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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be annoyed about this letter from DDs teacher?

156 replies

MrsWinnibago · 12/09/2014 22:11

DD is in year 2...she's been having extra help for reading since year 1. we discovered she needed glasses at the start of year one and so had lost most of reception due to not seeing well at all.

So the extra help has been great and she's making progress.

I got a letter tonight, typed something like this

"Dear parent, SmallWinni is going to be having some extra reading practice with a volunteer named Tanya. She will cover x and y and z and the books will be different to the ones she fetches home. We hope that Elizabeth enjoys her extra reading time."

Confused

"Elizabeth" is actually a friend of my DDs so I assume she is also benefiting from the kind volunteer's time. But....isn't it a bit crap to make mistakes like this? For all the teacher knows, I don't want other parents knowing my DD has/needs extra help...and Elizabeth's mum might feel that way too.

As it happens I'm not ashamed of DD needing extra help so if the other child's letter includes my DDs name I don't mind but the letter COULD have had very personal info in it!

Shall I say something and what?

OP posts:
MrsPiggie · 12/09/2014 22:51

By all means ask the teacher if it was meant for you or another parent. But there's no point in making a big deal out of it. It happens in all walks of life. I once got someone else's payslip. And when I was in uni I got letters concerning a different student with a similar name.
This letter isn't such a big deal. It shouldn't happen, but it did. It's not like they've got a history of getting things wrong and it happens all the time, as far as you know, is it?

ILovePud · 12/09/2014 22:51

I don't think for a minute that raising this will lead to 'reprisals', I just think that school home relationships work best when there's some flexibility and understanding on both sides. Of course you're free to do what you want but you've posted on AIBU and so people are offering their opinions and thoughts on how they'd handle the situation, you may choose to ignore what others think and that's fine, I think people are trying to offer constructive input though, sorry if you feel goaded, that's certainly not my intent.

ilovesooty · 12/09/2014 22:51

There are always reasons people make mistakes and I've made mistakes myself but these are reasons NOT excuses

I agree with that. FWIW if I did that in my job I'd be in trouble.

RebelRobin · 12/09/2014 22:51

MrsWinnibago I think you need to get over it love, teachers work bloody hard looking after your children. Don't sweat the small stuff eh?

Notacs · 12/09/2014 22:52

Honestly, I don't see much complaining, and any complaining I do see is generally shouted down.

The only complaints that are upheld, if you like, are ones relating to special needs (observation not criticism.)

I made a mistake at work 2 weeks ago; I gave a lady night time meds instead of morning, no massive harm done but she had a sleeping tablet at 7 am Blush

It was chucking down with rain, she was one of 7 people I had to see, and I'd been up half the night with baby dd. All good reasons as to why it happened and I didn't get told off or anything but i was gently told what I'd done.

I'm a LOT more careful now as a result.

Why is that in any way a bad thing?

Noodledoodledoo · 12/09/2014 22:52

There is also the possibility that the teacher didn't even write the letter and it was done by the office. So bear that in mind before you accuse them of being sloppy.

Point it out but don't make it into something bigger than it is. If your daughter has told you the other girl is going to the sessions its hardly a state secret.

Notacs · 12/09/2014 22:55

I have to be honest here and say if my DS needed extra help, I would not really, ideally,want other parents to know. I wouldn't be ashamed or anything but I know my son and I know he'd want to keep that sort of thing private.

So I would be put out. Very, very marginally and I would sympathise with the teacher but a gentle heads up doesn't make someone a picky arse Hmm

Most teachers are on around £35,000 p/a. For that sort of money they can get a name on a letter right - sorry.

ilovesooty · 12/09/2014 22:56

Honestly, I don't see much complaining

I'm afraid I do. 3 weeks back and teacher/school bashing is in full swing as far as I can see.

Notacs · 12/09/2014 23:01

It's probably just I've missed those threads :) I obviously take your word for it!

But I don't know, I just feel that people get very defensive over this topic and usually there's no need. When I was teaching I used to have parents apologise profusely for getting in touch and I had to keep saying honestly, it's fine. I never minded a parent asking something - if they were nice, why would I? As with most things it's how it's done.

I'm always lovely to DS's teachers as I do know they work very hard for him. His previous ones were lovely ladies. I'm not as keen on the one this year in a personal level but I respect the work she does for him. But I will get in touch if there's something I want to know or check! I am far from a pita parent but I would absolutely politely raise something like this.

noblegiraffe · 12/09/2014 23:02

Would you back off, Notacs, if it was the office staff who are not on £35k who did the letter?

Although I'm not sure how higher wages should be expected to make a person infallible.

Permanentlyexhausted · 12/09/2014 23:03

Notacs Oh well that's absolutely fine then, if the child who's privacy has been breached isn't your own flesh and blood!

Shall I assume this was in response to me? Did I say that made it okay?

