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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Advice needed? Rude comment at drop off

100 replies

isaterror · 12/09/2014 10:19

My DD started Reception last week and has been getting upset upset at drop off so we've started taking things in with her to take her mind off it. This morning we picked a sunflower from the garden and she was really excited - but as she went in to class, a classmates Mother said loud enough to be heard by my partner and DD "look who's the class creep - what a teachers pet!'"

I'm so annoyed! what sort of thing is that to say to/about a 4 year old child?

Aibu to want to say something to her at pick up? A few polite but very well chosen words perhaps?

Thoughts please..?

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 12/09/2014 12:31

I don't like Glacecherries idea at all (sorry). It's quite passive aggressive and alerts a woman who is quite happy to bully a child that your child is worried.

You don't want her talking about your DD with their child - she's already called her a creep, don't give her ammo by revealing her vulnerabilities. I can well imagine someone like this asking 'are you scared? Are you going to cry?' And thinking it hilarious.

Also, you and her both know it was her and she won't have any problem being direct to you so it'll end in an argument. Just don't engage and avoid as much as possible.

madamemuddle · 12/09/2014 12:32

How mean!

I would pretend I hadn't heard her and give her a very wide berth.

TBH, I wouldn't give a fuck what she thought but I wouldn't say that...

QuintessentiallyQS · 12/09/2014 12:36

I would not let her know your dd was worried, you are just singling out your dd as a target for future bullying.

ILovePud · 12/09/2014 12:37

Chased makes a good point IMO, however I think it's great to hear about all the other responses, it's very cathartic to imagine doing these

backbystealth · 12/09/2014 12:41

Oh for gawd's sake just ignore. Was proabably a badly executed and not-at-all-funny joke. It's her who looks an arse. Don't have a word, just forget about it.

AugustaGloop · 12/09/2014 12:45

I think it would leave it for now, but if DD is upset going to school on Monday morning I might say something then.

OnlyLovers · 12/09/2014 12:51

Everyone knows (I hope) from my first post how I feel about this beeyatch, but I do want to say, in response to those saying she called the OP's child names, was bullying a four-year-old etc, that the comment was aimed more at the OP than at the child, surely?

I'm not saying for a SECOND that that excuses her. I just don't think it's quite accurate to accuse her of bullying or being horrible to the child per se.

MrsWinnibago · 12/09/2014 13:04

Lovers OP wasnt clear about WHO the comment was addressed to. She said "What sort of thing is that to say to/about a four year old?"

So who did the woman say it to? I got the impression OP wasn't there...but her DP was...and that he reported this happening to the OP.

Pheonixisrising · 12/09/2014 13:28

I'd see what happens on Monday

Let her take in another flower and if this woman makes another comment have a response ready

This is the beginning of her schooling , you have 6 years to get through. Let her know you won't take her crap

BastardGoDarkly · 12/09/2014 13:34

Consider yourself fortunate to know who the playground wanker is so early on.

Seriously, stay clear of her and her friends, they are all wankers,I guarantee it.

Hope dd settles soon :)

GlaceCherries · 12/09/2014 13:36

Chased you're right, it could come across as passive aggressive, I hadn't thought. I was thinking more along the lines of being able to explain the flower (not being a "teacher's pet") and hopefully appealing to this woman's better nature. Which may or may not exist.

Such is the wonder of the interweb that there can be many interpretations of one thing! (Not meaning to argue, just wanting to clarify my personal stance.) OP should do something or nothing, whatever she feels most comfortable with

GlaceCherries · 12/09/2014 13:38

Forgot it say that I'm glad the flower trick worked to help OP's DD this morning.

Meemoll · 12/09/2014 14:12

I have to say unfortunately, that this will probably just be the kind of thing you have to get used to. Just keep reassuring your own kids to make lovely gestures like this and you'll be fine. Ignore everyone else.

Ilovexmastime · 12/09/2014 14:21

I'd ignore. Why waste your energy on such people?

LetticeKnollys · 12/09/2014 14:25

She sounds pathetic. Remind yourself how worse off her kids will be than yours in the long run for having such a nasty and stupid parent, then try and forget about it.

Smilesandpiles · 12/09/2014 14:26

Hey, she's done you a favour. She outed herself to be prize bitch so you can avoid her without having to go through that whole small talk/gossip bollocks before finding it out the hard way.

Look out for who she talks to on a very regular basis, you'll do well to avoid them too.

Heels99 · 12/09/2014 14:32

Take another sunflower. Give it to bitch mom. Say "you seemed to be having a bad day this morning, perhaps this will cheer you up"

Walk away.

picnicbasketcase · 12/09/2014 14:39

I wouldn't be able to think if something clever in time and probably would have just gone 'oh, up yours, you snarky cowbag.' But that's not setting a good example to small children

Vintagejazz · 12/09/2014 14:40

She sounds like someone who really isn't worth bothering about. I can't imagine she'll be too well regarded by many of the other parents dropping children off, if that's the way she behaves.
Just ignore the silly woman and feel sorry for her child having such an immature mother.

OnlyLovers · 12/09/2014 14:54

MrsWinnibago, you're right, rereading the OP properly it's not clear whether or not the OP was there and it's even more unclear who the comment was aimed at.

If I imagine the scenario though, I imagine her saying it to a friend but deliberately loudly enough for both the DP and DD to hear –but I also imagine it being aimed more at the DP, just because I can't imagine anyone actually addressing that to the child. Well I hope she didn't mean to address the child, anyway.

EmeraldLion · 12/09/2014 15:04

I can't walk away from stuff like that.

I've had a similar comment made at school by a mum surrounded by her chavvy cronies.

I looked her straight in the face and said 'Was that directed at me? Could you explain what you mean by that please?'. I didn't lose eye contact for a second, her two cronies looked at me like I was crazy and the woman herself stuttered over herself for a few seconds before mumbling an apology and walking off.

People get away with shitty comments because the 'polite' social norm is to ignore them. When you keep your cool but refuse to ignore they pretty much shit their pants.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/09/2014 15:07

What Heels99 said.
Please please please do this!!!

Original poster

isaterror · 12/09/2014 15:46

Thanks to all for your replies. To clarify, I was there when it was said but didn't hear it, as I was a few steps inside the cloakroom area and DD and DP were just outside- I saw DP looking shocked but in the scrum of morning drop off Didnt find out about it from DP until we were leaving school. It was directed at DD but thankfully we don't think she heard/understood. I wish I'd heard it first hand as I would've said something immediately without thinking - DP was just too shocked to react in time. Going to ignore her and escalate it to teacher if it's repeated again. Glad I've got her sussed so early on like you all say. Thanks all and have a great weekend. X

OP posts:

OnlyLovers · 12/09/2014 16:20

It was directed at DD

Christ, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt by assuming that at least she was saying it passive-aggressively about DD but to you/your DP! What a nasty piece of work.

That's even more appalling. I kind of hope she does it again now you're armed with MN's responses.

Balaboosta · 12/09/2014 17:17

You lot are bonkers. It sounds like a joke gone wrong. She might have been trying some friendly banter to break the ice and it just came out wrong?

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