Tell me your honest to god experiences with your newborn

[Mitsufishi]

I am going through hell for the third time around with a newborn.

Everyone says 'sleep when they skeep'. But how? Mine would never sleep, in bed, on me, maybe in a buggy or sling if in constant motion. They all went on to be horrific sleepers so 'this too' did not pass.

My mother says 'all newborns are like that, people who say otherwise are lying'. So it's just me who can't cope then?

Honestly tell me, what was your experience with a newborn. Because I have friends who seem to have had it easy and have seen evidence of it. My mother insists people are lying to show off. But I don't think there's such a fashion for that any more and that actually if anything people often tend to make things sound worse than they are these days rather than the other way around. In any case I've seen friends newborns and babies that effortlessly doze off and wonder a thousand times over what I'm doing wrong.

I don't resent you . I think you are blinkered. There is a big difference.

I don't think that you can get a tiny newborn into a routine! My DD was a nightmare! She would feed for hours!! Literally she was sat on my tit for up to 4 hours at a time. It was souls destroying!! She would scream and then really struggle to latch on. Looking back I am absolubtely sure she was very colicky for the first 8/9 weeks. She would scream from 6pm to 11pm arching her back. I was on complete denial at the time!!

I noticed a complete change in her at around 8-10 weeks. I felt confident enough to start using CIO - it worked!! Before that stage though, there's not a chance it would've worked!! Before you've properly established a feeding pattern or any routine of some sort CIO just won't work.

You need them to lead you for the first few weeks.

So from a nightmare to start with and wondering why I had gotten this demonic child to a happy little girl who has slept through from 10 weeks of age!

Look. Honestly. 2 years from now you'll no more be living off the glow of your successful first 6 months than your friends will be scarred from their miserable ones. You'll all forget. I forgot twice - which is why I went back for more a third time. I'm certainly not bitter . I'm very happy with my lot, even though it feels bloody hard right now. I don't rubbish GF's baby approach - it worked, once, for me (although I don't buy the concept of routine when to comes to potty training). I just haven't liked your highhandedness. That is all. I wish you well.

Pistol I think you need to back off a bit. You are being a bit confusing, partly saying people are morons and then saying a routine is impossible with an EBF baby. No one is trying to offend you, just suggesting that there is not necessarily only one way and that you do have quite a few years of baby, toddler and childhood yet to experience.

Any way, for those who asked. I'm doing EBF, other children are nursery and just started school. Nursery one is only two days but that will change come January as will have the free fifteen hours.

Thanks so much for advice and support everyone. Getting good sleep at night, six hour stretch! But takes around three hours to get her to sleep!! Day sleeps arent ideal, only really in sling or short ones in buggy. What I wouldn't give for an hour to tidy round at home!!

(ps we have no TV so v tough to focus on newborn)

OP, your experience and situation sounds very like mine. An old post now but I wanted to cheer when I saw your post about your lovely day last Friday. I've had one or two of those days with my 3 (new DD is 4 weeks) and they are so precious aren't they, because they are the light at the end of the tunnel that says 'I wasn't mad to have three! It's all going to work out!' Swiftly followed by one of the days someone else described when all three kick off at once and you feel like you cannot cope!

Why try to downplay the importance (not to mention the sanity-saving properties of) my 'glow' - for me - when I have explained my MH history? This routine has been incredible and saved me from the misery lots of new mothers endure for months - sometimes years - on end. So what if I'm evangelical about GF? Get over it.

I didn't call any of you a moron. I was referring to those AP-type gurus who spout their pseudo-scientific claptrap about how Love Will Get You Through as long as you Don't Put The Baby Down and wear it around your neck until it is a manchild. (you know... the types who believe in the healing power of amber teething anklets )

No-one has come here with any specific advice for the OP - not one person. The only 'theories' I have rubbished are ones that attest 'there is nothing you can do to sleep train a baby'; 'it is normal for a baby to wake multiple times throughout the night'; 'allowing your baby to cry is abusive;' and 'anyone who succeeds with Gina Ford is just lucky'. These are not my experiences, nor the experiences of the thousands of women for whom Gina Ford has been a godsend.

OP, I suggest you try structuring your baby's naps during the day. Once you have sorted her daytime naps, you will get much longer stretches through the night. Remember: sleep begets sleep. Good luck.

