to ask if you instigated a separation due to lack of affection

[textingdisaster]

(and little if any meaningful communication)?

Have to stop kidding myself that h will one day "like" me more, touch me or say the occasional nice thing. I mean how many years can I keep up that pretence / false belief? ?

And I really find it difficult to live like this. It feels almost physically painful at times

YANBU to want and need affection and kindness from your relationship. Does he understand that you feel this way and not care? Or do you need a serious talk with him? If he knows and chooses not to change then you have to ask yourself the tough question. Is this how you want to spend the rest of life? Good luck and best wishes whatever you decide.