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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm still cringing, AIBU???

59 replies

PrettyPictures92 · 13/09/2014 11:43

So long story short - I suffer from social anxiety/depression (which is getting better) and a general lack of social skills.

My DD is in primary 1 now and I don't know any of the other parents and am way too shy/nervous to say hi to anyone other than the odd smile and greeting as I pass by.

But there's this mum who waits for her daughter at the gate closest to my home and any time I pass her by I smile and say hi then carry on walking hoping she doesn't notice I've turned bright red, she seems really lovely too.

Anyway she stopped me yesterday as I was passing and said hi and told me to watch out for lice as they're going about the p1 class that her and my daughter are in. I sort of went on about how much I hate them and how they'd been in my daughters nursery class before we'd moved here and what a nightmare they are, and then forgot the name of the nursery my daughter went to. Spent a few minutes trying to recall it before she suggested the name (not in a mean or condescending way, she really was lovely). Anyway I then went, "I'm sorry I don't know you, I'm pretty pictures" and stuck out my sweaty hand for her to shake! (Is that even normal?!) Anyway she told me her name and then I kind of laughed and went "sorry I'm really awkward in social situations!"

By this point even my complete social ineptness knew how weird I was being. We chatted for a few more seconds and I went to get my daughter, completely cringing at myself.

She's going to think I'm a total nutjob right? ! Wibu to never leave the house again??

Think this was all made a 100x worse by the fact I was standing there really needing a shower (not smelly, had went for one the previous morning but the hot water was on the blink and my hair gets yuck quickly) so i was already feeling a bit embarrassed anyway.

How weird would you find it if someone had done/said that to you? Would you completely avoid them in the future? And should I just stay at home forever now to avoid inflicting my social ineptness on everyone around me??

OP posts:

Maisyblue · 13/09/2014 12:08

prettypictures.....you sound lovely and if I was the the other mum I'd have warmed to you instantly. I hope she becomes your friend, and remember, it's not the loud over confident ones that people feel at ease with, it's someone like you.

Matildathecat · 13/09/2014 12:08

I think you've made a friend.

Next time you can just say 'hi xx, good weekend?' Or just hi. All fine.

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2014 12:09

See and I swear I'm not socially awkward!

So don't worry about it OP, we all blurt out crap and do odd things at times. I'm sure that Mum has also

strawberryangel · 13/09/2014 12:10

You sound lovely. I come across as confident but struggle inside. You'd have put me at ease by admitting you were nervous!

WowserBowser · 13/09/2014 12:16

A lot of what you said resonates with me! I am awkward and replay conversations in my head etc.

I have a lot of ace friends but none of them particularly liked me at first. I'm an acquired taste!

I always feel more comfortable with people like yourself. Maybe she's sat at home replaying the conversation in her head and cringing at what she said!

LinghamStyle · 13/09/2014 12:16

I would think I've just met myself

I go from being silent but with a nod and a smile for weeks in end, to having an outpouring of verbal nonsense. My eldest is in P5 now so most parents and teachers are used to me now.

littledrummergirl · 13/09/2014 12:19

You did fine. If I was the other mum I would probably want to take you under my wing. Saying hi when I see you and looking to introduce you to others.
If she is as nice as she seemed I think you have made a friend.

FindoGask · 13/09/2014 12:23

You were totally fine. In that woman's shoes, I would have found you immediately likeable.

I can empathise. Since returning to work (having been at home for four years with my youngest) I've found that I seem to be suffering from a touch of social anxiety too. I am very self-conscious a lot of the time, find prolonged one-to-one conversations with colleagues uncomfortably intense (to the extent that I feel a strong urge to run away) and can get awful sudden blushing attacks, which are self-perpetuating because I now start worrying I can feel one coming on, which is enough to trigger one even if I'd been OK before. These are the worst actually - they're so humiliating. I feel I do a good job of hiding how I'm feeling a lot of the time, but the blushing is a total giveaway and I worry I'm making other people feel uncomfortable too - people I like and want to be able to work alongside without any issues.

I'm better in a group so long as the focus isn't totally on me. I'm hoping it'll somehow get better on its own? I haven't always been this way, though I guess I am naturally quite introverted.

spiderlight · 13/09/2014 12:27

You sound exactly like me! I have terrible social anxiety and get in a complete knot about the most trivial of interactions, so if I'd been the other mum I would have been massively relieved to meet a kindred spirit! It took me until Easter of my son's Reception year to actually start a conversation with another mum in the playground so you're doing far better than I did!