You are almost exactly where I was in the spring OP. Except Cbeebies was my saviour!!

The first thing I will say is it does get better. Hang on in there. My DS now has a nap each morning on the school/pre-school run. That gets him off on the right foot. He's old enough not to need a nap until about 9am, which makes it easier. Other naps are more hit and miss (and only v. short ones in the cot), but when he's awake he will happily hang out in his bouncy chair for a few minutes whilst you cook tea or whatever.

On the evenings, when are you trying to put your DD down? I found that none of mine would go to sleep at a child's bedtime in the initial weeks. All of mine dozed on our laps until our bedtime, or one of them in the buggy (or moses basket if you have one you can move around). DD1 started a 'bedtime' around 6 weeks, the others slightly later. It was quite hard with DS because DH has been working away, so evenings pinned under a baby (or with baby in a sling) when you want to sort stuff out can be frustrating. But less frustrating than ages trying to settle him. He was always very active in the early evening when I was pregnant, so I think he just needed a little time to realise when night started.

You could try 'crying down' if you think that would work for you. It wouldn't have for us. Or shhh patting. Or feeding to sleep and sneaking out (or is that what you are doing?).

On the day sleeps, some people also suggest putting them down exactly 90 minutes after they wake up. Something to do with cycles and body clocks. Have you tried that? Swaddled, maybe dummy (though is she a bit young).

Personally with day sleep I go the route of ensuring that they get enough, however I can, and will tackle where it happens when he's a bit older.

..and I seriously think any mumsnetter who reports another for using the term 'moron' when it is not specifically used against another has a few issues.

That's good advice penguins. We are yet to get a structure for day sleep. Evenings are just as you describe for us at the moment. I do think I should try and get some structure to the day sleep as a first step. First day of pre school today for DS2. Three hours a days with no big boys at all - hoping to get some structure down for the day

How many times can I say the word 'structure'?

Do you want to add some structure Dilys?

I think school runs do help with that, sort of.

Would be happy to give her a later bedtime but she never dozes on me. I have just managed to get her to sleep on me after intense rocking and mad noises so this feels like a triumph.

I don't know how I'll ever get her to have a nap from awake in her own bed! Might try leaving her to cry a little when she is a bit older. I am
Doubtful it would work though.

dilys thanks for
Your lovely message. I'm not quite seeing the light and the end of the tunnel yet. I adore her but still a bit thinking oh shit why did I have a third. Have embarrassingly texted DH on a few bad days saying I regret it

PS just had a brainwave, what about trying for some structure?

Mitsufishi, when my daughter was four weeks old - and before I had attempted any kind of routine - I told my mum I wished I had never got on the areoplane to go and have the IVF (this about a baby I had wanted for twenty years!) Don't feel bad for negative thoughts, or even irrational ones; they are just that: irrational. It is important not to feel guilt on top of the other pressures we feel as new mums. Remember: 'This too shall pass'

When did you start with the routine?

I too have felt like it was a very bad idea at times over the past month. But having hassled a reluctant DH in to having a third, I'd rather boil my head in oil than admit it! Someone said to me last week that when we're old ladies on our death beds we're unlikely to regret having had any of our children. I thought that was a good thing to repeat to self on dark days.

You are right. You'll never regret your children. I never look at her and think 'I wish you were gone' even in my weakest moments. just question myself on the concept of it sometimes. It's so hard meeting everyone's needs! How do people without partners do it! I can't even imagine.

I started at six weeks. It seems absurd now but, looking back, she cottoned on to certain things without much resistance. I truly had no guilt about waking her from naps as I had The Fear regarding multiple night time wakings, so it made sense to me to not let her sleep for hours on end during the day. Once I started waking her, she feel into the feeding patterns fro the book, which then dictated naps for good.

I put our daughter into her own room at seven weeks simply because I was tired of the grunting, snuffling and general baby sounds which were keeping me awake. Baby being in the next room to me meant I heard her as soon as she cried so no need for a monitor which picks up every bloody sound

In the earliest weeks of the routine I began to dread 6.15pm (wind down time). I would take her up to my room, lie with her on my bed and try to get her to sleep without the aid of milk. Impossible! She would cry for up to forty minutes with me at her side, useless (any rocking, patting or singing would send her ) Eventually I resorted to 'assisting to sleep' as her angry arms and legs were a huge problem in her managing to 'go over'. I would hold her arms for several nights, then one arm, then none. It felt like forever but it took a week. This was a significant breakthrough as we had moved to the half-swaddle and she kept belting herself in the head with her arms.