BalloonSlayer · 12/09/2014 23:05

I think I might write a letter to the head actually

Dear Head

Thank you for the letter I received yesterday about your proposals to help Smallwinni with her literacy, which we are pleased about and thoroughly support (see attached copy of letter).

I have no problems if other parents were to find out that Smallwinni was receiving this support. However, I do feel it is a breach of confidentiality for the letter to be so poorly checked as to leave another child's name in the latter part of the letter, so that I now know the name of another child receiving the same support, which I doubt was your intention.

I hope you do not mind me drawing this to your attention.

Yours etc

Canyouforgiveher · 12/09/2014 23:07

But your daughter already knew that Elizabeth was also seeing Tanya - she told you so. So it wasn't a secret and the mistake didn't breach any privacy.

Elizabeth is probably at home saying - extra reading will be great because smallwinnie is in it with me - so Elizabeth's mum knows as much about your daughter's participation in extra reading as you do about hers.

Notacs · 12/09/2014 23:09

I wouldn't need to back off. If it was me, I would politely mention it; nothing more, nothing less.

We expect banks not to make mistakes, medical staff (not all of whom are doctors) to be careful, we put our trust into cleaners, we ask that our garages keep our cars safe and roadworthy. Many of the above people are paid less than teachers. Therefore I don't see 'I'm busy' as an excuse.

I don't think it's the end of the world but it's unfair to suggest the OP is unreasonable for being a bit miffed and wanting to give the teacher the heads up.

Jessica85 · 12/09/2014 23:09

The teacher made a mistake. Point it out if you want, and I'd expect the teacher to apologise. I can't imagine I'd be anything other than really sorry if I'd sent a letter home with the wrong name on. Though anything with data protection or privacy concerns always gets proof-read by someone else in the school before it goes out, so there is an extra level of checking here - hopefully that'd be the case in your DDs school OP.

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 12/09/2014 23:11

Look that is besides the point forgive. As I said, I really don't mind about people knowing....I don't broadcast it though because to be honest, I don't think DD would like it. She's fully aware that she's not as good at reading as some of her peers and it does bother her a bit.

She'd certainly not blab about it. I don't know about her friend's feelings....just because they're 6 doesn't mean their educational issues are a free for all.

OP posts:
lem73 · 12/09/2014 23:13

Winni you are absolutely right. It's sloppy.

MyFairyKing · 12/09/2014 23:17

Not sure why you've had a load of people jump down your throat. I understand why you feel sensitive about this. There's a way of politely informing the teacher of the error that isn't a complaint, so I'd go down that road.

noblegiraffe · 12/09/2014 23:17

Yes we do expect people to be careful but if your cleaner left a duster out on the side or whatever counts as a minor error in the cleaning world, would you really mention it to them if it was the first time and you knew it wasn't deliberate?

Assume competence and cut people some slack.

Canyouforgiveher · 12/09/2014 23:18

Well it is sloppy - but people do make mistakes. Still if the point is that it is sloppy and a mistake, fair enough.

But if the point is it is a breach of private information, I can't honestly can't see that when the 2 people involved (smallwinni and Elizabeth) already know the information about each other. Did the letter contain some more specific information about reading levels or something?

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 12/09/2014 23:25

If the letter is typed I assume she's coppied and pasted it to savw retyping and forgot to change the name.

Hardly crime of the century.

Permanentlyexhausted · 12/09/2014 23:27

I think Canyouforgiveher makes a very good point. The mistake in the letter is exactly that - a mistake. Since it seems to be common knowledge amongst the children which of them has extra reading lessons there seems to be no privacy to breach.

MidniteScribbler · 12/09/2014 23:43

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Many on MN don't seem to be happy at all in their profession. So why carry on if it's that bad?

I ADORE my job. I love going to work in the mornings, I love getting to spend time with my students, I love thinking up interesting learning experiences for them. I love watching their progress from day to day and term to term, I love when I can make a real difference to a student.

What I don't love is having to constantly defend myself against people who went to school once so think they know how to teach or who think that I'm supposed to be their slave because they 'pay (my) wages you know'. I don't love having to hear the constant jibes about long holidays and getting 'perks' (such as going to a funeral). Heck, the only 'perk' I've received this term was when a supply company brought us morning tea and sample packs of some whiteboard pens. The excitement in the air was palpable that day, I can tell you!

Whatisaweekend · 13/09/2014 00:02

As Lemon and Hmm have said, I would be less concerned about the name mix up as the "...different to the ones she fetches home". Wtaf?? This teacher is supposed to be teaching English?? Really?? The mind boggles.....

YakInAMac · 13/09/2014 00:20

Why on earth did you ask people whether you should say something when you have argued non stop with all those who have answered your question by saying no you should leave it? Why waste people's gime asking? You seem to have made up your mind. Confused.

And how do you know about this long list of issues that children have?