To ask how you'd feel if your midwife asked you this question?

[SeattleGraceMercyDeath]

I'm a midwife at a large unit currently going for BFI status and we have been instructed to ask all women regardless of their stated intentions if they want to give their baby a breastfeed.

So even if a woman comes in very clear in their mind that they want to bottle fees and for whatever reason they don't want to breastfeed we have to ignore that and ask them if they will offer a breastfeed instead.

I have had a heated debate with the breastfeeding coordinator as I refuse to do it as I feel it will undermine my relationship with the bottle feeding women I look after.

So if you have made the decision to bottlefeed how would you feel if your midwife ignored that information and instead asked you to give your baby a first breastfeed, would you as the coordinator feels, think that you might have your mind changed or would you think 'that midwife hasn't listened to a word I say' and feel under pressure or made to feel guilty.

I'm prepared to have my mind changed but it just feels so wrong to me!

I was all ready to be challenged on my decision not to BF. I had a speech planned and everything.

I was asked "do you plan to BF or FF" I said "FF" she wrote that down, and that was that. No need for the speech. Never asked again at any point by any HCP.

I found bf the hardest thing as a first time mum. Then again, the hardest thing as a second time mum. I think there needs to be more discussion in pg about it, how hard it can be, the pros & cons & send pg women to bf groups where they can actually watch & learn from other (willing to allow them to watch), mums & talk about it in real terms. Also before they have the stress of a screaming newborn & time to absorb info. If someone doesn't want to do it, encouraging them to think about expressing colostrum for a first feed should be done before birth to give them time to think about options. It's not black & white.

It's too late after the birth to tackle the issue if someone doesn't want to do it or is scared from previous bad experience. It can be different with different babies & I don't get why hcps push at this stage rather than during pg.

Also, my ds was admitted to hospital a few times in his first 4 years & repeatedly each time they asked was he bf? Yes. Then, exclusively for 6 months? No, EBF for 6 weeks then mixed until 8 months.....how is that going to help or hinder a sick child at this stage? My point there started being that hcps always seem to ask the same qs a pike of times & often I don't see the relevance!

I think if it hasn't been discussed prior to birth then I'd be fine with being asked "Do you want to breast feed?" When I had DD I'd stated that I;d be bottle feeding, but in theatre after she was born one of the nurses said "we'll just weigh her then get her latched on" and I had to point out my intentions.

Could you maybe ask if they want help with the first feed? That gives the mother the lead on the conversation, and she can either say "Oh yes can you get us a bottle" or ask for help with latching on.

If I had already stated my intention to bottle feed and you said "I'm sorry, but I'm obliged to ask..." I would question your aptitude. I appreciate how large organisations such as the NHS work, but - especially in a field such as midwifery - the human aspect is almost as important as the scientific/medical aspect. If you were not able to perform that part of your profession adequately (and I would consider "I want to formula feed" followed by "I'm sorry but I have to ask..." inadequate), then I would have a lack of faith in your abilities.

You have a discretion to exercise based on your basic ability to listen. It would ultimately lead to a happier patient and a better result for you.

Fuck the bureaucracy. They don't know what they're talking about.

Yabu. It's your professional duty to promote BF.

Storm, coral. Totally justified.

I would get very cross as due to medication I can't and it would be dangerous for my baby which they should be aware of. I go very psychotic without it and am high risk for after birth meaning I need support in taking my Meds religiously and bottle feeding. I imagine I may find it upsetting due to emotions running high as breastfeeding is something I've wanted to do, though can't.

A friend of mine was sexually abused and this involved her breasts, pressure to breastfeed left her suicidal as emotionally she could not face anyone touching her breasts, not even her baby and was constantly reminded by people asking her If she'd considered feeding and trying to change her mind. She did not want to recount this information constantly either so many would not have known the reason.

Of course breastfeeding is better but not all of us can and we need support too.

Sorry i haven't read the whole thread but I wouldn't have a problem with this, it's just giving you the option to try it - i know before i had my son i was a bit squeamish about breastfeeding but i was willing to give it a go. You don't know how you feel until the baby arrives. The worst question my midwife asked me was whether my husband had any other children and then when i said no proceeded to ask for his full name and date of birth as it had to be checked - i was speechless and have been angry ever since.

Sorry haven't rtft.
If I'd have heard: would you like to try a breast feed?
I'd have said: no thanks.
(I think this conversation actually happened)
If I'd have heard: sorry about this, my boss wants me to ask you if you'd try a breast feed.
My reaction would have been:

Well I think it's a totally stupid question to bf or ff.

Wait until babies born and then assist the mother in facilitating the feed of her choice.

It's not something that needs to be written down or agonised over before the birth as women can and do change their minds several times but just need support of their choices.

The BF councellor sounds a twat.

Also if I told you I was planning to ff and you them said but do you want to bf I would assume you were either deaf or daft. Or worse not interested enough to listen to me.

What would happen if someone was very annoyed at being asked more than once, and refused to answer?

Ou could write "declined to answer"

betty I'm feeling on your behalf.

What exactly was that meant to be about?