To tell ex that he smells?

[PPaka]

Separated, but he's still in the house?
Last night he fell asleep on the couch- a frequent occurence. I told him to go to bed- please don't sleep on the couch.
Then I got a load of abuse, couldn't believe I was having a go at him- he's really tired-blah blah.

The reason I hate him going to sleep on the couch is that he leaves a horrible smell- he sweats a lot when asleep.
I've washed the cushions a couple of times in the last couple of months.
It makes me want to vomit.
It's a horrible sweaty head smell, not bo.

Is it your home or joint? If it's yours, I agree with figgy, turf him out. I don't think telling him he's sweaty and smelly will make him change his habits tbh.

This always perplexes me. Why is it HE has to move out? OP, you've not given us enough detail here!

Also, as to the suggestion of changing the locks and dumping his stuff..... isn't that highly abusive? What if he did that to you?

Most bizarre.

It's your couch, and he's lounging around on it?

He needs to move out, who cares if he hasn't got any money? His problem.

Lots of women leave. I had to. He wouldn't have KILLED me if I'd try to stay in 'his' house. But not all men are as abusive as my x. Some xhs want their children to remain in the family home and I dated a divorced man who wanted his children to continue to go to the same school and continue to be near their friends, and continue to be able to call home home. But that's the difference between a selfish man and a good man / father.

I mean he would have.

Put a throw on the sofa, and don't engage with him, concentrate on getting him out.

Babycham, the OP is on the receiving end of abuse. She has asked her ex to move out several months ago and he sounds horrible.

Dumping his stuff may be the only way he gets the message. He does sound like he is using a promised load of money coming in as an excuse to stay. OP cannot get on with her life until the stinker leaves. A whiffy sofa seems the least of her problems.

Get a really loud and strong smelling can of air freshner and just spray the room every single time you enter it, while complaining loudly about the fetid smell

Huge fight erupted
Should have bitten my tongue and not said a word

Any slight comment I make ends up with him turning it all round on me
He's actually just blamed me for his fucking around

I walked away
I'm going out now

If he won't stop spending money - and will have funds in December - presumably he'll spend those too and be unable to leave still having spent all his money?

I wouldn't like this at all but I wouldn't live with an ex. Do you have children together? If so, they will be listening to these fights and that's not good.

I think you have to decide once and for all that he goes - or you do - and stick to it. You're the one that will have to make the decision though and act on it depending on what he says. Start again.

Tell him you can't wait and he will have to put upon his friends or relatives .

Ps what is situation - house rented? Owned? Who by? Are there dc?

If the house is yours then bin bags and a lock smith seem the best way to go, he is your ex FGS, it's not your problem where he lives.

He clearly likes being under your nose so he has you there to blame for everything......

Cover the sofa in plastic that will make him sweat!

House is jointly mortgaged
One child
He has no family or friends he could go to.
It's not that easy to get someone out of the house if they don't want to go
We will know in November what our financial position will be, and there will be funds in Dec for him to get a rented place.
I can't leave, I have no money.

He is an absolute nightmare
I despise him, but I'm not even allowed to express that opinion, or all hell breaks loose.
He's a very nasty man, and in more lucid moments he knows it and acknowledges how bad his behaviour is
The rest of the time everything is my fault.

Fuck,disengage. Could you sell up? I realise that takes time & money but I doubt he'll leave at all.

Sell the house, buy own if can move on....

I'm very happy to sell up
And I think it's very slowly sinking in with him that that's the best option.
But we need to know details of money to enable us to make decisions- I'm talking bonus-promotion, so we know remortgage details and what is possible

Occupation order

If the house is jointly mortgaged but you have no money, is he paying the mortgage? If so why would he move out and not you? If you can't afford to live separately and keep the house, just sell the house and split the money.

If you have a child together and he has an income, I guess he will have to pay you child support. But that won't be enough for you to live on. How are you going to support yourself?

If you're financially dependent on him that would explain why you're still living with him despite his abuse and despite splitting up in January! You need to make your financial independence a priority so you can get free of him.

Basically- we can't make long term financial decisions without knowing what could happen in 2 months

But he's also not very aware of legalities, although he says he's seen a solicitor. He is under the impression that if I get a job he will have to pay less in child maintenance.
So it's very difficult to convince someone like that of the best way forward.

Since it seems you are in a 'residency stalemate' I'd go buy a cheap plastic sofa cover to put on first, then put a cheap slipcover over it. Won't stop him, but may save the sofa.

Emma- he's the one that doesn't want to sell the house

He is paying the mortgage, yes I am financially dependent on him.
Yes, obviously I do not want to be.
I have been trying to get a job for a long time.
Trust me, I want it !

It sounds like a difficult situation, sorry to hear it.
You might find some useful advice on the MN divorce/separation forums: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation and on the Money Advice Service website: www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/categories/divorce-and-separation
From your posts I don't think you're married? In which case the divorce stuff won't be relevant, but there is also lots of relevant advice about mortgages, living arrangements and child support.
You might also be able to get advice from you local Citizens Advice Bureau?
Good luck getting the practicalities sorted out, and keep going with the job search, you WILL find something!