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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Advice needed? Rude comment at drop off

100 replies

isaterror · 12/09/2014 10:19

My DD started Reception last week and has been getting upset upset at drop off so we've started taking things in with her to take her mind off it. This morning we picked a sunflower from the garden and she was really excited - but as she went in to class, a classmates Mother said loud enough to be heard by my partner and DD "look who's the class creep - what a teachers pet!'"

I'm so annoyed! what sort of thing is that to say to/about a 4 year old child?

Aibu to want to say something to her at pick up? A few polite but very well chosen words perhaps?

Thoughts please..?

OP posts:

wheresthelight · 12/09/2014 10:41

She is a complete bitch but I am afraid yabu to actually say something although I admit inbound struggle not to!

ILovePud · 12/09/2014 10:42

Awww your poor DD, what a nasty and pathetic thing to say. I think those who have said not to confront her have given good advice, if she thinks that's an acceptable thing to say then she's not likely to be amenable to even the most reasoned approach. If she said it in earshot of the teacher then I bet the teacher is also thinking she's a twat. I'd mention it to the teacher if you think your DD has been upset but other than that just stick with the other mums. Hope your DD settles soon.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 12/09/2014 10:43

Second the comment about her being the mother of the class bully.

spiderlight · 12/09/2014 10:45

Sod's Law dictates that your child will immediately become best friends with hers, so don't say anything - just rise above it and maintain a dignified distance from her. What a horrible comment though.

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 12/09/2014 10:45

just think to yourself,what an ill mannered silly cow.

don't bother approaching her, avoid.

Surfsup1 · 12/09/2014 10:45

I agree with those that advise you to just ignore her. People like her are often spoiling for a fight and really get their kicks just by saying nasty things and watching you react.

I learned this the hard way from a horribly nasty Dad at DSs school - he was a total psycho, but no matter how logically you address their behaviour you simply can't win because they just love seeing you get upset.
I didn't know his name, but I gave a description of him and the incident to the school and it turns out they were well aware of his "issues".

I do think it's worth telling the teacher/school about incidents like this because if it turns out to be a pattern then at least they can keep and eye on her/the child.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 12/09/2014 10:50

I would have kicked her in the shins - hard.

I honestly cannot believe there are people out there who see a small, new starter with a flower and think anything other than 'Ahh isn't she sweet'.

pudcat · 12/09/2014 10:50

See if she says anything on Monday when you give your child something else to take in. Do not stop doing it. I used to love getting little things like dandelions and dead leaves. Seriously though don't confront her - just pretend you didn't hear. What's the betting on Monday her child comes armed with the biggest bouquet the local garage has to offer!!!!!!!!!!!!

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 12/09/2014 10:51

I wouldn't have really, I don't think but I would have wanted to. What a bitch.

GlaceCherries · 12/09/2014 11:03

Go up to her this afternoon, all friendly and feigning ignorance that she has been so so bitchy... say "my little DD has had a difficult time settling in, so I gave her a flower to cheer her up. I think it did the job this morning and she went in happy. But did you know, some other parent made a really rude comment about it. Did you see /hear who it was?" smile sweetly and walk away...

She sounds like one to avoid in future.

Bowlersarm · 12/09/2014 11:07

Ignore it this time.

Have a retort ready if there is a next time and if she does anything else to malign your dd.

SweetsForMySweet · 12/09/2014 11:25

Focus on your own dd, that vile woman is not worth your time, energy or attention. If the problem persists, ask her to please be polite as there are children present. Don't rise to her bait. By maintaining a calm and polite exterior, it just shows her up for the idiot that she is if she continues with her behaviour

OnlyLovers · 12/09/2014 11:29

Silly mare. Has she got nothing better to think about?

I wouldn't mention it now as it will be obvious that you've been stewing over it. If she says anything else though, I'd be tempted to say the above (well, maybe not the 'silly mare' part )

LiverpoolLou · 12/09/2014 11:30

That's disgraceful. I'd have a word with the school. Your child should be able to walk into school without having to hear bullying comments like that. I hope the school take it seriously and ban her from the site. What a bitch.

Flexly · 12/09/2014 11:32

What a cow bag! Rise above it, ignore her, you're better than that.
Hope your DD settles soon x

firstchoice · 12/09/2014 11:39

GlaceCherries - that's a good plan!

Bullies often don't stop until confronted, sadly.

russiandwarf · 12/09/2014 11:50

She's totally ignorant - why else would anyone say something like that?! Idiot.

I wouldn't say anything now if you didn't at the time, but mull over a good retort for next time if she says anything again. She's probably too thick to reason with so a good put down should suffice.

Marylou2 · 12/09/2014 11:51

OP please don't engage with this dreadful woman.Who on earth says such a thing about a 4 year old with a sunflower? Her world must be a sad and joyless place.

Marmotte3 · 12/09/2014 11:59

ChelsyHandy - brilliant response, I'm filing that away for use in a suitable situation in the future.

I'm shocked when reading about the nastiness some people throw at innocent strangers, I would have been gobsmacked by that comment.

Branleuse · 12/09/2014 12:03

I would mention it to the teacher if there are any more comments.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/09/2014 12:11

I would just avoid her too. It would have been find to comment at the time (something of the lines of "don't speak to my child like that it's completely out of order") but I wouldn't go back and raise it again later. If the comments continue I think you'd be in your rights to report her to school though. Was it a poorly conceived attempt at humour?

Echocave · 12/09/2014 12:11

Yes if it happens again you should mention it to the school. She may well be like the psycho dad mentioned by a previous poster and the school will be aware of her.

Given the context (a little new girl, trotting into school with a flower - awww, very cute), I'm not sure the comment from the woman can be considered as a clumsy attempt at a joke.
OP, give your dd a pat for me and say well done for being brave

midnightagents · 12/09/2014 12:12

Like Glace cherries idea :D but you really dont want to start an on going feud in the first few weeks. She sounds like a nasty cow though, and im seething on your behalf. Picking on a four year old :( heart breaking really! The only minor justification might the tone in which it was said?! Clutching at straws to justify it, but sometimes some people can say things in a way which is smiley and friendly, and when others say it it comes out bitchy??! I dont know, i still dont think it was a very nice thing to do.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 12/09/2014 12:15

Maybe give her a look of incredulity.
Or buy her a "did you mean to be so rude" MN mug.

MrsDeVere · 12/09/2014 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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