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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed over lie in

57 replies

morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:06

My Dh sometimes says he will look after DD in the mornings so I can have a lie in, but doesn't put in the effort to make it work. DD gets bored within minutes and asks for me. He doesn't really play with her, often on his laptop, and waits too late before taking her out (and then forgets coat, drink, etc).

He's not a stupid man but it's like he can't be bothered to put the effort in to make things work. He would need to properly turn his attention 100% to her to make it good, but I think he thinks she will just tick along like other things in the house. He won't tempt her to do things or make it sound good, so she just asks for me instead. I do explain to him and he sees me do it, but it's like he just can't be bothered in the morning. But I think it's unrealistic for a two year old to play on their own for a couple of hours while you're on laptop/radio/doing chores. Needless to say I get her dressed, do hair, teeth, breakfast etc. on these days.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 13/09/2014 09:07

How old is DD?

MrsWinnibago · 13/09/2014 09:08

Ah sorry! I see she's 2. Well...I don't think YABU at all. Maybe try suggesting specific things the night before...things you know she will like...maybe a DVD? Or painting? I'd leave dough out or something....

Humansatnav · 13/09/2014 09:09

How old is dh would be a better question. Surely a grown man can deal with his own child for a morning? YANBU

Original poster
morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:09

He gets v annoyed when I suggest things -- says I am criticising him... argh!

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Original poster
morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:10

haha human satnav.

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Original poster
morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:12

Also he wouldn't be bothered to do face painting or play dough -- DVD he would love as could be on his laptop next to her.... He can be quite good but it's like he won't bend to the needs of the child, and still expects his morning to be about radio and coffee, and not going anywhere before 9.

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katandkits · 13/09/2014 09:13

Of course you are criticising him. Because he is being shit. If he stops being so rubbish he won't have to worry about criticism.

Humansatnav · 13/09/2014 09:15

Hmm, what would happen if you stayed out and he had no choice but to deal with dd's needs ?

Flexibilityisquay · 13/09/2014 09:15

YANBU. That would really annoy me! I was going to suggest he could maybe take her out somewhere for an hour or two but I see he doesn't like going anywhere before 9. It is a shame as this could be a lovely chance for them to spend one to one time together.

Spadequeen · 13/09/2014 09:16

Tell him if he wasn't so shit you wouldn't criticise him!

I'd get up early and go out for the day, by yourself. Not a lie in a know, but the two of them need to figure it out, that you're not always gonna be there to do everything

Original poster
morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:17

He has gone out now. But he is BU to think not to take her anywhere before 9. When it's reversed I take her on long pram walk to bakery to get us all a croissant!! He's so stubborn. He won't copy what I do/take advice.

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AtrociousCircumstance · 13/09/2014 09:21

How frustrating. Lazy selfishness on your DH's part.

I know it's not a lie in, but how about getting up and dressed (and NOT getting your DD ready) and vanishing off to a nice cafe with a book and your ipad or whatever for the whole morning?

Leave him to it. And don't tell him where you're going.

Or tell him he won't be getting a lie in until you get a proper lie in yourself - and really spell out what this means in terms of caring for your child.

Tell him his lack of care makes it seem like he doesn't give a shit about your needs or DD's.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/09/2014 09:22

X post with spadequeen Smile

GroupieGirl · 13/09/2014 09:22

I don't think it's particularly unreasonable not to want to be up and out of the house for a walk before nine at the weekend!

Original poster
morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:24

That is a good idea. I could go swimming and to a cafe. I think I'll try that next time. But I care about DD and will make sure she's dressed/fed first.

I just don't know why he can't sort it out. If she's up at 7, he needs to pull on his clothes, breakfast, play and out by 8ish if I'm to have any sort of lie in, and he needs to be full of energy while doing it.

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DialsMavis · 13/09/2014 09:25

Nothing apart from a flight to catch would get me up and out of the house before 9am at the weekend! YABU on that. But he should keep her quiet and amused so that you can sleep

dreamingbohemian · 13/09/2014 09:26

Sorry but I never take DS out before 9 on the weekends -- I don't think that's unreasonable.

I think you need to clarify what your goal is: is it to get a lie in without being disturbed, or is it for him to do the same thing as you? Surely there can be some compromise -- she can watch a DVD for a bit while he does his coffee wakeup routine, then he can take her out or do something with her.

MyFirstName · 13/09/2014 09:27

Do NOT make sure she is dressed/fed first. If you swoop in an do everything for her (for him) then how will he ever learn/take responsibility.

Leave the weetabix (or whatever) bowl and her cup out. He can give her breakfast. If she isn't dressed by the time you get back then meh...who cares.

Do not pander to him.

Original poster
morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:27

I love how the YABU-ers are later to the thread... you really were asleep until 9! Grin

I should emphasise that while I am annoyed this morning I generally love my DH and he's a good man.

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clabsyqueen · 13/09/2014 09:28

I'm sorry you're putting up with this but you're not alone.
I'm currently having a "lie-in" because I have a stinking horrible cold. This is my first illness in 3 years and probably my second attempt at a lie-in.

So far I have had to go and see to my 2 daughters (age 3 and 1) in the front room at least 8 times since 6am. Unchanged nappies, lost tv remotes, hungry baby without breakfast. Dad fast asleep on the couch. I'm fuming. I've threatened to call social services. To report his neglect. He obviously thinks I'm a miserable nagging cow.

clabsyqueen · 13/09/2014 09:28

So no -YANBU!!

cornflakegirl · 13/09/2014 09:29

Which is more important to you, the lie-in, or that DH plays with DD the way that you do? If it's the former, why not just stock up on DVDs if you think that would work? Just because he does things differently from you doesn't make him wrong.

BigfootFiles · 13/09/2014 09:29

"He won't copy what I do"

I agree he sounds like he's not making a huge effort, but surely he needs to find his own path with his child? Not everyone is good at the "making/doing" stuff, but their strengths lie in other areas. I'm unclear whether your problem is that he doesn't keep her out of your way in the morning, or whether your problem is the 'quality of the activity'? What would happen if he says "no, Mummy's sleeping" when she's asking for you? It's not the worst thing in the world for DC to be bored for a bit. They need to learn to entertain themselves, too.

It's not being unreasonable to not take her out before 9, btw! Sounds like your expectations are rather high, or do you just want him out the house so you can't hear your DD?

dreamingbohemian · 13/09/2014 09:29

If she's up at 7, he needs to pull on his clothes, breakfast, play and out by 8ish if I'm to have any sort of lie in, and he needs to be full of energy while doing it.

Wow. Sorry but if my partner told me I HAD to do this, I'd be saying no fucking way. He should keep her quiet and amused so she doesn't go wake you up but however he does that should be up to him.

Original poster
morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:31

Oh dear clabsyqueen! Wine (that's a tixylix and Tia Maria)

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