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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell ex that he smells?

64 replies

PPaka · 13/09/2014 08:39

Separated, but he's still in the house?
Last night he fell asleep on the couch- a frequent occurence. I told him to go to bed- please don't sleep on the couch.
Then I got a load of abuse, couldn't believe I was having a go at him- he's really tired-blah blah.

The reason I hate him going to sleep on the couch is that he leaves a horrible smell- he sweats a lot when asleep.
I've washed the cushions a couple of times in the last couple of months.
It makes me want to vomit.
It's a horrible sweaty head smell, not bo.

OP posts:
worriedmum100 · 13/09/2014 08:43

Yuk. YANBU. But rather than tell him he smells I'd be telling him to move out! Im more concerned about his abusive response. I'm sure you have a reason for him still being there (financial maybe? but sounds like it's time to move on.

Original poster
PPaka · 13/09/2014 09:10

Well yes, I asked him to move out in January
We can't do that just yet

My question is do I accept the abusive rant, or tell him exactly why and hope that shuts him up

OP posts:
londonrach · 13/09/2014 09:13

That sound abit mean and rude. If you split up just ask him to to move out or move out yourself then the problem is sorted

figgypuddings · 13/09/2014 09:18

Do you have a garden? He could pitch a tent and stink outside.
I'm concerned about his abusive response. Why wait until January?

morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:20

I think just write off the couch. It's worth it in the long run.

Imagine it has transformed into a magical portal by which he exits your life -- but which will combust after the transfer is complete!!

Original poster
PPaka · 13/09/2014 09:22

The couch is new Sad
I got in in April, thinking he was leaving then.
I'm happy to write off the cushions

Last January I asked him to move
Been living in hell since

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/09/2014 09:23

Could you maybe cover it up with something for the meantime?

SignYourNameInBrownAndFlame · 13/09/2014 09:23

Does he have form for listening to your concerns, taking them seriously and acting on them...?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 13/09/2014 09:23

stbx does this - very sweaty at night. Not sure why, but his pillow was always damp and smelly. I had to replace it regularly when he was living here. And you couldn't get the smell out with washing. urgh.

I think the best approach, however, in this situation is to just tell him to move out.

morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:26

January? He's tarried too long. Tell him to move out now and that as a special bonus deal he can take the couch with him, if he's out by the end of September!

NameChange30 · 13/09/2014 09:26

Wtf, you asked him to move out in January and he's still there?! Is it your house or joint ownership/tenancy? If it's your house kick him out. Seriously. If he refuses just change the locks when he's out at work. Pack up his stuff and leave it outside the door. This is not about the sofa, it's about boundaries and the end of the relationship.

Fairylea · 13/09/2014 09:33

Why can't he move out yet?

Put a really, really strong smelling air freshener in the room hidden somewhere so the smell drives him insane and makes him want to go somewhere else.

morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:33

Why not list the couch on actual couchsurfing.com? Perhaps a handsome drifter viz. Bradd Pitt from Thelma and Louise will turn up and displace STBXH.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/09/2014 09:34

Why is he still there?

RedRoom · 13/09/2014 09:41

If he's been on your sofa between 7-9 months after you split, then that is plenty of time for him to find a place and get out. Why can he not do this? You are hinting at some sort of obstacle but without us knowing what that is, the situation seems ridiculous. He's an adult and not your responsibility. If you don't want him on your sofa, don't have him on it. It's not clear why you are putting up with it.

Original poster
PPaka · 13/09/2014 09:57

Signyourname- haha to taking my concerns seriously!

He's not sleeping on the couch permanently, he has a bedroom here.
He just falls asleep on it.

I introduced a rule that he couldn't during the day because it wasn't fair that we had to tiptoe around him, that was years ago.

He can't move for financial reasons, he will have funds in Dec. it's bollocks, but unfortunately I can't stop him spending money.

It's just something that is really driving me crazy and it does affect the furniture, but I don't know whether it's a battle I should fight right now

OP posts:
Notacs · 13/09/2014 09:58

Oh that's horrible and YANBU!

morerogermore · 13/09/2014 09:59

Oh dear! V annoying then. Does he work? Sounds like he is depressed. Do you have Dc?

Notacs · 13/09/2014 10:00

Also I don't know if it's just my DH but he leaves a sort of fuggy man smell when he's been asleep. I don't like it and wouldn't want the house smelling of it. Mine sometimes doesn't open the curtains in the morning and the room STINKS. Even if it's cold I open the curtains and the window (I never draw them personally as were not overlooked anyway!)

londonrach · 13/09/2014 10:05

Just change the locks if the house is yours either in mortgage or rented. He had long enough. Dont mention the smell. Thats petty and reduces you to someone you are not, just get him out. Its september and this has been going on since january. His funds (unless connected to you re morgage etc) are not your concern. Bag up his stuff and change the locks.....

morerogermore · 13/09/2014 10:06

Tell him because the sofa is new/expensive you have decided there will be a new rule: no drinking on or near the sofa. Will that deter him? I wonder if he stinks/falls asleep because of one too many.

figgypuddings · 13/09/2014 10:10

I would be sceptical of his claims that he will have money in December, it is almost a year since you asked him to move out. The situation sounds easy for him and if you want him out then listen to the others and change the locks, dump his stuff and the couch outside.

morerogermore · 13/09/2014 10:10

Yes, basically he has to cope with whatever money he has. That's his lifestyle now, end of.

OldF0ssil · 13/09/2014 10:13

sympathies, horrible situation.. who cares how much money he doesn't have.

I wouldn't mention the smell but come downstairs and open the windows.

HavanaSlife · 13/09/2014 10:16

Id tell him why, is the hoise in both your names? If not id just kick him out.

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