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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm still cringing, AIBU???

59 replies

PrettyPictures92 · 13/09/2014 11:43

So long story short - I suffer from social anxiety/depression (which is getting better) and a general lack of social skills.

My DD is in primary 1 now and I don't know any of the other parents and am way too shy/nervous to say hi to anyone other than the odd smile and greeting as I pass by.

But there's this mum who waits for her daughter at the gate closest to my home and any time I pass her by I smile and say hi then carry on walking hoping she doesn't notice I've turned bright red, she seems really lovely too.

Anyway she stopped me yesterday as I was passing and said hi and told me to watch out for lice as they're going about the p1 class that her and my daughter are in. I sort of went on about how much I hate them and how they'd been in my daughters nursery class before we'd moved here and what a nightmare they are, and then forgot the name of the nursery my daughter went to. Spent a few minutes trying to recall it before she suggested the name (not in a mean or condescending way, she really was lovely). Anyway I then went, "I'm sorry I don't know you, I'm pretty pictures" and stuck out my sweaty hand for her to shake! (Is that even normal?!) Anyway she told me her name and then I kind of laughed and went "sorry I'm really awkward in social situations!"

By this point even my complete social ineptness knew how weird I was being. We chatted for a few more seconds and I went to get my daughter, completely cringing at myself.

She's going to think I'm a total nutjob right? ! Wibu to never leave the house again??

Think this was all made a 100x worse by the fact I was standing there really needing a shower (not smelly, had went for one the previous morning but the hot water was on the blink and my hair gets yuck quickly) so i was already feeling a bit embarrassed anyway.

How weird would you find it if someone had done/said that to you? Would you completely avoid them in the future? And should I just stay at home forever now to avoid inflicting my social ineptness on everyone around me??

OP posts:

notagainffffffffs · 13/09/2014 11:45

Aw love theres nothing wrong with anything you wrote! You need to stop apologising though. You're just a bit kooky thats all!

LuisSuarezTeeth · 13/09/2014 11:47

That sounds fine to me! I think you handled it really well and you have set things up really well for chatting and getting to know this lady.

Great going

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 13/09/2014 11:47

There's nothing wrong with introducing yourself!

Far better than getting friendly with her then having an awkward conversation in a few months time where you have to admit you don't know her name!

You sound lovely and I hope you've made a friend.

KoalaDownUnder · 13/09/2014 11:47

I wouldn't find it weird at all! You're being way, way too hard on yourself. Please don't become a hermit, or avoid her in future! I'm sure she thought you were perfectly lovely.

sunflower49 · 13/09/2014 11:48

I'd think nothing of any of it, apart from your saying you were awkward.

But when I say I'd think something of that, I'd be sympathetic rather than thinking you were a freak!

I certainly wouldn't avoid you.

I wouldn't avoid her if I was you, either. I'd make a point of saying hi and having something to chat about when I next saw her (something in the local news, something going on at the school, or whatever), and just try to forget about it.

Yes the shaking hands is normal IMO/E, I always offer my hand when I meet somebody new.

Wailywailywaily · 13/09/2014 11:48

If it was me you were talking to I wouldn't notice your hair for a starter, I'd be feeling exactly the same on the inside as you. I don't think you did anything odd at all.

I suspect that a lot of us feel awkward in new social settings but some of us are better at hiding it than others. Don't worry, say hi and chat to her again and you may make a friend :)

WeirdCatLady · 13/09/2014 11:48

If I'm honest, I'd've thought you were kooky too, until you commented on being awkward with social stuff. Because you admitted that she is probably thinking you were very brave to stop and talk, cos that's what I'd be thinking to. Try a smile next time you see her and take it one step at a time. Well done for having a bit of a chat :)

VashtaNerada · 13/09/2014 11:49

Really don't worry, I'm generally quite confident but that kind of unexpected conversation would throw me slightly too. If I was her I'd just assume you're a bit shy and then not think twice about it later.

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2014 11:49

I would find that quite endearing to be honest

Even people who are not socially awkward, would be able to empathise because I don't believe there isn't a single person in this world who hasn't done something cringeworthy at some point

sunflower49 · 13/09/2014 11:49

Sorry was a bit unclear, that post!When I say about what to do next time you see her, I don't mean you have to 'make up' for what you've done, I dont think you did anything wrong!I just mean it may stop your cringing and over-thinking, and may make you feel better about social situations and greetings, in future :)

todayisnottheday · 13/09/2014 11:52

You did nothing wrong! I shake hands too, it's not unusual you've made step one, initial contact! Just keep plugging away, she sounds lovely and the only way to find social situations easier is practice. Sounds like you're actually doing fine and it's your self belief that's the problem really.