I never had a problem with the structured feeds because we were FF from two weeks old. Bed was (and still is) strictly 7pm and I wake her at 7am, even when she had had a bad night through growth spurts/developmental leaps etc. As soon as you start letting them sleep til 9am (or whatever), your feeds and naps for the entire day are out of sync - and, worst of all, your baby is then only going to bed at 9pm, or later.

*Sorry, should read she fell into the feeding patterns from the book.

I do think it sounds like you had a good napper. I don't need to wake my baby to feed ever. She only does 45 minute naps, an hour at best and thats in the sling. Never in bed, 30 min naps in buggy. Waking very grumpy. Thts where the struggle often lies re a routine I think. She is also very unwilling to wait two hours for a feed.

Sounds exactly like mine Mitsufishi. The idea of any of them sleeping until 9 and needing waking in the morning would also be an anathema to me. With older children it's not an issue anyway as you're up, but let's just say I never had to wake any one of my children until the oldest started school and was utterly wiped out by it....

I am guessing you would also find it very difficult to deal with up to 40 minutes of crying whilst getting into a nighttime routine - either because you don't have time or your other ones would be out of bed to see what was going on? Do you have help in the evenings? That makes being firm a bit easier I suspect as you can split the team!

Would she sleep in the buggy in the evening if you got her off to sleep by one of you taking her for a walk and then parked it in the house? Works for some people. If you can do that it can get them in the habit of falling asleep at the right time and make tackling the rest easier? Same goes if you can keep her in the sling for the evening?

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Honest. My youngest is only 4 months and already those days are a memory. We still have rubbish days, or rubbish nights (my last name change was inspired by one), but far fewer. TBH, he's the easiest of the lot of them. Dealing with a threenager is far more stressful.

OP, if you could change one thing what would it be? I guess what I'm trying to get at is whether you are willing to pick your battles. Gina Ford is infuriating for lots of mums because so much of her routine is concomitant with something else. In other words, in order for a baby to nap well - and at the 'right' times - during the day, he needs to be feeding well, too. A baby who is cluster feeding (or worse, comfort suckling when not really hungry) may not be taking as much milk as the mother believes and will therefore seek sustenance throughout the night. This leads to baby napping all over the place during the day - sometimes through feeds - and so on and so on.

When I was finding the routine tough I picked my battles. I would, for instance, decide to stop beating myself up about the long lunchtime nap and try instead to keep baby awake for longer spells after feeds. I found ways to do this but they involved not going on as many pram walks where she would invariably nod off at the wrong times.

Similarly, the late feed at 10.30/11pm very, very often didn't work and I was ready to chuck the bloody book out the window but, would you believe, it started to work from eleven weeks. No idea why. Mystery.

The long lunchtime nap is still an urban myth to me, and something I gnash my teeth over, but I pick my battles. Do remember your baby is still so tiny and there are lots of weeks to come where you will start to see the fruits of your efforts. Even the tiny ones.

I just remembered... i used to drive round the block, bring the car seat in and out it next to my bed and just get an hours sleep and then transfer him to the cot and sometimes he would carry on sleeping. But it was a way if getting at least an hour nap out of him where i could get my head down. It wasn't ideal but i had to just look at it as if i'd done an hours journey in the car.

At 8 weeks i started putting him on his front and he would sleep for 6 hours. Again, not ideal but it was something that allowed me some much needed sleep.

I did sleep training at 6 months. Before that i just rocked him or would feed him to sleep.

Night time sleep not an issue. It's the days. Feeding definitely enough as she does six hour stretch at night. If I could change one thing it would be that she would nap willingly in the day (even if it was in bed with me, on me etc). I would live to spend part of the days I have without other DC at home without having to pound the streets with the sling to ensure a good nap.

When does she feed and for how long each time? Does she reach the hind milk at each feed from the one breast (30 mins-ish)?