Wishfulmakeupping · 13/09/2014 12:32

Please don't worry OP sounds absolutely fine. I often replay conversations in my mind and worry about whether I've said the right thing or not do I can empathise but honestly you sound lovely don't worry :)

Meemoll · 13/09/2014 12:47

I can only wish that there were mums as friendly as you at my son's school gates. Don't be so hard on yourself for making an effort! You did fab and I'm sure she'll appreciate the fact that you said anything at all. I am exactly the same as you, I make social gaffs all the time and people avoid me like the plague.

feelingmellow · 13/09/2014 12:48

I wouldn't have thought anything of it and just walked off thinking 'nice mum'.
I agree with the poster who said next time you see her say 'hi. nice weekend?'
Is her dc in the same class as yours? You could ask her how her dc is settling in this term.

Jennifer11 · 13/09/2014 12:49

I can completely see myself doing that - I'm a bit awkward too. Certainly not the worst thing in the world though. Try to forget it and just try again :)

Alisvolatpropiis · 13/09/2014 12:51

What you have written sounds fine to me!

MangoBiscuit · 13/09/2014 12:52

I haven't read all the posts, sorry, very bad form I know. I just wanted to add that I also think you sounded lovely. I would happily stop and chat to you again in the other mum's shoes.

Mandatorymongoose · 13/09/2014 13:40

People who don't know me would always describe me as confident and friendly, my job involves meeting lots of new people and from the feedback I get they always think I'm incredibly laid back.

From my side though OP I feel like you. I think I talk too much, I get sweaty hands when I'm nervous and panic about shaking hands despite often doing it when I introduce myself. I replay stupid stuff I've said in my mind and think people must think I'm nuts.

So I'd be willing to place a bet you didn't come across anywhere near as kooky as you feel like you did. Deep breath, friendly smile and say Hi next time you see her, opening with a question gives you a minute to calm down into the conversation and let's other people know you're interested in them and their thoughts.

Good luck with your new friend .

NynaevesSister · 13/09/2014 13:41

Somewhere there's another parents forum where someone is posting about this really lovely lady who always takes the time to smile and so hi to me, so today I finally got the courage to start up a conversation and OMG it was about nits. Honestly I don't know what happened to my brain, that's just all I could think of to say. And then I was so struck dumb I couldn't say anything at all so left the poor woman to hold the entire conversation on her own. Then cringe I jumped in like a huge know it all with the name of the nursery HER daughter went to. I could have just died of embarrassment and it must have been totally obvious because she went to great lengths to talk about how socially awkward she was! The woman holding the entire conversation while I stood there like a lemon. But that did make me feel so much better. So I don't know, I just hope I can talk to here again and not have to move to John O'Groats out of social embarrassment.

Or maybe something like that

MammaTJ · 13/09/2014 14:00

Worra, report them to SS, they clearly do not care about their child's welfare!

OP, it was fine and the next conversation you have with her will be easier. She probably thinks you are lovely. You may even become friends!

EssexGurl · 13/09/2014 16:19

I think you did well introducing yourself. When DD started reception she was invited to a party in the second term. I walked straight past the child's mother as I hadn't realised who she was. I thought their nanny was the mother. I chat to the nanny all the time. I made a right fool of myself and the mum is still funny with me.

You took control of the situation and introduced yourself which is fab!

SkimWordsSuck · 13/09/2014 17:06

I think you sound very likable.

Once I realised that no one cares if I blush it made life a lot easier. I might still blush on occasion but it doesn't bother me so much.

There are lots of people that like shy quiet people. I'm one of them. If you had said hi to me in the way you did I would have warmed to you.

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 13/09/2014 18:00

Im friends with a few people just like you.

One in particular and I love her quirkiness and she is really awkward in social situations, I find it endearing.

I don't think you did anything wrong at all, you explained out right that you are uncomfortable in social situations or words to that effect.

You did fine.

ginslinger · 13/09/2014 18:27

I don't see anything kooky or odd about what you did. I wish more people in England introduced themselves (I've lived in germany too long i think - we all shake hands and give our name)

TerrariaMum · 13/09/2014 18:40

If I were her, I would be thinking 'Someone who understands, hurrah!' and kicking myself for not getting your contact details.

mommy2ash · 13/09/2014 18:50

embrace your social ineptness. if I were the mum i would have had a laugh with you not at you. everyone has their own weird thing nobody is perfect. I bet the next time you talk to her it won't be half as hard

PersonOfInterest · 13/09/2014 18:56

I met a Mum like this about 2 years ago at the school my dc attend.

She's one of my best mates now. She's honestly, awesome and funny and I love that she's a bit different at times. We're just texting now. I haven't met someone so great in years.

Chin up pretty! Different is good!

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