Whatdoesaduckdo · 13/09/2014 11:53

I think you done well.
I too can be very shy but I am getting better thanks to lots of friendly school gate chats with other mums (it really can be a great thing but some Mn would think differently)
However my son is in his final year at primary I there are still a couple if mums who I chat to several times a week that I only know as x's mum they seem to know mine and it's gone to far to ask their name

OhMyArsingGodInABox · 13/09/2014 11:54

What you need to understand is that EVERYBODY suffers with social nerves, even the seemingly super confident people

So while you were standing there cringing at every word falling out if your mouth, she would have been doing exactly the same about herself.

You wouldn't have seemed anywhere near as kooky as you think you did. I promise.

Azquilith · 13/09/2014 11:54

I work in business and we shake hands so I do in social situations as well. Much better than that awkward 'hi nice to meet you' jiggle where you kind of work out whether you should cheek kiss, hug or do nothing. I get a bit shy too though so sometimes I have a couple of things in my head which I can say to people preplanned. How's X, or gosh the weather's funny or something inane like 'have you noticed the bin men are coming late'. Anything to prompt a chat - you say something, she says something and there you go!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 13/09/2014 11:54

You sound like me!

I am socially anxious too, if it had been me that met you I would totally understand.

Take comfort from the fact that she stopped you to talk to you and warn you nits were going about. She obviously thinks you are nice and doesn't feel uncomfortable, so next time you speak to her, remember this and relax

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2014 11:55

I'm not socially awkward but still a few weeks ago, my DS wanted his friend to sleep over.

I rang his Dad (who I had never met or spoken to before) and this is how the conversation started....

Him: "Hello?"

Me: "Is that Steve's Dad?"

Him: "Yes"

Me: "Oh hi, this is John's Dad"

Me: "OMG I mean I'm John's MUM obviously!!"

Despite sounding like an idiot with identity issues, he was still happy for his son to stay with us

CumberCookie · 13/09/2014 11:57

Oh hun, I know its hard but try not to worry about it. She probably didn't think twice about it.

Original poster

PrettyPictures92 · 13/09/2014 11:58

Kooky is a word used to describe me a lot lol (not in a bad way I don't think though).

I guess my main problem is that I have literally not talked to another person who isn't my sister/dp/immediate family or other folk such as school and nursery staff or online in a long time. I never really grew up with any social skills and the longer I've spent not talking to people in general the more I don't know how to talk to them.

But glad to see it's not as bad as I thought it was! Been inwardly cringing ever since yesterday afternoon lol. And yes, a lot of problems with my own self belief but there's a massive back story to that, will be getting councelling soon as the waiting list clears so hopefully that'll resolve it :) thanks everyone

OP posts:

diddl · 13/09/2014 11:58

Sounds fine to me.

Here it's the done thing to shake hands & introduce yourself at the first opportunity & to then shake hands or hug on saying goodbye/meeting again.

In fact if you walk into a small shop you are supposed to announce "hello/good morning/good day" & definitely on entering the Drs waiting room!

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 13/09/2014 12:00

You sound completely lovely and I don't think that sounds in the least cringeworthy just rather quirky and delightful

Be sure to chat to her again and ( hard, I do understand! ) but try not to sabotage yourself by thinking about how your hair isn't ok today or whatever, only you are conscious of that. They are just pleased to chat to a friendly new person.

diddl · 13/09/2014 12:00

Worra that made me laugh.

I wanted to talk to a mum from Kindergarten & on phoning the dad answered so I asked to speak to his wife.

It was her!!

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2014 12:02

diddl!!

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 13/09/2014 12:02

Yes, it really isn't as bad!! If she had been me I would be thinking 'thank goodness, someone else Who is like me!!'

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2014 12:05

I remember talking to my DS's head teacher for the first time.

I asked if the sports club was still open and when she said "No", I was going to say that's a shame or that's a pity, but it came out as, "Oh that's a shitty"

The worst thing was I was too embarrassed to explain what I meant, so I just walked away

Original poster

PrettyPictures92 · 13/09/2014 12:06

Worra diddle

OP posts:

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