast feed any of mine for long (problems with my supply), but even in the short time I did do, I found it got so much easier to do. I remember, when ds2 was born, tucking him under my arm, like a rugby ball (it was the bf position that worked best for us), and feeding him, whilst having ds1 on my lap, with my free arm round him, holding a book and managing to turn the pages with my one free hand, so I could read to him whilst ds2 fed - so no-one felt left out!

If anyone had told me, when I started feeding ds1, that I would be able to do that, I would not have believed them!

Congratulations on your beautiful baby!

It will get better I promise. Early on I once spent 2 hours feeding DS as he was on, off, mucking about, falling asleep etc, but now it takes about 20 mins and is less frequent. He's 9 weeks.
I really quite enjoy it and often just stay as we are, all cuddled up together long after he's stopped eating.

It's a frustrating feeling, but a clever trick of nature that allows you to rest and recover from pregnancy and birth. Both my births were recovery heavy, so it was nice that the greatest job I could do for my baby was to sit and feed it. I began venturing out independently at wbout a month. Local walks with DS1 as I wasn't ready to drive, and getting back to toddler activities with DS2. Once you and baby havegot the basic latch sorted, feeding in public is easy. People just assume you're hugging a sleepy new baby. I went for feeding tops because I couldn't fit in regular clothes anyway, but something easy and layered that you can pull up and down does the job.

Been posting while my 17m old has a lovely dozy feed. These days it's my special, restful, huggy, quiet time with him. It's a great break from his lively antics!